Brahms: 42
Ness: 25

Silverlocke980
Poor Brahms. Valkyrie Profile characters have to rely on their damage- which, admittedly, is damn awesome- in the Arena, since they can't heal/defend/do anything else other than assbeat. Fortunately for Brahms, he's *really* good at assbeating.

Unfortunately for Brahms, Ness is not somebody who's particularly vulnerable to assbeating, a la Kefka. No, Ness has a ton of HP. How much HP? Enough to make Ghaleon go " Hey, that's a lot of HP there, buddy!"

Anyone who claims that personal epiphanies don't do anything for you should see what Ness becomes after his journey through Magicant. He becomes so powerful health-wise that even the final boss has issues trying to kill him, and Earthbound's final boss is nothing to sneeze at.

Hell, Ness can hit the HP cap in his game near level fifty, something I don't think any other character in any other game has ever managed to do.

In short? This is a contest, not between Ness and Brahms, but between Brahms' assbeat ability and Ness' monstrous HP. Now, I'd still give it to Brahms against anyone else that was like Ness, since Ness' offense is nothing spectacular, but...

Ness has a full heal. That's pretty cheap, especially if all he does is Bash (which is probably his best move at the end of the game, PSI Rockin doesn't keep up all that well). All he has to do is Bash, then PSI his HP back to full from Brahms attack, then Bash, then Life Up Omega...

Man, Brahms is so screwed.

Lezard Valeth
Brahms begin with an impressive attack that unfortunately knocks him unconscious.

Lesson learned don't try to attack if you're opponent's shield can reflect it back. Or you could give up and save yourself the trouble.

Emelious de Pamela vs Terra Branford

Emelious de Pamela: 34
Terra Branford: 26

jaymthegenius@yahoo.com
Who the hell is Emelious to claim to be the god of Emo? Terra found a piece of magicite before the match, it was the Saves the Day Magicite.

Chris Conley: "Who is it that summons me!?"

Terra: "I did! He over there say's he's the king of Emo"

Chris Conley: "Oh really? I come from the land of Emo espers, and we will defeat you! Do you know what Emo's even about?"

Emelious: Umm... being angsty and pretending to have problems that dont exist?

Chris: Hell no! You are a poser who probably doesnt care about the environment and is among the ignorant radio listening public. Hell I bet you like the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and they are in it just for the money."

Emelious: Shut up! I hate you!

Terra: Emo summon!

Guy Piccioto of Rites of Spring and Jeremy Enick (the pre-bible thumping bastard Enick) of Sunny Day Real Estate join forces for a super attack, whittling down Emelious's HP, and Atom from Atom and his package finished off Emelious with a metric attack.

Terra: Well (shruggs) Looks like I won afterall! Teehee!

Silverlocke980
Terra v. Emo Kid? Dear God. Fully-fledged, mature character v. someone so cardboard cut-out that Penelo from FFXII looks like a deep person next to him?

...What, is this week's theme " Obscenely Unbalanced Matches" or something?

Ho-Oh vs Odin
legendaryflyingfailure
Ho-oh stood supremely confident in his ability to win. Unknown to the rest of the DL he had been bragging about his nigh instantanious future victory for days when the match began.(Unfortunately no one could understand him so all his extra squawking and cawing was assumed to be some kind of mating ritual) Ho-oh proudly pumped his wings, today would be his day. The match began. Ho-oh waited for his trainer to give him a command. When none came Odin simply stabbed him in the face.

"Y'know." Zidane and Edge were enjoying a post match drink at the local pub. Two people had been utterly obliterated that day and it hadn't been one of them or anyone they knew. They had both figured this cause for celebration. "They really oughtta let the pokemon take their trainer into the arena."

Edge nodded in agreement. "I don't see how they could possibly rule that Ho-oh's trainer qualified as outside interference."

"That's not the typical ruling but Kefka and Yuri were on the judges panel today and Ho-oh's squawking for the last week has irritated the hell out of both of them and they considered this thier token revenge."
"Yeah but they still could have stopped the match earlier."
"The league has the best healers in the known universe-what difference does it make?"
"Cause the league doesn't have any vets."
"...Oh."

Ho-Oh: 30
Odin: 31

Silverlocke980
I can't believe I just voted ODIN.

hyper.inferno@gmail.com
Ho-oh can chip with peck, gust, or swift all it wants, but with Odin's 50% fire resistance, it's not going to finish off Odin quick enough to avoid Spiritual Lancers to the face.

Mathias
I don't care how "legendary" a Pokemon may be; it's no match for a god, especially one of Odin's caliber.

Edea Kramer vs Worker 8
redmage007
You see the strangest things if you're an ice-cream man. Especially if your an ice-cream man in the RPGDL universe. You witness the miraculous healing of people that have literally been torn to pieces. You see massive explosions that rip canyons across the land and then dissapear after twenty seconds. You may even witness the creation (or distruction) of the entire universe several times in just a few minutes. Fred was used to this. He had been driving his ice-cream truck past the DL for years. He had made good friends and lived a good life-until a stray meteor spell had detonated his car with him still inside. The funeral was beautiful and several people mourned for days. This is why Fred was not the person driving the ice cream truck today. Today was Tod's first day on the job. Today was also Tod's last day on the job. The scene he witnessed from the cab of his ice-cream truck was an event like none he had ever seen before. Massive cosmic power from a possessed foster parent bounced off a robot's apparently indestructible hide. Explosions reflected off the robot and sailed high in the sky resulting in a marvelous display of fireworks. It was the greatest day of Tod's life...until a rogue ultima spell reflected off of Worker 8 and fired straight into Tod's face. When the match was finally over the sad remains of Tod only amounted to pile of ash that could easily fit into a salt shaker.

Ice cream rained from the sky in a six mile radius.

Oh yeah-Worker 8 won because he's FREAKIN IMMUNE TO MAGIC!!!!

Edea Kramer: 15
Worker 8: 74

Silverlocke980
Dear God, Edea vs. a magic-immune fighter? That's just the funniest damn thing I've ever heard!

Mathias
A mec and a sorceress? I'm tempted to maintain my former point of magic losing to robots, especially in this case since Worker 8 is one powerhouse.

Lucied
Viva La Edea!

Nikea vs Cait Sith
Pyromania
The Boar rune grants Nikea the power of a rampaging beast, capable of wreaking havoc against any foe that stands in her way.

Cait Sith will be granting her a different beast's power today. A frog's power is sadly not enough to wreck much of anything. And is very easily stepped on by a giant moogle-suit... thing.

The real story started after Nikea was revived, however. A kiss from a certain half-mystic lesbian saw her changed back into a human and added to Asellus' harem. So it worked out for the Suikoden fighter in the end. Getting together with a princess was her goal in the first place after all.

Nikea: 28
Cait Sith: 45

SageAcrin
Cait did the obvious thing.

He simply pulled out all his Megaphones and made a chain that linked Nikea's mouth to her ear.

They're still trying to piece her head together.

Ephraim vs Solo
Taishyr
Ephraim watched as Solo came into the arena, fully decked in armor and with all his usual equipment arrayed on him. Ephraim, grinning, shook his head and raised Reginleif high, preparing to strike...

...before Solo took the helmet off, exposing ruby-red lips and shoulder-length blue hair. Reginleif dropped to the floor of the arena.

"...uh, Sofia? Shouldn't you be..." The remainder of his words were cut off as Sofia leaned into him and shut him up with a kiss.


The judges later found Solo, bound, in his house. Sofia apparently left him ungagged, knowing full well it wouldn't matter anyway.

They also found an Ephraim shrine in Sofia's apartment, but that was somewhat predictable. Still, since Solo never showed up, Ephraim won the match; apparently this was also desirable to Sofia.

Then again, she declined to speak of the incident, so who knows?

Ephraim: 35
Solo: 24

SageAcrin
Sometimes, one person holds all the cards.

A advantage in weapon reach, an advantage in mobility, an advantage in weapon typage, in speed and in raw power... many advantages.

All held by Ephraim.

What could a young boy do against someone who held many cards?

---

"You know, I forgot he had that spell." Rolf noted.

"Everyone did." Celes replied, grinning slightly, as the horrific apparition of Brahne leered at Ephraim.

Ephraim, stout and strong, having faced many horrific monsters before, nearly managed to handle the image of Brahne leering and making kissy faces at him.

His horse wasn't nearly so stalwart, though, fleeing the arena nearly instantly and taking Ephraim with him.

Unfortunately for Solo, Transforming into a NPC was considered illegal use of someone else's powers-in this case, horrific ugliness, so Ephraim moved on to the next round.

However, the apparition of Brahne attempting to hug him will haunt Ephraim for the rest of his life. Demon lords just don't come close.

Vesper vs Cielo
superaielman
It's a match of surprises. The normally status weak Cielo just laughed and ate a bag of doritos when Vesper tried Mind Blaster. This would normally be enough to send Vesper to an unquestioned loss, but the wiseman wasn't about to lose to a bad stereotype.

Instead of his usual status or MP busting, Vesper did something far more effective. He sat down and calmly explained the entire Star Ocean plot. All of it.

Cielo's response was legendary. "So mon, there's the enire universe.. and it exists in one tiny computer.. and it's controlled by some evil tranny that makes no sense?"

Vesper only grinned in response, sure that this would shatter Cielo's mind.

"What is this garbage?! Someone stole from -our- universe!" Cielo, match forgotten, went to go get the rest of his castmates and beat up Luther for gimmick infringement.

---

Vesper was later heard to comment that he was relieved that Star Ocean writers weren't the only ones smoking something when they penned the main story.

Vesper: 32
Cielo: 19

Myau vs Garr Kelvin
Dunefar
A cat.

Void Sword.

A cat.

A Swordian.

A cat.

Wind magic.

Three guesses on which person wins here? Hint: It ain't the cat.

Myau: 20
Garr Kelvin: 27

Samus vs Kasim Hazil
Gatewalker
Two men, staring eachother down across the arena, neither flinching away in the least. The intensity and tension was so think it could be cut...

Suddenly, Samus raised his hand into the air, and in a flash, Kasim had toppled over, snoring loudly.

From his seat in the judges box, Hugo leapt to his feet in sheer amazement, "That was the fastest Wind of Sleep I've ever seen! Well, I mean it was so fast I didn't even really see it, you just raised your rune and he was down! You're good, Samus. Really good."

Lowering his hand, Samus blinked and looked baffled for a moment but then shrugged, "Uh, Hugo? I hadn't cast the spell yet."

"Oh." Now looking just as confused as Samus, Hugo walked over to check out Kasim but found no signs of foul play. Shaking his head, he moved back to the judges table and sat back down, "Well, guess the fight it still going then. So, uh, fight or something."

Not really wanting to hit an old man who was down, Samus just took Kasim's sword away while he was asleep and went back over to Hugo, "So, since I've got his weapon and he doesn't have anything else, does this mean I win?"

"Uh, sure."

After the match, such as it was, Kasim finally got around to seeking treatment for that narcolepsy problem he had developed over nearly forty seasons of inactivity. After getting medicine for it, he demanded a rematch, which Samus surprisingly accepted. Sadly, it ended much like the original match, only this time Wind of Sleep actually was cast.

Samus: 44
Kasim Hazil: 28

Palom vs Silmeria Valkyrie
Mathias
A mage once turned to stone against a goddess confined to a girl's body? Come on. All it takes is a shot of crystal and Palom will be having terrible flashbacks from when he was a statue.

Palom: 28
Silmeria Valkyrie: 38

david1609@web.de
Go Silmeria!

Miranda vs Renault
Dunefar
Aaah, sliced and diced Renualt. He's so screwed against Miranda he may as well be turned into chop suey now. Awesome.

Miranda: 49
Renault: 9

Steena vs Karen
superaielman
A beautiful fortune-teller. An equally gorgeous dancer. Both covered in veils, battling tooth and nail for a desperate fight for victory.


...

Oh come on. You knew Edge was gonna be here. He has a thing for veils, after all.

The girls knew this as well, and hired Edge as security. He gets to TimeRecord the entire fight if he kept the rest of the perverts out.

---

Edge slumped over, nearly exhausted from his efforts. Who knew that Lassic himself would be interested in watching the fight? Bah. For an old coot, he put up a hell of a fight. Compared to fighting off the former ruler of Algol, slaughtering the usual bands of perverts was nothing.


He slowly walked back into the arena, where Steena was slowly choking Karen out with her own top. Most interesting. Apparently Steena didn't much worry about modesty...

..When time froze.

Edge loudly cursed. There was only one being in the universe who could do that. He didn't even bother to turn away from Steena's most unique use of a top to face the TL. "This had better be good. Though I'm sort of surprised you're out of the hospital after Ghaleon got his hands on you."


"What can I say, I'm a fast healer. Speaking of unremarkable things, here you are, oogling a couple of lights when Piastol's still on the loose. Shouldn't you be off trying to help Raquel overcome the... stop laughing, it could happen."

"Yeah, and Seifer could do something useful. Even I need a break from tormenting that wench in Godlike. I'll have better chances to take her out. In the meanwhile, I'll enjoy this fine display of womanhood.. why are you grinning?"


"Because you just gave me a way to solve my Seifer problem. Hopefully."

Steena: 42
Karen: 26

Evil Gaia vs Gorudo
SageAcrin
This battle would be decided the most epic way possible.

No simple combat could possibly decide this combat, no judgement of "battle power" ever could possibly show the true merit of these two. No, this would be decided...

IN AN EPIC PILLOWFIGHT.

Witness Evil Gaia as she giggles girlishly and pounds Gorudo with a fluffy down comforter!

Thrill as Gorudo lets out a high pitched squeal and whaps Evil Gaia with a pillow!

---

"...What the...what, by all the god's names, is this?" Lenneth asked, stunned, as she watched the match unfold from her judges box seat.

"Uweeehehehehe!" Kefka cackled. "We got a bunch of mages together and did this!"

"...why?" Lenneth asked, unable to take her eyes off the spectacle.

"Because, of course, a slap fight wasn't good enough, my dear lady." Ghaleon replied, shrugging. "The next step was obvious."

"..but why are they...girls...?" Lenneth asked, still entranced by the spectacle.

"As I said. The next step was obvious." Ghaleon repeated patiently.

Ultimately, Gorudo, her curly locks in disarray, fled the arena crying.

Shortly thereafter, Evil Gaia, as the winner of the match, recieved a Nibelung Valesti lance, free of charge, delivered straight to whatever passes as a face in there.

Lenneth wouldn't suffer animate suits of armor to live. What makes you think she'd let that?

Evil Gaia: 36
Gorudo: 27

Serra vs Koyu
Gatewalker
Koyu had a plan for how to win this match, and win it in style. Serra was about as girly a girl as it gets, right? Well, he knew how to deal with girls alright.

Come match time, the Lampdragon bandit wasted no time, lunging forward with all the speed his Gale rune would grant him and lashing out at Serra. Only not with his usual axe, but instead with a bucket. A bucket full of frogs and snakes.

As Koyu hurled the contents of the bucket at Serra, the prissy cleric predictably screamed her fool head off and started running around like an idiot trying to dislodge the snakes that were in her dress and the frogs in her hair. Koyu, meanwhile, was rolling around on the floor laughing, though he did manage to get up to collect his victory after Serra's mad dashing about took her out of the arena.

After the match, Miklotov and Camus took Koyu aside for a rather stern talk about how to properly treat a lady. Though after spending ten minutes in Serra's company, they decided that in retrospect, snakes and frogs probably was the proper treatment in her case.

Serra: 35
Koyu: 40

Silverlocke980
Serra v. anyone ends up really painful and really funny, 'cause you know you just got your ass handed to you by a pink-haired girl.