Alright, when any man or woman is faced with two options of A) Turn up to a duel with someone who looks like Goku or B) Watch David Bowie get his freak on, who seriously picks option A there? Certainly not Deis, that much is dead certain. You don't get to be a goddess by having screwed up priorities.
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It's a fact that most modern folks know: Fire consumes oxygen to burn.
Royce uses fire.
Fujin uses wind.
Of course, this isn't the most apt analogy for this fight.
That would be if fire consumed wind, chewed it up, and spat it out, then did a mexican hat dance on wind's steaming corpse.
It's an epic match between two stoners!
Yes, the smoke will cloud the arena as these two go at it. Each of them will be taking each other's hits stoically. These two are truly wasted in this match, indeed.
Jecht was quickly blitzed, however, and was left with a extreme case of the munchies, as Xenobia reigned triumphant.
Xenobia was later seen riding through the halls, naked and bareback on a snake, while yelling that the Redcoats were coming.
Ghaleon's response was simply to tape the entire thing.
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Yuri himself faced a dilemma.
On the one hand, he had his normal match.
On the other, a certain bonus match was being held at the same time.
With his typical foresight, he did the only thing possible.
He went to the bonus. Some things are just more important than kicking Roufas' ass.
However, Roufas unfortunately failed to appear at the match as well.
It turns out that, in the name of making sure Yuri appeared at said match, several dozen girls accosted, handcuffed, and locked Roufas into a closet until the match was over.
Well, it could be worse, though.
Roufas got four women's numbers. In three minutes. While being handcuffed and stuffed into a closet.
Yuri's not the only sexy one, you know.
Rune's plan was nothing short of brilliant this time. For seasons, the arrogant Esper had layed out brilliant plan after brilliant plan to smite the failure known as Justin, only to be blocked at the last second by his wife, Feena.
"I can't get to Justin normally, due to that wench blocking me. Now that she's off in a battle to the death with Joe, no one's protecting the idiot. He'll taste the wrath of a thousand Legions. Now to just make my way to the arena.. oh yes."
The baleful stare Rune aimed at Justin was enough to make the very air crackle. Feena had already started her match with Joe, charging up what appeared to be a Zap Whip. Justin stood at ringside, cheering Feena on. His back was turned to Rune, without a care in the world. His mother and friends stood by, equally oblivious to the magical doom awaiting their leader. Wasting no time, Rune waved his hands and fired off Legion at the group.
At least, that's what he tried to do. Right before the spell hit it's target, Rune felt a familiar sense of time distortion. He didn't even have time to blink before Time Gate was cast. Rune heard soft laughing just as he felt the effects of the spell wearing off.
Rune then felt the incredible pain of his own trademark spell hitting him square in the ass.
The force of the spell propelled him up over Justin and co's head, and had him strike full force into Feena's chest. Without even realizing it, Rune reached his hands forward, and grabbed a handful of Feena in a couple of very private places. Collecting his wits as soon as he could, Rune noticed the placement of said hands, and the murderous glares of the crowd and the entire Grandia crew.
Jumping quickly to his feet, Rune looked around and began pleading his case. "I'm innocent! I was just.. um... hell." Rune's words falthered when he noticed who the judges were.
Cidolfas Orlandu. Piastol. Lamington. Hugo. Or: Three strong godlikes known for being anti perversion, and Joe's best friend, who just saw Rune cost him the match. To his right, Justin and Rapp had drawn their weapons, and were approaching Rune with none too happy looks on their faces.
"Boy, it appears you've groped a married woman -and- tried to interfere in a lawful fight. I know this is the season of perversion, but we won't be having any of that around here." Orlandu drew Excalibur with a florish, and approached Rune. "Piastol, Hugo, Lamington, I think we need to forcefully remove this problem."
Looking around for escape got nothing. He was surrounded on all sides. Sighing, Rune closed his eyes and waited for the pummeling, while cursing Feena's name and swearing revenge. He didn't have to wait long.
Two beautiful women.
One common cause.
Getting out of this battle clothed.
Yes, the gates of hell had opened up, and the demons therein carried forth whipped cream, chocolate syrup, seltzer bottles, cherries, oil, pineapple slices, hooked talons, and sharp beaks.
Yes, the most fearsome thing to any woman ever has arrived.
"AHAHAHAHA! Yes, get her, my fiends! Show her that I am not one to be trifled with!" Lezard said, as a bunch of Dezolisian Penguins chased Fiora, and, to a lesser degree, Angela, around the arena with various implements of fanservice.
"...so he's the one behind those things?" Ryudo said, shaking his head, as he watched the spectacle. "Why is he so stupidly blatent now?"
"I heard Lenneth got another restraining order on him." Millenia said, shrugging. "This one doesn't allow him in the same time period as Lenneth. I think he got drunk and mistook Fiora for her."
"...figures." Ryudo said, as he watched a largely-unclothed Fiora get chased out of the arena by a drunken Lezard and a dozen Dezolisian Penguins.
Some would say that the sexy of Zelos is somewhat questionable, especially with not a single female in his party falling for him at all. The scale of Zelos sexy means absolutely nothing when he is pitted against a Lemon though. There is nothing a big a turn off as a Lemon. Graphic descriptions of testicle clamps scare people way to much and put them out of the mood.
One could even go so far as to say that Zelos was living up to his role as something of a holy warrior by taking the fight to this repulsive and disgusting "art" form. I mean, seriously TESTICLE CLAMPS. That is freaking messed up stuff.
Wait what? Lemon is an actual character name? Oh well, my point still stands. Testicle clamps.
Zelos Wilder: 46
Not wanting to actually fight Emelia on foot for a second time after eating a hail of her bullets on Chisato's show, Vigoro decided to try something different. The SaGa Frontier world relies heavily on its sky cabs, and one of those couldn't be a match for the great airship Draco and its massive cannon, right? Vigoro would just wait for Emelia to get on one and shoot it down.
Unfortunately for both Emelia and Vigoro, Tanzer happened to be down for a snack at the time Vigoro decided to try it.
Unfortunately for Tanzer, it had never actually swallowed an airship with a massive cannon capable of decimating fleets before.
So, while Emelia did the whole "get out on foot and search for a way out" thing for the second time in her life, Vigoro simply blasted his way out of the big creature, then shot it unconscious once he had made his escape.
End result? Emelia didn't get out in time, Vigoro won his match by default, and Tanzer woke up days later with one hell of a headache and a stomachache.
The victor of this match was to present their dominance by spanking the loser 50 times. Both sides agreed, neither side came out disappointed with the results.
"Somebody's been a bad bad boy. Somebody's been a bad bad boy."
The theme music Adray chose for his game over theme was Christmas Song ding Dong, by Gunther.
In the interests of fair play, one simple call was made before this match.
Yet it was a call that would change the tide of the battle completely.
"You are really a sadistic bastard, you know that, Zio?" Rubicant said, shaking his head. "Of all the things to decide..."
"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" A high pitched scream could be heard from the arena.
"...that?" Rubicant finished.
"Well, I thought it was only fair. No machines, no horses, no foolish magic, just a simple fight. One on one." Zio said, smiling slightly.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Again the shriek could be heard.
"Yeah, but who knew L'arachel could beat someone that hard with a staff?" Rolf said, shaking his head.
"Ahahahaha! This is so much fun!" L'arachel laughed, chasing the shrieking Tony around the arena.
"And who knew Tony could scream that loud?" Rolf finished.
"Does it matter? He'll tire himself out pretty soon." Zio said, shrugging.
"...you evil bastard. You even brought earplugs, didn't you." Rubicant said.
"What?" Zio said. "Oh, yes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll going to take a nap." He said, settling into his chair.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tony shrieked, as he was chased by a vicious teenager.
"...I guess you have to earn your reputation as an villian somehow." Rolf said, sighing, as he stuck his fingers into his ears.
*Six days before the match.*
"Special training?" Lepant said, puzzled, as his wife packed various clothing and goods into a suitcase.
"Yes. You've heard of White Rose and her...tendancy to allure women, correct?" "Of course, dear." "Well, I'm not about to let anyone, in any way, keep me from my husband. I will find a way to overcome this with sheer strength of will." Eileen nodded decisively. "And I've found some people willing to help."
"...Well, you needn't worry so much...er..." Lepant coughed. "That is to say, I'm sure you'll do fine without any training."
"Nonsense. My mind is made up." Eileen said, smiling.
"...it's too bad she doesn't remember I can't cook very well." Lepant said to himself, sighing. "Oh well. If her mind is made up, I guess I can go out to dinner for the rest of the week. Or eat soup. All this over something I wouldn't mind very much anyway." He sighed." What kind of training keeps a Mystic from charming you, anyway?" Lepant added out loud.
"You'll see." Eileen said, laughing a little.
*Six days later.*
"You haven't seen her?" Lepant said, frowning down at the arena, where White Rose waited impatiently.
"Nope. She hasn't shown up anywhere I know of in the last six days." Viktor said, shaking his head. "Neither have a few other people, though...but I can't imagine she's with them..."
"Who?" Lepant asked.
"Ohohoho!" A voice laughed into the arena, as a woman stepped into the ring.
At least, it seemed like it was probably a woman.
"...Eileen!?" Lepant said, stunned, as he stared down at the overly made up, overdressed, curly haired woman who walked into the arena.
"...Well, the other guys, as you probably guessed, were Milich Oppenheimer, Simone, Vincent, Augustine, Schtolteheim Reinbach the Third, and Josephine." Viktor said.
"...what kind of...why..." Lepant stammered.
"Ahhh, I see you have noted the fruits of our labors, my friend." Augustine said, walking over to Lepant. "Is she not beautiful? Is it not a wonderful thing, that she has become this ravishing for you?"
"...For me?" "But of course. She wished to become so in love with herself that she could never be charmed by that girl."
Lepant blinked. "...I know Eileen is naive, but you did tell her that's...not...all that's odd about your group?" "But of course. But she was so adamant..."
"Oh, my. You are so incredibly strong, my lady Eileen. I couldn't possibly challenge you." White Rose's words took Lepant's attention from the conversation.
"Ohohoh. So you realize my true beauty, then? Very well. You may forfeit against me, and in return, I shall allow you to appreciate my beauty as much as you wish." Eileen said smiling, as the crowd cheered.
"...uhm." Lepant stared down at the arena, as White Rose and Eileen walked out, hand in hand. "...I clearly need to have a talk with my wife."
"And today, on the Chisato Madison Show, the sordid tale of lesbianism ruining a perfect marriage, and how beautiful love can rise from the ashes!" Chisato said, as a crowd of people cheered her name.
"...Uh, chief, this...doesn't really seem your style." Morte noted.
"No?" Chisato said. "Oh, right, you actually thought I was doing a real show." Chisato said, as she turned the tear gas and flamethrowers on the audience. "No, I just hate those crowds."
"...darn, I was hoping to hear what happened to those two." Gilgamesh said, sighing.
"Oh, you didn't hear? Lepant managed to snap her out of it after a good week of intensive therapy. I hear he didn't try too hard for the first day or so. White Rose is a great cook, and, well, when your wife's with a Mystic..." Odin said, smirking.
Chisato simply turned the flamethrower on Odin.
White Rose: 35
The primal, raging fire, clashing against Cray's own mastery of the earth.
There could be only one outcome.
"You know, I think they'll probably fix that somehow by the next time Cray fights." Lucca said, as she watched her own Flare combine with Cray's earth magic, and the resulting Ragnarok smash Cray flat.
"But hey, at least there's some use for Cray's magic. Even if it is killing Cray." She said, shrugging, as she walked out of the arena.
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A match between two dead girls? In Season XXX? We have a word for that...
Slaughter, as Nanami sadly takes the match against the sexier, cooler, and infinitely more awesome Mystina.
She can take heart in the fact that she and a few other VP mages just Celestial Starred the entirety of the suikoscrub crew after the match, though. Nothing beats abusing multible shiny overkill attacks against a bunch of losers.
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--------- One week ago: ---------
Laharl woke from his slumber, chills running down his spine. His ears pricked, listening for the slightest sound that could indicate what had woken him.
"Huh? It's just those stupid Prinnys singing. Must be another Red Moon..." muttered the sleepy Overlord as he rummaged through a pile of legendary weapons kept next to his casket.
Selecting a Longinus, Laharl opened his window and chucked the weapon at the nearest Prinny. He was rewarded with a loud squawk of "DOOD!", to which he responded: "Now keep it down out there!" and slammed the window.
Grumbling, Laharl wandered back to bed. But the foreboding feeling continued.
"Why do I have such a bad feeling about this?" grumbled Laharl. "What threat could reincarnating Prinnys possibly be?"
--------- Today: ---------
Jogurt stepped into the ring.
The number "1000K" floated up from below Mel, as she was scattered into her component atoms, leaving behind only a Jogurt Ring.
Roaring in triumph, Jogurt tore into the audience, sending Godlikes flying like so many bowling pins.
Amid the soft clinking of Jogurt Rings falling like rain in the arena, the judges conferred.
"Level four *thousand!?!* You've got to be kidding me!" yelled Tidus.
"Isn't this technically interference?" asked Magus.
"Yeah, but do *you* want to be the one to tell Jogurt Baal that he's disqualified?" replied Setzer.
"Good point." chorused Tidus and Magus.
"Well, I vote we give Mel the win. It's only fair," decided Tidus.
"I think we should give it to Jogurt," said Magus. "It's the only way we're going to escape this arena alive. Then we can go back in time later and replace Fou Lu with a duplicate so he *doesn't* get vaporized by a hamster like just now. Having a dragon god owe us a favor will make it worth it."
"Well, Setzer?" asked Tidus. "I guess it's your call... Oh for heaven's sake, tell me you're not flipping a coin!"
"Hey," grinned Setzer. "I'm a gambler. It's what I do."
One coin flip later, and the winner was announced to be...
In a war of two girls, battling with thrown knives against thrown discus, there are no winners.
There are only the perverts who happened to be at this match because it was cheaper than Angela vs Fiora.
That is to say, the complete and total losers.
No, there are no winners, when your opponent gets chased out of the arena due to...strategic...tears in her clothing from your attacks, while you go unnoticed despite similar tears. Despite being a young blonde girl. Colette may have won, but she had also very much lost.
Colette was later seen tripping onto random perverts. It made her feel better. Can't say the same for the perverts.
The Duelling League Upkeep Committe has a two million Gil bill for Collette, for the removal of said perverts from the walls and floors.
Waiting for her match to start, Wakaba sighed and picked nervously at her pleated skirt. “Remind me why I’m wearing this again master?” Rather than her normal fighting clothes, she was in a classic Japanese school girl uniform, and was feeling quite embarrassed.
Her master, the great L.C. Chan, nodded sagely at her question(because that’s what great masters do, of course), “Because this is Season XXX, the season of weirdness and perversion, and a fighter must always honor the spirit of the competition in which he fights. And this is the best way for you to do it without looking like some harlot.”
“Oh yes, of course. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, master.” She had never heard of this ‘honor the spirit of the competition’ rule before, but it made sense. Kinda. And who was she to doubt the words of her great master?
. . .
The match was over quickly. Wakaba charged in for one of her famous high kicks and Bannon passed right out. It was a little confusing, since he had managed to dodge her attack, and she had no idea why his nose was bleeding. Or why the noses of almost every older man in the audience were doing likewise. Maybe they were just too old for this kind of action? Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Wakaba simply accepted her victory and left the arena.
“Damn it Chan! I know you fixed that fight! I don’t know how you did it, but I know you did it!” Shilo was seething as he counted out Chan’s winnings from betting an absurd amount of potch on his student.
“Shut your trap and keep counting, mamma’s boy. I think you’re almost halfway there.”
The Boys are Back in Town
The sexiest man in the league. The most couragous, the most heroic, the most capable of defeating any threat.
Yes, the best of the best had won this day.
"...then they said David Bowie didn't count for this, though, and awarded the match to me." Yuri finished.
Then backhanded Edge for laughing.
"That's it, I'm going to find out who that idiot is and kill him. It's bad enough I have to get judged by Opera and Deis while they're watching other guys strip at a strip club." Yuri said, shaking his head.
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Duel to the death
Sephiroth moves to teh left, with masaune front and center 'aeris is dead n00b none can stop me!' as he slashes and goes for the kill but cloud ducks and jumps udner sepfioth's table.
GO CLOUD yells tifa through the window before she falls over (due to her brests? lol) and cloud gets the ultimate omnislash attack (thru the power of <3) and hits sephiroth with fifteen hits!!!!! of 9999 damage.
ugh says sephirth you've gotten stronger but now I will destroy u for good. then he uses Heartless angel
wait you're in kingdom hearts form(great game you should play it it roxxors) says Cloud in shock.
i guess you should have checked me out first moron lolz says Sephiroth as he hits cloud with Heartless Angel for megakill damage(at least it alas killed me any1 have any tips email Sephiroth666EmoMaster@hotmail.com) and then Cloud dies
Way 2 go sephiroth I guess we make you eternal king of the DL now says every1 and then Sephiroth pimps out with the finest ladies(he's not gay he just takes good care of himself mornos) and goes rolling, and no hatin' or patrolling is aloud.
Sephiroth kills: 82
Cloud kills: 60
Dark Holy Elf
Starphoenix das Helpoemer
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