Thou art a foul to battle against the mighty Fou-Lu the god emperor and strongest amongst the godlikes... tell me Emo, do you believe you have power to take on god himself? How arrogant of you...
Fou-Lu defeates his fellow endless who could not battle her Nephew alone and win
Sure, Xorn could have gone the predictable route, and crushed Ultimecia easily, but...something about her impressed him. Her mindless slaughter? Her random and inexplicable accent? Her puny attempts to crush the hopes and loves of others? Something in Xorn's dark heart swelled at the sight of Ultimecia's Greiver junction form...Was this...love?
Well, Xorn used the match to ask Ultimecia out on a villainous date. Knowing herself to be outclassed, and hoping to score a free dinner, Ultimecia accepted. Do you know how much it takes to feed a woman of Final Ultimecia's size?! She's like bigger than a house. Just don't let her hear you say that or else...well, she probably won't kill you, because if she could do that, she might get respect. But there is will talking. Lots of badly accented talking.
A brilliant slash.
A confused, horrified gasp from the crowd, then a stunned silence.
The battle was over even before it began.
"...what the hell is that?" Jecht wondered aloud from his seat in the judge's box, as the fourty-foot tall cloaked being, standing behind Valvalis, proceeded to slash a horrified Emelious in two.
"...why me." Valvalis sighed, staring up at the figure. She knew how such aid went in the Duelling League. Especially since she could see inside the cloak from her angle.
Moments later, the entire world knew, as, cackling madly, the figure proceeded to throw off it's cloak, revealing...
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! You fools! You condemned me, you insulted me, you called me pathetic and a failure and said that damned Paladin could beat me alone, but look at me now! Witness the true power of Grand Milon X, and despair!" It yelled through loudspeakers, as a giant, towering, demonic, entirely mechanical robot proceeded to blast the stands with lightning cannons.
"...that's it, I'm not drunk enough to handle this." Jecht noted, as he shrugged at the other judges and waved at a (fleeing) waiter to bring him some alcohol.
Naturally, Milon's robotic form, like every other form of Milon, turned out to be relatively weak; Ultimately, Giant Chu-Chu and Grand Milon X were seen to have a long, epic battle. While Milon X ultimately won, damage was too great, and it sadly collapsed.
Then fell over, sank into a lake, then exploded a few more times.
Then the lake started boiling.
Ultimately, Milon's still proud of his escapades, which perhaps says quite a bit about his self-esteem. Valvalis, naturally, lost by interference-a fellow cast member, yet. Naturally, she took it out on Milon. Sure, she probably would have lost anyways, but does she really need an excuse for that?
And who would make a giant robotic Milon wielding a huge sword, you ask?
Several hours after the match, Lexis Shaia found himself clad in superhero garb with a massive headache. The first words he uttered were a declaration to swear off Jolt Cola.
Needless to say, that won't last.
Emelious de Pamela: 45
The two combatants first exchanged some fighting words. Zophar made the first move.
"Now... now is the best time to get my sweet revenge on you, Silver Maiden! I thought I would be defeated again when I watched your last match from far away. No thanks to that pesky blonde knight who crossed this dimension..."
Chris responded, "I know who you're referring to. Saber."
"Ahaha. Absolutely. Now that she won't come back for the time being..."
"Hmph. I knew Saber won't come back... but at least I acquired her fighting skills!"
"Enough banter! Let the carnage begin!"
The bell then rang, signaling the start of the match.
While Chris made a good improvisation of Saber's fighting skills (minus the Excalibur, of course), Zophar chanted something.
"I am the bone of my hatred.
Emo is my body and revenge is my blood.
I have slain over a thousand punies.
Unknown to the judges, nor known to the commentators.
Have withstood constant mockery from Godlike wannabes.
Yet my quest for supremacy is neverending.
So, as I say...
UNLIMITED DESTRUCTION WORKS!"
Zophar's new attack made short work of the Silver Maiden.
After the match has ended...
Chisato, Ultros, Nate, and Morte secretly agreed to invite the TYPE-MOON staff for a future special match.
Chris Lightfellow: 37
Starphoenix das Helpoemer
To prevent another repeat of "The Falena Scandal", both the DL management and the prince himself took some precautionary measures.
The management stationed more guards and checkpoints to prevent perverts and peeping Toms from having their way.
And the prince has installed sound barriers, tinted windows, and a big sign saying "No Sex Video Capturing Allowed" in his locker room.
The night before the match, Frey and Lyon made love more than ever without fear of getting their privacy invaded. And on the day of the match, the prince's Crimson Sky barrage went as planned without any hitches, handing him his second victory in the DL.
It really pays for the prince of Falena to emulate a Boy Scout: always ready.
"Let me get this straight, young lady. You boast that you can control the moon itself."
"Do any... others amongst your cast have such capabilities?"
Freya hesitated before responding, "Well, Quina has the power to call upon night, as well, but hers tends to make people drowsy instead of berserk. Look, I don't see why you want this information, but-"
Sierra chuckled, a deep, throaty laugh. "Oh, my dear, it's nothing of the sort. I am... looking into assembling a small group of fighters. One must always be vigilant, after all... as such, I'd like to make a business proposition."
"What sort of proposition?" Freya asked bluntly.
"Well, you see..."
Locke slowly lifted the necklace from the chest with a grin. "Excellent. Celes'll like thi-"
Suddenly, the cave went instantly dark. Locke turned, looking out into an endless night that not even his torch penetrated. "What the hell?"
"Return the necklace to the chest, mortal. These are ancient treasures, not meant to be touched by any human."
"Who are you?" Locke bellowed.
"We will not permit noncompliance." This was the last thing Locke heard, before a lance, fork, fist and invisible claw barreled into him, knocking him unconscious.
And thus did the world come to fear the Night Sanctifiers. Under the guidance of Brahms, Sierra, Freya and Qui-
er. Under the guidance of Brahms, Sierra, and Freya, the group of four roamed the land, purging evil and corruption wherever it was found.
Oh. The match? They were too busy hunting down evil and perverts to actually fight each other, so Ness flipped a coin, it turned up heads. Sierra won.
Freya Crescent: 25
Alex is a hero of the first game in an RPG series
Cress is a hero in the first game of an RPG series
Alex has a trademark legendary weapon in the Althena's Sword
Cress has a trademark legendary weapon in the Eternal Sword
Alex has massive physical and elemental damage
Cress has massive physical and elemental damage
Alex resists most elements
Cress resists most elements
Alex can boost his attack with Vigor
Cress can boost his attack with Vigor
Alex has Healing
Cress has Healing
Alex has game best HP and Defense
Cress has game best HP and Defense
Alex can summon dragons
And thus, the similarities end <_<
Cress Albane: 28
I really wish there was some witty way to explain this match but...well, there isn't.
All it comes down to is this.
Barbarossa < The Gods.
Elves = the Vessels of the Gods.
Artea = Elf.
Yet again, simple math and equalities work again!
Colm rolled his eyes at Neimi's worrying over him, "I'll be fine. This one will be a piece of cake, I promise."
Neimi, however, wasn't so convinced, "But, but people say that Tristan is such a powerful fighter that the three Sky Knights consider him an equal! I'm so afraid he's going to hurt you!"
Sighing, Colm pushed Neimi away as the match announcer stated calling for his entrance, "Relax, his profile says he's a General, right? I know how to handle those guys. Big, heavy armor, slow as dirt, can barely turn around fast enough to keep me in sight let alone hit me. This one's in the bag. Anyway, it's time to get on with this. Just don't cry, alright?"
As Neimi nodded and held back her tears, Colm turned on his heel and cockily walked into the arena...only to find a rather slender and athletic man in a light suit of blue armor carrying a very large sword easily in one hand. Blinking Colm drew his sword and reflexively entered his fighting crouch, "Uh, you're Tristan?"
The blonde man nodded to him and brought his sword up in a salute, "Indeed I am. And you must be Colm. Are we ready to begin then?"
"Um, well, could I ask a question first? You're a General, right?"
Tristan nodded, "Yes, and?"
"I was kinda expecting a really big guy with alot of armor and a spear then."
"Heavy armor and a spear? I think you're mistaken, all the Generals I know prefer the blade and tend not to be any more heavily armor clad then I am. Is that all you had to ask?"
Sighing again, Colm nodded, "Yeah, that's it. Let's get this over with then." Now that he was no longer sure of exactly what he was up against, all of Colm's earlier confidence had left him. Now it was do or die against an opponent that he was unsure of the capabilities of.
But he didn't have long to worry about it. With a curt nod, Tristan brought his sword up in an aggressive stance, "Excellent. Now, defend yourself. Enguard!" And with that, the prince of Zenobia was across the floor at lightning speed, pressing in an attack so furious that even Colm could barely dive out of the way.
But as soon as Colm tried to launch a counter attack at the General's back, Tristan was already on top of him, and sent the thief sprawling with one solid blow from his sword. Following up on his attack, Tristan swiftly moved over to Colm's side as he tried to rise, and leveled the point of his sword at Colm's head. "Yeild?"
Staring up at his opponent for a moment, Colm decided that it was probably bet that he just swallow his pride, and nodded, "Yeah. Damn, this was like me trying to take on Joshua, only you hit harder. How do you swing a sword that big, that fast?"
Tristan grinned and helped his beaten opponent up, "Practice until my arms are about to fall off, how else? Well, I'll be off then, before the pink haired lady over there tramples me trying to get to you. Good match, sir Colm."
Allowing himself to be pulled up to his feet, Colm nodded, "Yeah, same to you." Without another look at the man who just mopped the floor with him, Colm started limping over to Neimi, "Yes Neimi, I'm fine. Do something useful and go find Moulder, will you?"
Tristan Zenobia: 30
"Hey, watch where you put that sprocket!" "No no no no no, you need to hook that up to here, not to his cooling valve..." "Okay. Now, install the secondary core..." "Alright. Robo, you awake?"
Robo's eyes slowly glimmered on, as he looked at the horde of female scientists. "Systems functional. Running at 97%. Second core..."
"NONONONONO!" Lucca blurted. "Do not access secondary core!"
"Access permitted. Withdrawing request. Miss, what have you installed?"
"A bit of... ah, revenge on the perverts."
"It's a symbolic blow." Precis added, bouncing up and down on one foot. "Just activate the core once you've got Zidane on the ropes. We don't want you throwing the match because of us, okay?"
"Affirmative. What is the secondary core for?" Robo asked.
"It's.. a way for another program to manifest. It has strict limitations - we got Blair Lansfeld to ensure it can't overstep its bounds." Lucca assured Robo. "Your match is about to start. Go for it!"
Zidane panted, leaning on his right arm heavily as Robo slowly moved up to him. "Good match, Robo."
"Indeed. I am sorry, but I have a message from the League of Female Scientists." Robo said calmly.
"...that's never good." Zidane grumbled, as Robo opened his core. A melodious chime rang out, as voices rang out at the same time.
"We at the League of Female Scientists, Engineers and Mechanics would like to tell the perverts of the DL to have a nice day! Oh, and we'll cover your medical fees for this, Zidane. Sorry, but you're the scapemonkey here~"
Zidane simply sighed as Robo's core and eyes began glowing bright red. A booming voice came out of nowhere, slamming into the arena stands.
Zidane was healed almost immediately after Genocide Heart finished ravaging him, as the League almost felt embarrassed by how vicious the ensuing slaughter was. He also got a cookie.
Robo has a new toy! However, it doesn't plant forest. Thus, he discarded it for interstellar golf games online.
The League's gotten some renown for getting Genocide Heart inside a little container, and are now saving the core he's in for future use.
And the refs gave Robo the win.
All in all, it went well, considering.
Zidane Tribal: 32
Grand Master stared down the arena at the Lich, just waiting for his foolish opponent to make his move.
Up on the stands, his three Light Warrior companions watched from afar.
White Mage shook her head, "He's dead, he's dead, he's so damn demonically, diabolically dead that Death itself could kill him anymore so than this..."
Fighter laughed, "Technically his opponent IS Death!"
Thief stared at the two of them. "What in hell? How is it, Fighter, that the minute we retired, well, most of us," He gestured to the fist-fighting idiot in the arena who was still staring at his opponent, "You've become such a giant nerd! I mean, who uses the word techinically in this day and age! And White Mage! You're a White Mage! Heal the idiot if you think he's so undeniably dead!"
White Mage gasped, "Undeniably! I new I'd missed a word! And I would heal him, but lest you forget, I'm retired. And with retirement comes laziness. Hmph!"
Thief sighed, "Fine. At least if he dies I get his house... And everything in it... And his family's belongings... and his money... but not his cat!"
"Will you three shut up!!!" The Light Warriors looked down to see Lich glaring at them, having already disposed of his opponent whilst they were chatting.
He had simply rolled his eyes, waved his hand to paralyse Grand Master with a Hold Spell, and used his Earth Magic to bury Grand Master under a pile of rocks. If only the fool had have acted first...
Let's look things over here:
Blaziken-Best attacks are Fire Based
Kurtis-Best attacks are Fire Based
Kurtis-Does not resist Fire.
Kurtis-Has somewhat powerful Counters against melee attacks.
Blaziken-Best damage is non-contact, won't trigger counters.
Blaziken-Can use Bulk Up to reduce the hit from Kurtis' non-fire attacks as well as make Sky Uppercut hit harder then Flamethrower
Kurtis-Has no buffing ability at all.
Do I really need to go on here?
A young kobold.
There are rules about these things.
Naturally, a young kobold is an early-game foe, easily dispatched.
However, a logical hero, capable of dispatching greater foes, may grind off a stronger form of kobold instead, further insuring his victory.
It all makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
"Doesn't it!?" A weeping Gabocha asked Gengen, as he hid in the closet. "If I just call off the match, he won't hurt us!"
Ultimately, Gengen, none-too-brilliant himself, was forced to agree with the simple logic.
And so, Mullen, puzzled, received Gabocha's paniced forfeit gracefully.
At last check, the entire Kobold Village was off in various Caves of Trials.
They'll never be caught in this situation again!
They'll be sending in rescue teams any time now.
Tony is fighting kids!
Just a bunch of kids!
How could they possibly stop him!?
Why, last time-...wait.
With such cheerful thoughts, Tony went into the arena with a combination of murderous rage and secret fear.
Tim, meanwhile, went in relaxed and hopeful.
Which works better in a fight?
Ask the red stain on the floor, with a stunned Pooka staring blankly at it.
Tim Rhymeless: 23
In a freak show contest!
What? When's the last time you saw someone with real wings or a third eye walking around?
Well, Opera may have shot off Nina's wings before the match, making her just look like a normal girl, if one with incredibly bad hair. As bad hair is not at all uncommon, especially the bad spiky variety that won't stay down properly, Opera was declared the winner!
Opera Vectra: 47
As a young and excitable girl, Meg harbors secret insecurities that don't have up in game. Will young men find her attractive? Will it be her fate to be on old lady, surrounded by a gaggle of robot cats? And sometimes when dark moods are upon her, these secret insecurities cause her to go insane with rage.
Unfortunately, during the pre-match, Meg watched as Asch combed that lovely carrot hair, his true pride and joy, until it gleamed. Within the movement of that beatuous long hair, the gleams of red brought out the anger within Meg's soul. Why, if she had a red pseudo-mullet, all the boys might love her! Why didn't they love her! Losing herself to the anger, she blindly rushed Asch, and sadly, forgot to heal, making it easy for the general to outslug her.
However, there is a plus side for Meg: In her rage, she managed to hack off most of Asch's glorious hair, which she then turned into a wig. Now everyone is sure to notice her. Sure, she may have lost, but she lost in style! It makes you wonder, who really won here?
Heat wins through the power of Tentacle Porn.