Season 25, Week 4
Mario
(Super Mario RPG)
 
Its'a him, the original star of the video game world! Mario's dominating run through Heavy this season has been a heroic strike for old-schoolers everywhere. Now he faces off against one of the new generation's greatest fighters, Wakka! Mario's turtle shells and fireballs might be put to the test against this jock, but he's not without some tricks up his sleeve! With his Attack Scarf, he can easily run rings around the slower sports fanatic and dodge any attacks thrown his way. A few Lazy Shells and Ultra Flames later, and Mario should be on his way to the final bout in Heavy this season, one win away from a championship.

V

S

One of the heroes of an RPG that embodies a new generation of gaming is gonna be kickin' it old-school this week, preferably by kicking around an old-school weakling. The world famous blitzer's gonna be matching wits and weapons with Mario, one of the most classic heroes in any video game. But old-school or not, Mario's just the kind of opponent Wakka loves to fight. Mario can't resist all three of Wakka's deadly Triple Foul statuses, and it only takes one to lay the plumber out. Add in the World Champion's powers and the guardian has all the options in the world to choose from when he wipes the floor with this venerable hero.


Lance
The day before Mario was set to take on Wakka, he received an extra-special pep talk from Peach. Normally, the Princess is not the kind of person to hold a grudge, but when she heard that her beloved Mario was going up against the guy who beat her earlier in the season, Peach's vindictive side began to show. What better way to humiliate that brash Blitzballer than to have her dear sweet stud muffin beat him to a bloody pulp? After Peach played up the 'damsel in distress' role a bit and promised to bake Mario the biggest cake he'd ever seen if he won this next match, the mustachioed plumber had all the motivation he needed to avenge the loss of his girlfriend.

Then Bowser got involved. It turns out that the Koopa King was still upset over his loss to Rikku all those seasons ago, so he figured that striking a blow against one of her friends would be a good way to exact some revenge. He proposed a cunning and diabolical plan to Mario and, in the end, managed to form an alliance with his sworn enemy. Mario was suspicious, of course, but he figured that since they both had a common goal, it couldn't hurt to work together. After all, it wasn't the first time they'd done so.

You would think that Mario would know better by now.

It turns out that Bowser's "cunning and diabolical plan" was just like all the others he had come up with over the years: kidnap his enemy's girlfriend/wife/love interest and hold them hostage in a remote castle somewhere. Simple, yet effective. All they had to do was kidnap Lulu and Wakka would be so busy trying to rescue her that he would miss his match. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened next. Mario tried his hand at damsel-capturing and got a face full of dual-casted Flares for his troubles. Wakka won the match by default since Mario never showed up (it was kind of hard for him to fight in a full body cast, after all). When Wakka later asked Lulu what had happened to his opponent, she merely shrugged and tried her best to hide a smile.

And Bowser? Well, you can still hear him guffawing from his castle even though the match took place three days ago. I guess even incompetent dolts like Bowser are bound to have one of their plans work every now and then.

Mario: 42
Wakka: 68

Tide
It's a 1 on 1 and the two fighters are off! Wakka throws his projectile right at Mario, but what's this? Mario takes his cape out and sends it flying back at the poor blitzer! And he's going for the throw, the headbutt and...OH MY GOD, HE BRINGS OUT THE HAMMER! OH THE PAIN!

- Oh wait, this isn't Smash Brothers is it?

*watches as Wakka Triple Fouls, Osmose's then hits Mario with the TKO*

Lurking Registered User
"I hear you don't like projectiles much, ya?" gloated Wakka as he flung a Triple Foul. Mario, as expected, jumped over the ball, but Wakka had anticipated the reaction and added spin, causing it to curve upwards. The match looked like it was already over, thought the Besaid warrior. It was kind of disappointing, considering the hype he'd heard...

---Flashback to six days earlier---

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" asked Princess Peach, concerned for her mustachioed hero. "I mean, what kind of 'special training regimen' involves sleeping for eighteen hours a day and watching 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert' a hundred times?"

But Mario just gave her a gallant nod, and drifted back off to sleep. He had training to do!

--------End Flashback--------

Yep, Mario had no chance, thought Wakka... until the stout plumber finished his jump and landed, not on Wakka's head - but his World Champion blitzball! As the ball hurtled merrily aloft, carrying Mario with it, Wakka heard a distinct sound effect, much like someone hauling a giant turnip from the ground. But by the time Wakka realized where he'd heard the noise before, he'd already been caught with a return serve of his own attack. Blinded and without his ball, Wakka was unable to Evade and Counter Mario's subsequent Kain-like jump onto his head, ending the match.

Mario 'Yahoo'-ed as he bounced in triumph. All that training against the cross-dressing Birdo in Sub World 1 had been worth it!

Cinny
Wakka can't exactly match up to someone so powerful that they can kill people just by JUMPING on them.