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Sarevok (Baldur's Gate 1) |
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Cursed Bhaalspawn and the lone representive of his game, Sarevok's not one to hold back and play nice. Mauling Miguel was merely a warmup, and whatever creature Jade is will prove to be no more challenging. Reducing Jade's BoltX and Chill spells to 10% of their power will drop Jade's damage to pathetic levels, while Sarevok's AC more than renders Jade's physical a sad joke. Pressing forward with the same greatsword that slaughtered countless innocents, Sarevok will put to rest Myria's sad little servant, one brutal, overwhelming slash at a time. |
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With his goddess having been defeated in the first round, Kabuterimon's distant cousin must now battle twice as hard if he is to take a title fitting of the servant of Goddess Tyr. Once again, he pits the most valuable trait of any Breath of Fire boss - massive, massive durability - against his opponent. Though Sarevok may be fiendishly resilient like Jade himself, Sarevok lacks one thing - BoltX. Jade's powerful, world-destroying spell will rend the Bhaalspawn in short order, turning the would-be Lord of Murder into a wilted salad with delicious parmesan dressing. |
OblivionKnight "BoltX! BoltX! BoltX! BoltX! BoltX! BoltX! BoltX! Why won't you die!?" The bug lord was furious. People were just supposed to keel over and die when he started chanting his dreaded magic, weren't they? "You," Sarevok said, his voice cold as ice, "will not win. You lack the qualities needed..." and in an uncharacteristicly high-pitched and happy voice, Sarevok said, "Dance: Ten, Looks: Three" Jade's world stopped - all he could see was the stage, and himself standing in front of a crowd. Next to him, Michael Flatley danced with frightening speed, finishing up his bravado with a wink towards the crowd. All stood and applauded the Riverdancer. Then all eyes turned to Jade. Slowly, the lightning bug put his foot forward, and began to dance. Picking up speed, he swung his legs around, tightening his buttocks as he began to rise with the music. He continued on for what seemed like hours, until finally, the director in the front told him to stop. Slowly the director stood up, and came to the front of the stage. "Well, you both did absolutely fantastic. I have your scores written down here, so I'll just read them off: Michael, Dance: 9, Looks: 10. Jade, Dance: 10, Looks: 3. Michael, you're our man! Congratulations! Bug Face! Out of here!" Jade shook his head as he came back to reality. At least, he thought he had, until he noticed that Sarevok now donned a top hat, and his sword was replaced by a black tap cane. And then, his voice, his feet...the murderous Bhaalspawn was dancing and singing: "God, I hope I get it. I hope I get it. How many people does he need? How many boys, how many girls?" Jade's anger grew...he would not be defeated again! Calling forth the spirit of theatre that had long laid dormant, the monstrous beast began his dance. The two battling dancers unleashed a flurry of fantastic techniques, all the cheers and applause of the crowd. For minutes this continued, until finally, they stopped. From the judge's box, Albedo came out. "Well, that was entertaining" he said. "Now, I have your scores...Sarevok, Dance:9, Looks:9. Jade: Dance:10, Looks:3. Sarevok is our winner!" Jade screamed in agony at having lost once more. He left the arena, ready to do something he finally realized he had to do... Two weeks later, Budhec Castle's theatre seats were sold out for the peformance of a rising star, and beautiful young girl by the name of Jade, blonde hair and glowing eyes electrifying her dance: "'Dance: ten; Looks; three,' I like to die! Left the theatre and Called the doctor for My appointment to buy... Tits and ass. Bought myself a fancy pair. Tightened up the derriere. Did the nose with it. All that goes with it. Tits and ass! Had the bingo-bongos done. Suddenly I'm getting nash'nal tours! Tits and ass won't get you jobs Unless they're yours!" Sarevok: 22 |
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