"So gentlemen, the question before us is whether we want the portrait of an extremely effeminant man, or that of an uncouth looking clown to grace the DL Hall of Champions" stated one of the four shadowy figures gathered around a table.
"My good friend Vincent, I do believe that one picture of an ugly clown is quite more than enough, no?"
"Ah, you are quite right, Simone. Despite his feminine appearance, Zophar still commands such presence! Augustine, Gordon, what are your thoughts?"
"Please, not that moronic clown. He lacks such grace and style"
"I concur with Augustine"
"Then it is settled" said Vincent "We shall teach Zophar all he needs to know so that he can become the godlike champ!"
A few hours later...
"Tell me, little man, why I shouldn't destroy you on the spot?"
"We have a common foe, my friend. We who value grace and beauty do not wish to see such a boarish man like Kefka winning. We are here to offer help"
"And what help could you possibly give me? I could turn the entire arena into a fallout zone in the blink of an eye!"
"Perhaps...a more subtle way of victory would be more satisfying? It is quite well known that little animals like Jogurt can withstand more damage than Kefka. We think it'd be much more entertaining and stylish to crush his spirit."
"Interesting. Cunning. Evil. Tell me more and I'll consider it"
"But of course, my friend. But of course..."
The Championship Finals
"Wahahahahahaahah! Little insect! Bug! You cannot stand up against my power!" screamed the maniacal clown.
"Kefka!" Zophar's voice rumbled, shaking the arena stands "I must say, I really do admire your dress and make up! The drag queen look really suits you!" The crowd burst out into laughter. "Some accessories would make you look even better!"
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut Up! I'll destroy you all!!"
"We can debate your pitiful duelling abilities another time. Right now I'd like to give you a gift" With that, Zophar showered Kefka with four handfuls of roses.
"Oh don't be so testy. Have some more gifts!" Zophar snapped his fingers and a stuffed moogle materialized in Kefka's hands while a baby chocobo that had been called in began to nuzzle against Kefka's leg"
"Still not satisfied? You sure are tough to please. Very well then..." Zophar snapped his fingers again, summoning the Care Bears and Rainbow Brite. "Meet your new friends"
"Would you like to come to Care-a-Lot with us?" invited Funshine Bear.
"Or the End of the Rainbow?" chimed in Rainbow Brite.
"Nooooooooooooo" Kefka broke down, sobbing. "So cute. Must join. No. Must destroy. No. Aaagh"
"Destroying things isn't very nice. Come with use, we'll teach you how to be friendly and how to care for others!" offered True Heart Bear, taking Kefka by the hand while Brite took the other.
"You'll learn all about how color makes the world a happy place" said Brite as they floated up, taking Kefka to lands unknown.
"Uh...well...I guess Zophar wins." proclaimed Orlandu. "Zophar is our new Godlike Champ"
"Hahahahaha! Even the mighty Kefka broke down before my power! I am Zophar, lord of evil!"
"We didn't make a mistake did we, dear friend"
"He is the lesser of two evils. We shall deal with Zophar next season. Soon, the DL shall produce nothing but aristocratic grace and beauty for its champions"
Roufas stood in a packed arena, with only a puppet with a gun blocking his way to the title platform. Without moving, the cool headed leader of Gradius just posed.
It was an epic staredown. An epic clash of wills.
-It was boring.-
So boring, that when Liza and Annie ran through the crowds naked, that a small riot broke out around them. For a mintue or two, no one, including the refs, paid attention to the match.
One highly illegal, and bought and paid for Time Eclipse later, Geno was knocked out, tossed out, and ran over by the mob of perverts looking to get a piece of the girls.
It goes without saying, but Geno was not amused when he was finally destoned, glued together, and polished up after his rather painful loss.
Myth and legend is filled with tales of swordsmen slaying terrible beasts, and emerging bloodied, yet victorious after a hard fought battle.
Plays and books spoke colorfully of mythical monsters reeling away and disappearing in a flash after being touched by the mystical sword wielded by a determined warrior, leaving no trace of their existance to the awe of the formerly despairing spectators.
Ballads of heroes vanquishing evil has been created for centuries, since the first bard decided to glorify the efforts of great men and women long past, who had defied all logic and reason, and banished the foul demon that lorded over the land.
And besides, he had the Granasaber and destroyed a whacko that tried to be god. How hard could a Fiend be?
After one of Tiamat's head caught his sword in mid-swing between one of its teeth, threw him up into the air, and began using his body to play an impromptu game of volleyball with the rest of her heads, Ryudo learned that the answer was "very hard".
Well, this match was an example of trickery in action gone horribly wrong.
Etna, realizing that no amount of fair fighting would work against Gryz's superior fighting skills, challenged him to, of all things, a talent show. She was prepared to exercise various mind control techniques to talk the Motavian into it, and was somewhat surprised when Gryz just shrugged after she was finished explaining the concept, and walked off.
She thought it was him agreeing, anyhow.
So, as the match-up started, Etna revealed her hidden talent.
Namely, juggling Prinnies.
Never mind that they have wings, which made things somewhat easier. The point is, she was juggling twelve at once. The crowd was unbelievably stunned, and the judges were suitably impressed.
Gryz, however, had decided to one-up Etna. Pulling out some of his home-town's unrefined Laconium, he called for a forge, and proceeded to forge a perfect Laconium Dagger. Then he called for a large pumpkin, which he carved in exquisite detail.
Then, as the yawning, half asleep judges watched, he quickly lobbed the pumpkin into the air, pulled out his axe, and slammed it into the pumpkin.
The flat of the axe. The pumpkin sailed into a high arc.
And landed directly on Etna's head. Gryz simply bowed, as the massive explosion from the falling Prinnies shook the arena. And the massive applause from the crowd.
So, Gryz is one of the few people to both knock out his opponent in a special contest and win it. A fitting end to his run, this season.
Orlandu blanched slightly at the task facing him. An entire ocean of fighters ringed Bloodbane and Orgodemir, with Guido Kandori and Rem standing in the middle. All of them were laughing, practically giddy at the chance for bloody revenge. The fighters were a mix of fear and rage, and unable to do anything but prepare for the worst.
Then Rolf started glowing. "I.. will..not... ALLOW THIS!" After a few quick words and gestures from Aya, Rolf charged into the middle of the pack.
Guido just stood and grinned. "Looks like Rolf seeks to have a hero's funeral. Let's give it to him. Sean, Crys, cut him down!" The Phantasy Star 3 warriors met Rolf's charge with outstretched swords. Stricken, Rolf fell to the ground, clearly dying from the attack.
Then the world exploded.
Orlandu surveyed the damage. Rolf's suicidal Megid attack had leveled most of Guido's army. Only Bloodbane, Rem, Orgodemir, and Guido still stood, all soaked in blood. Though hurt, Guido stood unbent. "KILL THEM ALL!" Guido and the Dragons rant to the ramparts, murder clearly in mind.
Then the world exploded again, right behind where Rem was floating.
"Again?!" Guido looked around. Rem was completely gone. Orgodemier was staggering from side to side, and Bloodbane was barely able to stand upright. Everyone was was wiped out by the second attack. Bloodbane attempted to say something, but only gurgled, as a shining blade lay embedded in his throat. From behind Bloodbane walked out a very beaten Rolf, covered in wounds from head to toe. Aya's Parasite Energy was wearing off, but it had given the agent the second wind he so badly needed.
Rolf's smile was covered in blood, and looked not the least bit friendly. "Looks like you were once again outmatched by the judges, Kandori. Your time is up."
Guido turned around quickly, and saw Orlandu, Baofu, and Mewtwo tearing through what was left of Orgodemir. Fuse, Aya, Edge, and Katsuya approched him, weapons bared and looking ready to fight.
Dropping his battered glasses, Guido sighed and got ready for combat. He was going down, but not without a fight.
"That should cover the last of it." Aya's hands glowed with energy, and the worst of Rolf's wounds closed. Orlandu stood nearby Rolf, supporting him. The criminals, or the remains of them, were being gathered by Fuse and company. Guido was the only one taken alive, and even he was near death after the beating that he took. Edge and Katsuya stood guard over him, weapons at hand.
Rolf looked over the carnage of the battlefield, and shook his head. "All this bloodshed.. what was gained?"
Guido looked up at this comment, and spat on the ground. "Pride. No matter what else you can say about me, I didn't go down without a fight."
The Booted: 31
The Officials: 32