BURNING FOR THE FANS WE BURN FOR THEM

~Grefter, Consumer of Infants

Loyal fans, it is once again our pleasure as your friends at Eurocorp to present to you the biggest and best rock group ever manufactured, we give you once again...

BURNING INTO THE GATES OF YOGSOTHOTH WE BURN.

GREETINGS LOYAL FANS, WE OF BITGOYSWB ARE ALWAYS PLEASED TO HAVE YOUR SUPPORT AND ADORATION.


Yes, and this group of talented artists has been overflowing with fantastic ideas for their next album, and they've run out of space for things they can cram onto the next hardcore doom metal grinding funk spleen-consuming release. The tracklist has mostly been set in stone, but there is still one more song to pick. This is why we are asking you here today: which track would you most like to see on the album? We have a very talented lineup of guest artists who were desperate to participate in an album with the great BITGOYSWB guys, and all of it is rather experimental progressive cutting edge hardcore spleen-eating stuff that the fans so love.

The first prospective guest is a good friend of Shigeo's, Decus - also formerly of Unlimited Indy and the Wise Men. After the group split because of internal tensions (Cyril couldn't understand why the drummer had his name in the title but not the lead singer, and other members wanted a chance in the limelight for a change), Decus has been looking for something to do. A small side project with an old friend is just what he's after. Although not normally a lead vocalist, Decus will be presenting his rendition of Danger! High Voltage by Electric Six.

FIRE IN THE DISCO INDEED. FIRE IN THE GATES OF HELL, MUCH LIKE FIRE IN THE BURNING GATES OF YOGSOTHOTH. DECUS CERTAINLY DOES HAVE AN INTERESTING SINGING VOICE. COMING UP WITH THIS WAS A GREAT JAM SESSION - FUJIN ONLY KICKED HIM 4 TIMES.

Second up is another friend of the band, Seifer Almasy. He's not a singer by trade, but has been involved in the music scene for a long time, unsuccessfully managing several bands, including Fujin and Raijin's two-member-barbershop-quartet project. Today he will be presenting a song that he has always felt related specifically to him, Bab's Uvulla Who? by Green Day.

NOT EXACTLY OUR STYLE, BUT THIS SORT OF THING IS APPARENTLY POPULAR AMONGST THE ANGSTY TEEN BOYS WHO RELATE TO THE UTTER FAILURE THAT IS SEIFER. OUCH! FUJIN, DON'T KICK ME SO HARD NEXT TIME. IT IS THE TRUTH AND YOU KNOW IT. YES, I KNOW, NO I WON'T. IT WILL BE ALRIGHT.

Next up is a talented female artist who has taken the happy-happy cutesy fangirl world by storm recently. There is no denying talent no matter the genre, so through liberal use of bags of money and peruasion we have organised a recording with the world-famous Magical Girl Ghaleon. In his beautiful pink frilly dress, he will by presenting Cheer Up Charlie from the classic Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie.

WE MAY NOT SEE EYE TO EYE WITH HER ON A PHILOSOPHICAL OR MUSICAL LEVEL, BUT A TRANSGENDERED SINGER WITH THAT MUCH TALENT AND VOCAL RANGE IS SOMETHING WE RESPECT. OH, AND SHIGEO IS A MASSIVE FAN. FUJIN REALLY DOESN'T GET IT BUT FINDS THE DRESS ADORABLE; SHE SAYS SHE WOULD HIT IT. AS FOR THURSDAY? HE COSPLAYS HER. ALSO PROVES A VERY INTERESTING LISTEN.

The final guest singer is also not well-known, but was spotted at a Karaoke bar doing the most amazing impressions of David Bowie and Cher the BITGOYSWB members have seen. This could be a chance for Kuja to really make it to the big time, and to do just that he will present to you a cover of Crush With Eyeliner by R.E.M.

KUJA HAS A TRUELY AMAZING TALENT FOR COVERING OTHER ARTISTS. THIS R.E.M. COVER WILL BE HIS CHANCE TO PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT HE CAN ACTUALLY SING LIKE A MAN. WE HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WILL TURN OUT.

That is all the options we have so what will it...No, wait, we have a last-minute option being put forward. The BITGOYSWB members have something to say.

AS ALWAYS, WE HAVE ANOTHER GREAT TRACK EVERYONE CAN RELATE TO THAT HAS BEEN ON THE BACKBURNER FOR A WHILE. WE COULD ALWAYS THROW IT ON THE ALBUM AS WELL AS OUR UP COMING EP TO BE TITLED AFTER THE SONG. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR SOME MORE OF THE GREATNESS WITH "WE WILL BURN YOU WITH OUR AWESOME BURNING LIKE THE GATES OF YOGSOTHOTH THAT WE BURN INTO LIKE WE ARE ON FIRE WITH OUR AWESOMENESS WHICH BURNS YOU"?

Alright fans, which will it be? One of the guest artists or more pure BITGOYSWB?

  • Decus fires up the Taco Bell Electric Six and hardcore spleen eating style
  • Seifer may have a knack for screwing everything up, but BITGOYSWB makes him rock
  • Magical Girl Magical Burning Into The Gates of Yogsothoth We Burn make Charlie a very happy boy
  • Kuja brings down the house and scares a lot of drunk men at the after party
  • Rock on BITGOYSWB, forget all those posers, no one can match their experimental progressive cutting edge hardcore spleen eating doom metal


Grefter

"BITGOYSWB ARE ALWAYS PLEASED TO ROCK HARD FOR OUR FANS. OUR NEXT SONG WILL BE THE WWBYWOBLTGOYSTWBILWAOFWOAWBY. CAN YOU FEEL THAT IN YOUR SPLEEN? THAT IS THE FEELING OF AWESOMENESS THAT IS ABOUT TO BLOW YOU AWAY WITH CUTTING HEDGE HARDCORE ACTION THAT WILL BE SO GREAT THAT YOUR SPLEEN WILL EVEN EAT ITSELF. CUE THE WHIPPER SNIPPERS BOYS, WE ARE ABOUT TO PLAY."

*CUE THE DRUM MACHINE AND BASS GUITAR*

*FUJIN GRABS A WHIPPER SNIPPER TO DO HER BACK UP DANCING THING* "SEXY." She declares.

"WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK MAGICAL GIRL GHALEON, SEIFER, DECUS AND KUJA FOR THEIR TIME, BUT NO ONE PLEASES MORE THAN WE DO. STICK AROUND AFTER THE SONG, WE WILL PLAY SOME OF OUR OLDER STUFF LIKE OH CTHULHU, YOU AND I".

And rock they did. Can you feel that? It is your spleen weeping at the thought of you hearing their awesomeness.


Decus: 3
Seifer: 4
Ghaleon: 10
Kuja: 13
BITGOYSWB: 16

Zenthor
Ghaleon + BITGOYSWB = Win.

NPNG
BITGOYSWB is too TR00 and KVLT for anyone to match.

Draco Ignifer
You know how people say that truly great art can only be produced by suffering artists? If that theory is even remotely true, Cheer Up, Charlie will probably go down in history as the most stunning piece of music ever created.