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Dragons and Dating Games
~Scar
 | "Hello to all you lovely ladies out there and welcome to tonight's Valentine's Day inspiried, "The Dragoon Love Connection." I am your host for the night: the always charming, always suave, always bound to sweep any girl off her feet...the delectable Zelos Wilder! Calm down ladies! Sadly I am not the one up as a prize... though, I am sure I can squeeze some time out of tonights game to collect myself a gorgeous babe as my own trophy."
|  | Who is this guy...? He hasn't even announced any of the contestants yet...
|  | Who knows, but... he has pretty hair.
| | .........
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*After a short intervention, while the stage crew waits for Zelos to stop flirting with the ladies in the crowd, Zelos begins the show*
 | Sadly, the show must go on... at least that is what they are telling me... *whispers* (sheesh... my life can be so cruel at times) Yes... yes, I know it is a hard thing to imagine, but some men -- men COMPLETELY unlike me of course -- seem to have a hard time finding that special love.
|  | You mean: I would be forced to look at only one pretty vision...?? Why, that would be an outrage for all the beautiful ladies out in the world. Why wait around for just a single specimen?
| | Right on Brother! But you see, some men can't get even one girl. Well, that is where we come in! Tonight, a man who was caught up in envy and jealousy, and has lost the person he loved the most to his best friend is here with us. This man will be the lucky participant who will have three beauties fighting for his affection. I am sure one of them can take his mind off his troubles and make him smile once again. Ladies and gentlemen! I present to you: Kain Highwind, noble Captain of the Baron Dragoons.
|  | Hi.
| | ...
| | Yes?
| | Dude, you still have your helmet on.
| | Yes, yes. What of it?
| | ......
| | ......?
| | ......er, Kain Highwind everyone!
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*Applause*
| Now then! We have seen the catch, now let us meet the three ladies who get the chance to get with this hunk. Contestant number one is a proud member of the Light Dragon Clan who doesn't like to get stoned......
|  | ...
| | Yeesh... Never mind! She is an attractive, young blue haired bombshell with an electric personality. And, like any great mistress in distress, don't let her timid features fool you! Because her bark has bite...... really long, sharp fiery bite. I present to you all: Sara!!
| | Hello.
| | Mmmmmm... Say, let us just forget about this event and run off together.
| | Excuse me, please remove your hands from my lower back area.
| | hmm?
| | ......
| | Oh... you are talking to me...heh, sorry. I thought I saw a wrinkle....
| | *Clears throat*
| | Anyways...... Next up: Contestant number two is a slave to her own love; she was sent to live on an island in the sky all by herself. Now, don't get me started. If I had my own private island with a sexy damsel, you would not see me for quite some time... lemme tell you...... hehehehehehehe.
| | ...... The sky is a fun place.
| | Mmmmhmmmm......
| | ...... You may continue, sir.
| | Mmmm, ah, yeah... ummm, she, as you may be delighted to hear, is a Dragoon as well. She even shares the same taste as you, dressing in a very similar color scheme, bro.
| | ... The sky is blue.
| | ... uh... Right. Contestant number two, Fenril, is the silent type. Give her some loving guys!
|  | Right, Kain, she seems just like you. You got this... if only you would have taken my advice, you would have women all over you like myself.
|  | What was that? *cracks her whip*
| | ...eh? Nothing babe... Let's see who he picks.
| | Moving on... we have last, but certainly not least, a shy beauty whose dances can calm vast armies and whose stare can pierce the toughest of souls. Like many of us, she hides a powerful secret between her bossoms... Mmmm...
| | Staring too long wouldn't be seen as appropriate.
| | I... just want to......
| | Can you just focus for a little more, my good man? This isn't too hard of a job to accomplish.
| | ah... hah... how right you are! These ladies are for you to choose. Whereas I have an entire ocean of gorgeous females to choose from...... where was I... ah, yes...... the green haired, softspoken dancer: Contestant number three, Ninian!
| | Ok, the stage has been set, the characters have been introduced. After this short commercial break, we will continue with the show and see who wins!
| | *short pause*
| | So....like this is gonna push my rep up some right? I mean, this is my first gig at the DL, I hope it gets me some attention. Imagine...all the babes I can snag after I enter the DL and rise to glory!
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Zenthor
"All right, now this show will be done in the typical Dating Game format. You know the game, so start asking away." Zelos took a step back from the spotlight.
Kain pulled out a handful of notecards from his helmet. He examined them, and found himself unable to read them. Words were written, but none of them made any sense. Quickly stuffing the cards back into his helmet, he decided to wing it. "All right, Bachellorette Number 1..."
"That's Sara. Didn't you pay attention to that pervert just five minutes ago?"
"Er, Sara. I've had a past of being under the influence of magic control and turning on my friends so much to the point where it's rediculous. Have you ever had this experience happen to you?"
"Well, I did try to kill my own brother while under the control of the Dark Dragons..."
"A kindred soul. I like that," Kain turned to the next bachellorette. "Now, Fenril. You look almost exactly like me."
"..." Fenril didn't respond during the pause, though Kain heard a slight buzzing in the background.
"So, my question is, have you ever had a dream about having sex with yourself?"
"What?!" Fenril restrained herself from lunging at Kain that instant.
"Well, If I choose you, you'd have to be comfortable with being with someone that looks almost exactly like you."
"Well, I... guess."
"If you don't mind me saying," Zelos started, "I wouldn't mind seeing you have se--" he was cut off by a sharp glare from both dragoons.
"Moving on... Ninian, you have the body of a prepubscent girl, have a thing for red-headed non dragoons, and have nothing really remarkable about you other than the fact that you're really a dragon. It's really an enigma as to why you came here. So, of course, my question is, if you were ice cream, what kind of utensil would be used to eat you?"
There was a pause, and the buzzing was getting louder. Oddly, nobody really responded to the strange jump in logic.
"I guess you would use a for..." Ninian started, and the audience began giggling. Shortly the giggles were drowned out by the annoying buzzing.
Kain opened his eyes and slammed the off button. He got up and looked out the hotel window. Zelos was in a hottub cuddling up against the three dragonesses from his dream, all sleeping, all in bathing suits. It took a while, but then it dawned on him that his dream was just another manifestation of envy.
He dropped to his knees and screamed. "CEEEEEEECIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL! ZEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOSSS!!!!
Sara: 5
Fenril: 8
Ninian: 1
Bachelor Kain: 17
Zelos gets all: 19
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