Season 13, Week 1
Rude
(Final Fantasy VII)
 
Rude of the Turks finally makes his grand Arena entrance... in Middle. To prove that he is worthy of the same division as fellow Turk Reno, he must crush everyone who dares stand in his way during this season. The first obstacle between him and an upgrade is the infamous Edge Eblan, infamous for his luck, his bad attempts at flirting, and - crucially for Rude - his inability to take a hit from magic. While Rude's durability might not be the most impressive either, Edge's no damage god. A few castings of Grand Spark should secure the Turk a trip to the quarterfinals - slightly closer to his goal.

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Eblan's ninja prince has much to prove, after Cleo sent him packing so easily in his last appearance. Of course, he's learned from that experience. Forsaking his usual katanas for the speed-boosting Cat Claw, Edge has an obvious statistical advantage over Rude. Image completely shuts down Rude's unimpressive offense, and Fumas ignore Rude's defense - directly hitting his weak HP. Besides, if Emerald Weapon can't stop the wrath of Edge Eblan, what would a mere Shinra flunky be able to do besides fall in his wake?


superaielman
Edge sighed, and strapped on his Catclaw. He goes from fighting one of the most fearsome monsters even spawned... to fighting a corporate flunky. Nothing could make this interesting. A sudden knock at his dressing room broke up his jaded thoughts.

Sweeping into the room was Rydia, resplendent with her newly dark green hair. Unlike her usual expression when she was near Edge, Rydia was smiling. "I never got a chance to thank you for the lifetime supply of hair dye.." Reaching over, Rydia grabbed Edge's face and kissed him square on the lips. "And if you manage to win a middle title and get up to heavy, there will be.. more of that."

Rydia quickly left the room after that, while Edge stood, with an utterly stunned look on his face.

-In the ring-


Rude tapped his foot. When was this flaky ninja supposed to appear? He didn't have all day. Then....the lights dimmed, and a smoky haze set in. All you could see was shadows.. endless shadows.

To the crowd, Rude was just an outline. The outline stood unmoving, until the soft sounds of a thrown weapons were heard. Rude jerked, and fell lifelessly to the ground. A few seconds later, the dimness and the smoke cleared. Rude stood in the middle of the ring, punctured and ripped apart by Ninja Stars. The attacker was nowhere to be seen. All that remained was a message written in blood.

"E...B...L...A...N..."

The crowd, and especially the rest of the middle fighters, were completely stunned. It appeared that Edge was playing seriously for once, and god help the person who gets in his way.

Rude: 10
Edge Eblan: 49

Broc
Honestly: Edge vs. Rude? Talk about unfair. Sorry, bald people fans, Edge will win this one hands down.