Season 53, Week 5
Zophar
(Lunar 2: Eternal Blue)
 
Ah, my my my, a battle of god versus god in Godlike. How oddly appropriate, and yet disappointing. Disappointing, because it is quite clear that Zophar is going to win this fight over his, ah, 'emotionally unstable' counterpart. Zophar was not defeated by either Althena or Lucia, both goddesses with impressive powers backing them. Why, then, would Xorn think himself any different? This week, Zophar will show with a barrage of his powerful, all-ending Fate Storms that he is much more than a God on the battlefield -- he is also a Godslayer, mightiest of them all, and this season's champion of Godlike, pulling off a coveted Double Godlike Championship in the process!

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Even though he tried, the great god Xorn didn't manage his swing from deity of emo to deity of sunshine, lollipops and rainbows this season. However, he hit the finals this time, so it's a fine result anyhow. There is no place for love in compassion in Xorn's Duelling League, and there's even less space for a lesser god of generic evil in a can in the dark one's domain! Zophar may have crossdressing and fabulous hair backing his Fate Storm, but that can't stand up to Xorn's ridiculous speed and offense. A Death Knell is just the solution to handle Fate Storm, and once the dust settles, the darkest god here shall prevail, erasing all love and compassion from this universe!


Joou Ranbu
The judges were baffled. While their utter boredom dictated the Godlike finals would not be a standard arena slugfest, Deis, Opera, Tengaar and Alice (who was covering for Margarete due to the latter's sudden outburst of work due to secret covert special ops involving television shows) couldn't find an appealing alternate contest for the two contestants. While Zophar didn't seem to protest against the idea of a bikini contest, the girls had nightmares even beginning to imagine how to put Xorn into a two-piece, let alone a brazilian bikini. A push-ups contest was out of the question given how Xorn didn't even have -hands-. And even an artistic haircut contest proved inviable, given how Zophar's gallant toupee is apparently actually made of styrofoam and aged chantilly, as Millich Oppenheimer found out much to his chagrin.

The only option left was obvious.

Artistic nude painting contests.

(No, we didn't say it was a -good- option. Only that it was obvious.)

While neither side is willing to disclosure the... erm... experimental results, reliable inside sources (who prefer to remain partially unidentified, only giving us the moniker "Raidou Kuzunoha") reported that Jean and Relm have been given permanent mental health insurance for their troubles. Tengaar, Deis, Opera and Alice apparently had a drinking night involving bloody marys, whiskey and margueritas and went missing for three days. Their current status is that they're currently drunk out of their minds, performing as a tango band in Buenos Aires.

The rest of the judge body simply defaulted victory to Zophar after the incident. Their reasoning, according to Magical Emperor Ghaleon: "At least, you could -feasibly- picture him naked."

Zophar: 18
Xorn: 12