Season 46, Week 5
MOMO
(Xenosaga Series)
 
MOMO may be just a reconaissance Realian, but boy, does it feel like she's been working like a combat Realian this season. She worked hard to make it to the finals and here she is, facing...the most vile, lecherous loser in the entirety of the League's roster of heroes. Zidane Tribal has an infamous reputation among the duellers in these halls, and MOMO is ready to give him the lesson he earned long ago! With her superior speed and confusion-inflicting staff, she will keep the dense thief locked into a dazed loop, unable to use his status attacks. And, with his horrible physical, he's getting outlasted by the Realian's healing and thwacks sooner or later! MOMO certainly didn't expect to get this far, but a Middle championship and teaching a loser a lesson certainly will look good on her resume!

V

S

So what's all this about a failure monkey-boy? Biggest joke in the entire DL? Supreme loser of the universe? Wouldn't expect a guy with that rep to be sitting pretty in the Middle finals, now would you? But like it or not, here he is, and Zidane is more then ready to take that title and prove once and for all that he's no failure. The insidious might of Soul Blade is still his trump card, even against an opponent as deceptively powerful as the realian MOMO. The wide range of status attacks he can produce with this one move will surely lead him to victory, be it through shrinking the already diminutive MOMO to the size of a toy poodle or simply spelling her Doom outright and waiting out the countdown. A bit of cleverness and maybe a little patience is all it will take for Zidane to walk away from this the winner.


Jo\'ou Ranbu
Zidane's victory may seem like a big step for his Duelling League fame, but the truth of it is that it's a rather embarassing story.

You see, MOMO's never quite recovered from her battle with Kain. When she tried transforming against Zidane, she once again went berserk as the frightening Man-MOMO, pink goatee and everything. However, she managed to grow even bigger, and, once she transformed, her giant body simply couldn't fit the arena. So, a group of thoroughly embarassed judges gave Zidane a technical victory due to MOMO going out of the arena bounds during battle. The news made her so infuriated that she simply stepped on the thief repeatedly until he was nothing more than a genome pancake, plastered in bloody remains onto the floor.

Zidane had a championship, but sheer luck (or maybe the lack of it) kept him from enjoying his spoils. Meanwhile, Garnet is making sure to spend all her boyfriend's winnings on that new gala dress for summoners.

MOMO: 22
Zidane Tribal: 30

SageAcrin
Zidane's throat was slit before even entering the arena.

There are...many reasons this could have happened.

But in this case, it was a simple case of intelligent logic.

MOMO was a girl.

Zidane has woeful taste and is a pervert.

No one wanted to take the risk of letting these events proceed to any possible conclusions. None of them could end well. At all.

Unfortunately, MOMO was kidnapped for her own safety before the match, by other, equally well-meaning people.

So screw it, let's have a beach volleyball party!

---

"Now, repeat after me. Any idea that I got from Zelos is getting me a mouthful of sand." Hrist Valkyrie said calmly, standing firmly on Sten's back.

"Mrfg iga I gah fum zerwush ih gen m' eh muffl ub sn." Sten repeated.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't clear enough. Try again." Hrist said, prodding Sten with her lance. "And if you get turned on by this, you're going to lose the parts involved with getting turned on."

Ultimately, the beach volleyball was a flop. However, lacking any better ideas-Sten hadn't had a clue on how he was going to judge the volleyball match in order to get any real results for the match out, he just wanted women in bikinis-the judges decided to give the match to the person that would have appreciated it more.

After all, Zidane was going to suffer enough hearing he'd missed it.

MOMO still disagrees that being kidnapped by Albedo counts as "for her protection" though.