Season 38, Week 5
Miranda
(Grandia 3)
 
MILFtastic! Proving that even mothers can save the day, Miranda has struck a path through Light that Martha Stewart herself would be proud of! With her daggers sharpened and her magic prepped and ready for one last tango, Miranda is more than ready to grab that championship by the horns and make it her own! The laughably frail and bumbling Viki has been extremely lucky this season with her slow, ineffectual opponents, but her luck runs out now as she faces true talent in Miranda's knives! Miranda's speed and resilience against magic will prevent Viki's rune from accomplishing anything useful - not like it would, anyway. Even if Viki's Blinking Rune doesn't backfire and send her to the far side of the galaxy as it so often does to the foolish mage, Miranda's fierce Dagger Dash is more than enough to slice up the frail girl in an instant, preventing her from ever getting a spell off against Miranda. With everything in her favour, there's no doubt about it that Miranda will emerge victorious in this bout, walking away with a championship added to her motherly belt.

V

S

Viki has been through time, space, a half dozen games and now she’s finally arrived in a place that would makes most other RPG characters green with envy: the RPGDL finals. Sure, it’s been a rough run that’s tried Viki’s patience, skill and, above all, her luck, but she’s prepared now. Sure, Miranda is deadly with her daggers, but the fact is that, no matter how powerful she is, she’s not going to be able to do anything against Viki’s ability to bend space and time itself to her will. All the swift slicing and deadly dashing in the world won’t help Miranda when she’s ported far away, back home or into a wall of blazing Viki fanboys. Even if the motherly Miranda manages to avoid being blasted across the country (or universe, or time itself) by the devastating Ready! spell, then Viki would be more than happy to bury her with the deadly Set! spell, piling enough mess on top of Miranda that it would take her ages to clean up… if she were conscious after the attack, that is. Really, there’s no way in this world (or any other world, since we are talking about Viki) that Miranda can come out on top.


superaielman
Zidane's perverted ways haven't amounted to much of late. His total beatings this season was even in the single digit range. People were beginning to quietly whisper that he had learned his lessons, and that he would mature into the noble hero that he was supposed to be. Perhaps he would shed the label of 'thief' and become a sober, respected member of the DL.


The people who knew him best just rolled their eyes and began tripling the guards on all matches that involved women or even bishy looking men.

=====

"It's brilliant, I say! For weeks, I've bided my time to find the ultimate reward for my goodness, and now I've found it. After researching every universe with my normal dilligence, I've found the perfect paradise. The land of lesbians! All I need to do there is throw this magical powder in Viki's nose and BOOM! She should sneeze me to this mythical land. Goodbye constant mockery, hello eternal happiness! So what do you think, Sten...? Looks like he ran off. Ah well. This will work perfectly!"


=====


Zidane grinned. It had been too easy to plan some black pepper in the venelation system. A fine mist of black powder was coating the arena, as Viki and Miranda stared down.

=====

Viki's nose twitched. Miranda shrugged it off and ran in, looking to place a knife between Viki's ribs and end this fight fast.

=====



Zidane removed the maintence vent and dropped into the center of the ring, aiming to land right in front of Suikoden's teleportation master. He saw Miranda charging towards Viki with as much speed as she could muster. This was gonna work great.

=====

Alsono barely had time to react. He saw someone dropping from the ceiling of the arena. It looked like they were going to land on Miranda. From that height.. it'd be a crippling blow at best, leaving Miranda a shell of herself and thus unable to cook or clean. No way was he going to let that happen. With quickness gained from years of careful training on the high seas, Alonso threw his spear at Zidane with all his might, hitting Zidane squarely in his midsection. The force of the blow actually knocked Zidane into Viki and sent the the two careening off the arena floor, landing outside the arena.


Alonso grinned. Surely that did the trick.

=====

Miranda stood in shock as all hell broke loose. First the black powder, then someone falling from the ceiling just as she pressed her attack, to Alonso's daring attempt to save her, to said person hitting Viki and knocking her flying..

..Hitting Viki...


Miranda grunted a curse. And then another. The full force of what Alonso did hit her dead on. The judges were definitely going to DQ her for that. She quickly turned, not even waiting to see the judges award the fight to Viki. Curling her fist up into a ball, she walked over to where her boyfriend stood and punched him in the nose. Hard.

"That's for costing the the fight, you dolt! I hope you like sleeping the basement for the next month!"
=====

Zidane moaned in agony. The spear had critically wounded him. He wouldn't live long without medical attention. He then noticed he was tangled up in Viki. Who looked ready to sneeze.

"Ah..."

"..Oh boy.."

"Choo!"


=====

Viki blinked. What happened to that strange boy who had ran into her? Why were the judges rushing over to award her the match? Light champion? That sounds great! Except she felt like sneezing...

"Ah..."

"...Choo!"

=====

Zidane felt himself shift somewhere else. The universe's magical energies realigned themselves with a shudder. He felt.. the sun. The wind. And curious faces around him, all female.

He then remembered the massive blood loss he had taken from Alonso's attack,and promptly passed out.

=====

He was in a room on the beach. Zidane felt like he had been sleeping for weeks. Yet strangely he didn't feel any better... with an effort, he lifted the blanket off his chest. Alonso's wound was still there. Worse, it looked like it had been untreated. Red lines were shooting out from the crude bandage. Didn't people here know about cure magic?


A gentle hand on his face quickly got his attention. Five or six women stood in the crude hut where zidane was at. All of them were utterly gorgeous, and looked at him with an expression of want and worship.

"Welcome. This is the lost world of Loran. You're the first man we've seen in over fifty thousand years."

.."Huh..? How long was I out? Where am I?"

" You were out nearly two weeks. As for here...long ago, this world was filled with men and women both. But an experiment done by one of the world's leading magicians in the field of teleportation magic went horribly awry. The entire world was put into statis, and everyone was suddenly granted eternal youth. Everyone female. Every single male died within weeks from the experiment, leaving us.. so alone."

Zidane blinked. His plan worked?

"But..you're not suffering from the effects of the explosion due to being an outsider. Your hair hasn't stopped growing at all. "

"Why am I still wounded then?"

"After the explosion, we forbade anyone from using magic. It's been so long that we've all forgotten the use of it. Even the most simple cure spell is beyond us. If you can pull through this wound, you're welcome to live out your life here."

"..If..."

Zidane suddenly felt woozy. His stomach was on fire, and he felt cold all over. A nap sounded good right about now.

=====


Zidane stirred from his dreamless sleep.

"....He's getting worse. That wound's going to kill him if we don't get medical treatment right away..."


"..Been so long since we've had a man.."

"..He's hurt.."

Even lifting his eyebrows was too much effort. Zidane went to dozed off again. Voices once again filled the emptiness.


"He's not breathing!"

=====

Zidane awoke. He felt.. energetic. Refreshed. Surprisingly, he awoke on his feet in front of an alter.

"Well, it's time you came back."

A stern faced man wearing a steep hat stood in front of him. It didn't take Zidane long to see the seal of the royal Santeem family on his sword. Cristo. An older man stood behind him with white hair and a bemused look on his face. Had to be Brey.

"Garnet hired me two weeks ago to cast a scrying spell, and failing that, hired Cristo to cast a revival spell to bring you back. You must have been teleported off into some odd pocket dimension or world with screwed up teleporting, because scrying got nothing."

"So.. wait. I.. died?"

"Yes. The revival spell brought you back. It's a good thing Alonso wounded you, or you wouldn't have come back till you died of old age. Princess Garnet was so worried that she's not even mad about whatever you were trying to do there."


.."Excuse me. I have something I need to do." Zidane spun around on his heel, and went towards the Godlike arena.

=====

"Huh, you're back. Why are you sniffing around here, looking to get killed again?" Yuri shook his head and walked away before Zidane began telling the story of what happened to him during those two weeks.

"..."

"Yeah, I'll get a hold of Edge and have him grab the boys. Be in the secondary Godlike arena in an hour."

=====


"..And so, Alonso cost me the chance to live out my life in the land of immortal lesbians." Zidane's speech hadn't been long. Not even Garnet actually being nice to him and forgiving him for once kept his attention off his goal.

"I know some of us have had our differences. I know some of you hate me."

"But even if you hate me enough to not want me to stay in a heaven like that, remember that I would have been gone from 70 to 90 years if Alonso hadn't wounded me."

=====

The crowd erupted in rage. It was a motley bunch. Every single male who was ranked in the Arena was there who wasn't fighting this week. All were angry- from the ones who tolerated Zidane enough to wish he could have stayed there, to the ones who hated him enough to wish he had vanished for that long. Longtime enemies stood as one, together in a united purpose.

Justin and Rune stood together, weapons in hand. They were ready for revenge. Edge and Orlandu, putting aside their differences once again for the sake of avenging this most horrible crime. Fou-Lu and Kefka, not fighting but instead preparing to go into combat.

Even Ghaleon stood with Zidane. The much maligned Magical Emperor. The person who perhaps hated Zidane the most of anyone in the arena, stood with his longtime rival the TimeLord. The two weren't attacking or sniping at each other, but putting their heads together and preparing a proper strategy.

With tears in his eyes, Yuri Hyuga stood at the forefront of the ground. "Boys, we have one of the worst crimes committed in DL history here. Worse than that, due to Alonso's mistakes, we missed a chance to be zidane free for a long, long time. For once, let's put aside our grudges and teach him a lesson he won't ever forget!"

The crowd roared in approval. Yuki quickly snaked up to the front along with Yuri and pointed towards the south. "He's thataway. Let's go get him!"


=====

Sniffing in disgust, Alonso scrubbed at the floor of his ship some more. So what if Miranda had taken off and refused to speak to him after the fight. He had done the right thing, with the same wisdom he had shown in his journey with Yuki. Frowning, Alonso felt the ship.. tremble. Looking out at the calm waters of the port his boat was moored at soothed his nerves. Maybe Miranda was stamping back to make a good show. Surely she had forgiven him now-

The trembling grew stronger. There were also a lot of voices mixed in, and all sounded angry. Alonso looked back to the entry to the bay and saw.. trouble.


Several hundred men were running at him as fast as possible. At the forefront was.. Zidane? Huh? New to the arena, Alonso didn't know many faces. The ones he did see were trouble. Luca Blight, sword in hand and screaming about murder. Claude Kenni, looking as fierce as he ever did in his battles with the Wisemen. Speaking of wisemen, Zentegia's Rashidi and Indalecio stood right beside Claude, both weaving deadly spells. Ryus. Cids. All of them looked extremely angry.


All of them were thankfully still at the other end of the harbor. Alonso wasted no time in cutting his lines and speeding out of port. It may not be a great chance, but it was better than nothing...

Alonso quickly put everything he had into steering the ship, thankful he had purchased a new Windaga brand engine for his ship with Miranda's winnings that she didn't collect in her anger. He'd be fine if he could get to the open seas. No one could catch him there..

When time froze.

=====

Alonso blinked. Something... odd had happened there. Time had paused for a second around his ship...

He noticed the roar. Huh? Alonso turned his attentions back at the pier.


It was completely packed. How did that angry mob get there so fast?! It was only a second! When a man with black and white hair gracefully jumped onto the ship, looking winded, Alonso knew. Not that it was going to help, as the crowd was right behind him and making their way to the ship.

Picking up his mop, Alonso swung at the first person to reach him. The first blow sent the TimeLord flying. The second strike knocked Lowe off the side of the ship. No time. Claude then met his charge and sliced his mop in half with one swing of the Eternal Sphere. Bonds of magical energy suddenly pinned him to place as Edge looked on.


Then the blows started landing. They were not gentle.

..."Why me?"

The mob had no response.


=====

Miranda had finally forgiven Alonso. Sure, she had cost him the light title, but he meant well. She was going to surprise him on the boat and make up with him. The normally empty pier was surprisingly packed with people. Why were they all here?

Yuki then tapped Miranda on the shoulders and gave her a hug. "Hey, mom! Looking for Alonso? He went off to test his new motor for his ship. He came into some money, so he bought a brand new engine for his ship. He said he'd be gone for the next week!"


"..The nerve of that jerk! And here I was, going to forgive him and he runs off! Mmph!"

"Aww, don't worry about it. He'll be back.. probably."

"..Probably?"

"Nothing! Want to go get some ice cream?"

"That sounds great, honey."

Miranda: 26
Viki: 28

Lezard Valeth
Viki immediately teleported Miranda of all places on top herself. Before she realizes anything (not that she ever pay any attention), Miranda just punch her out.

After the match Miranda was seen training Yuki for his upcoming Match.

"Faster Yuki, even a horse can pull this cart faster than you."

"That's because a horse is designed for this kind of job mom."

And the cart which Miranda is sitting on moved another centimeter....