Season 37, Week 5
Palom
(Final Fantasy IV)
 
Poor Palom. Going from a ninja as cool as Edge to someone like Frank? The system shock alone is probably going to make him retch in disgust. The damage from said retching is the only hit he's going to take in this fight, as Frank sure isn't doing much. Going after the most accurate status attacker in the league is asking to be a statue or a little cute froggy. What makes it worse for the Brazilian reject is that his horrible Power stat doesn't even afford him the protection Cleo Magic stat did. Looks like Palom's final win before his overdue upgrade will just be target practice!

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HEY EVERYBODY! It's time for the amazing FRANK GOLDFINGER to strike a final blow for Brazilian Ninjas and the American Way all over the world! However, no matter what, he will not give up here! No sirree! Palom may have some Fiercesome Magicâ„¢ to worry about, but he's got nothing that good ol' Frank can't stop! All he has to do is hit the little mage fast with a barrage of Ninja Star attacks and Fast Snowballs, and watch him start crying like the little boy he is! This may seem like a challenge for Frank, but in reality it is not! Brazilian Ninjutsu will see him through to the very end!


SageAcrin
Old FRANK never could fight this battle in the traditional, Brazilian NINJA fashion!

A volley of stars, a bash to the head, never!

His opponent was a small child! How could FRANK ever do something so horrific as to hurt a little boy!?

There was only one way to truly win this battle!

To teach Palom the truth of his way!

The way of the Ninja!

Surely, Palom, with Frank's mighty training, could easily destroy all his foes in the name of JUSTICE!

He would be the greatest Ninja the world had ever seen, with FRANK'S help!

---

"...Palom, you went along with it?" Porom said, stunned, staring at Palom, now donning a ninja outfit.

"Well, he did throw the match for me. For some reason." Palom shrugged. "It's not like the idiot would have beaten me anyways, but I really didn't feel like torching his sorry butt anyhow." He added, staying far enough from Porom to avoid a rod-smack for his insulting speech.

"...This really isn't like you. You'd normally just burn the i-er, the person you don't like." Porom said happily. "Have you finally started listening to me?"

"...Eh. Uh, yeah, that's it, sis!" Palom said, highly insincerely.

---

Porom took a few hours of thinking on Palom's words before she found the flaw in her reasoning.

She found the drowned Frank an hour later.

Palom: 37
Frank Goldfinger: 24