Season 36, Week 5
Profound Darkness
(Phantasy Star 4)
 
Pure, unbridled hatred is what The Profound Darkness does best, and the bug-man Jade is about to get a taste of a woman's wrath in the worst possible way. With a second championship for Darkness on the line, this evil (and completely naked) woman won't let some vile, conniving man stop her now! Boasting excellent resilience to physical attacks, as well as the ability to take extreme amounts of punishment, Jade's an admittedly tough nut to crack. However, The Profound Darkness is no slouch herself, tough enough to take a pounding from five warriors at once and keep going. And while Jade's infamous BoltX may scare some fighters, the Profound Darkness has the far more legendary Megid on her side, the power of true anger rising to obliterate good and evil alike. This will be a battle for the ages, but lightning won't phase the ultimate evil of the universe (she lives in the vacuum of space, after all), and Jade's not winning this battle based on his ugliness either. The Queen Bitch of the Universe continues to reign supreme!

V

S

BoltX. You wouldn't think one spell could carry an ugly bug like Jade that far, even if he is a servant of Myria. BoltX BoltX. Long after any sane person would have given up or died, Jade will fight on with his trademark attack. BoltX BoltX BoltX. What can stop him? Certainly not a poser like the Profound Darkness, who doesn't even resist BoltX. Mmm, BoltX BoltX. Anyway, Jade's going to fight the stereotype that one move wonders can't win Godlike titles by smashing the Profound Darkness into tiny little BoltX'd pieces. If his master Myria can do the job easily, surely a master of BoltX can BoltX his way past such an ugly loser. With durability that rivals that of the finest thunderstorm, Jade can withstand even the powerful Megid attack without flinching or even feeling a drop of pain. It just fuels his BoltX powers, making him stronger.. and stronger.. and stronger. Mock BoltX, will you? You won't be laughing after an extra large dose of pain! The energizer bunny has nothing on Jade, and neither will anyone else this season. BWHAHAHAA! (BOLTX)


Smashy
'MEGID!'
'BOLTX!'

Repeat over and over again.

Until someone thought it would be cute in some Pokémon to try to Disable them. Said Pokémon promptly got brutally splattered. Megid's MTness and Jade's refusal to have his precious BoltX taken from him tend to have that result. So instead we get to watch the same move be repeated for about a half hour until Jade's frue mastery of BoltX defeats PD's mere usage of Megid.

Profound Darkness: 25
Jade: 44

T.G. Nevareh`
This would be a fair fight if The Profound Darkness were fighting Myria. Jade just doesn't have The Profound Darkness' super-awesome.

The fight would be: Jade hits The Profound Darkness with Bolt X!

The Profound Darkness hits Jade with Megid, Lightshower, or just Physical of Pain.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

And Jade, being a boss, can't out-durable The Profoud Darkness, a final boss.

miasmacloud
...Is the BoltX joke old yet?