Season 36, Week 2
Garan
(Shadow Hearts: Covenant )
 
Ho ho ho ho! What a foolish person to challenge the mighty seer Garan! Not only will the fool who faces him need to fend off mighty spells and magic immunity, but he will Mind Assault them and reduce their MP to nothing! Not even the Dragon Lord Teepo can manage to get around such incredible tricks. Teepo may have Triple Blow, but Garan needs not fear such paltry attacks; with enough spells, Teepo will fall! With no MP, not even Teepo will be able to muster any of his attacks. Let's not forget that his trademark move, Howling, will prove useless against Garan's magical immunity! Once Teepo is reduced to twiddling thumbs, Garan will simply hammer the dragon boy with Hail Crushes until he is nothing more than a weeping baby once again. DO NOT DEFY THE MIGHT OF BABY HEAD!!

V

S

After a devastating loss to Raquel Applegate in the Season 29 semi-finals, Teepo is hungry for another shot at a Heavy championship. Emphasis on hunger too, for this dragon boy towers over his competition in this first round, like a confident lion maliciously looms over his hapless prey. Garan is a tiny, demonic, floating pillow man that is immune to magical damage. That's just fine to Teepo, as his brutal Triple Blow will be more than enough to rip Garan's miniscule limbs apart. Garan's magic can pack a bit of a punch, but Teepo boasts overall durability indeed suitable only to a mighty dragon. While we're sure that Garan will not even suffice as an appetizer on Teepo's road to Heavy greatness, we can all rest assured that it will at least be one hell of a slaughter for the Duelling League's masses to enjoy.


Namagomi
"I SHALL STRIP THE FLESH FROM YOUR BO--"

...were the last words heard from Garan as the six-second match began and ended, with Garan having been snatched off of his pillow, chewed up, and swallowed by Teepo's dragon form, only for him to add insult to victory by floating out of the Arena on that very pillow...

Clearly, this match ran in the history of such wonderfully short and anticlimactic matches, such as Zog vs. Geshp, or Lede's and Alys' respective Heavy and Middle runs. The entire collection of which have been compiled into a two-minute video that has been put into circulation around the internet.

...oh, as for Teepo? He was reportedly found dry-heaving over the toilet for six hours the next day. The doctors at the DL Infirmary say that he should be able to graduate off of intraveneous feeding in a few weeks...

At least he still has that very cool floating pillow...

Garan: 10
Teepo: 60