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Edge Eblan (Final Fantasy IV) |
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The dashing young prince of Eblan has seen it all when it comes to the DL's array of derangement. However, a hyperactive schoolgirl, a violent tomboy and the King of the Koopas were just a warm-up for the criminally nice and kind pseudo-schizophreniac Elena. Of course, no amount of mental trauma could let the be-bonneted nun keep up with the ingeniously deranged mind of Edge, giving him a crucial advantage in their match this week. Today, Edge shall exploit the supreme obliviousness and naivete of his opponent instead of dodging girl power assertiveness explosions, spooning the earstwhile mage, making her see as many stars as necessary before she can mount any sort of defensive posture. A hairy problem, most definitely. Alas, such is the fate of he who must battle a schizophrenic nun. |
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A lady, a songstress, a damsel in distress. In spite of rightfully earning all these unflattering labels, Elena is nothing to be scoffed at in the arena! She’s already crushed lecherous idiot Kyle, and now she’s being served another one? Well, at least, unlike that Water Runer, Edge is a multitalented hornball. He throws Fumas at his opponents with blinding speed, he has Image to dodge his opponent’s attacks, and he has twin blades to smite people. However, what’s the one thing that Edge doesn’t do? Tank magic. In fact, Edge cries to magic like a little girl. What does Elena specialize in? Not to mention that Edge's neat status claws are ineffective against the status-immune Elena, so she has all the time in the world to buff herself into smiting position. Yeah, that’ll be about the end of the ninja’s run in Middle. |
superaielman Sitting in his room, Edge felt on top of the world. An army of rampaging women that obeyed his every whim. From Yuna to Aeris, almost every single woman bowed to the Ninja Prince's commmand. The pain hadn't ended with just Sharon, oh no. Zidane and Gala had been torn apart countless times. Nothing could stop him. Nothing. So it took Edge by surprise when a most amused looking Orlandu barged into his room. Edge quickly leaped up to his feet to prepare a hasty retreat.. only to run into a solid wall of antimagic. Knight and Jin flanked Orlandu, and worse, Beecham stood behind them both, grinning and raising his hand to show a glowing Water Rune. Edge easily leaped to his feet and stared. The odds were definitely not in his favor. "What's the meaning of this, old perv? Not happy that I- " The world exploded. The holy energies of Lightning Stab knocked Edge off his feet, and into the wall. Edge barely had the strength to keep his eyes opened. Self defense wasn't even a thought. Knight and Jin easily dragged him out of his room. Orlandu got to the point rather quickly. "I decided to investigate your latest stunt. Lying about Zidane, no one would care about. Setting up poor Gala? How sick and wrong. Typical of you, embarassing someone just to have women worship you. I'm going to drag you in front of every single female in the DL and expose you for the pervert you are." --- Edge was thrown into the ring. He was still hurting from Orlandu's attack, but able to at least take a gander at the situation he was in. Edge cursed mightily when he looked around. The arena was filled with women and nothing but, from the rafters to the cheap seats. Even worse, his foe was Elena. He'd be hard pressed to deal with her in the best of situations. This was far from a good situation. From all he could tell, Elena would beat him into a pulp, then Orlandu would beat him even further and then somehow ruin his fun. He was going down in flames no matter what he could do. It was hopeless. It was going to end in blodshed. It was the perfect time for Edge to strike. Stumbling towards Elena, he touched a ring he had hidden in his poach for dire emergencies. TL had damned well better be around. Edge felt time.. shift for a second. TL stood next to him all of a sudden. "This had better be good. I was watching Yuri pummel Ghaleon into a fine paste. Make it brief, as I've had Royce and Xenobia trailing me all day. OverDrive's energies are limited and the last thing I want to do is be caught by those two." Edge looked around. OverDrive. He very quickly explained the situation to TL. "Plant these photos on Orlandu. Why do I have them? They're pictures of DL women in states of undress, I don't ever not have them. Got the recording of the orginial Sailor Gala stunt? Air the clip, starting from when I walked by them. Drag me over towards Elena and stragically place my hands on her body. Get Rydia out of here. I don't care whe-no, stick her in Cecil's rooms. They won't look there and he'll guard her. Get out of here. Don't bother to heal me, I'm about to be torn apart by a mob of angry women. Thanks for the help and I'll be in intensive care if you need me." Edge felt time freeze again. The next second, his hands were placed square.y on Elena's chest. Orlandu had a small book of photos sticking out of his waistband. Even better, a mostly naked Piastol lay at his feet, in a most suggestive position. Mentally thanking TL for the extra effort, Edge placed one hand over Elena's mouth and spoke. "Let me finish speaking and then you can pummel me all you want, okay?" Without wating, Edge quickly spoke up so everyone in the audience could hear him. "Hey! Look up there! The old perv accused me of setting up the Sailor Gala stunt. I just so happened to have the event recorded. I had nothing to do with that horror!" The TimeRecord spell showed Gala and Zidane frolicking along in sailor outfits. Vomiting and screams of horror met the video. "That old perv even has Piastol at his feet, ready and willing to do whatever! Even worse, he.. he... broke me. He beat me up and forced me to renounce not being a pervert. He even has pictures of various DL women in states of undress, including the legendary Yuna/Cecilia scene from season XXX!" The book of photos, as if by magic, fell out of Orlandu's waistband and landed open on the floor. It showed an especially lurid season XXX moment. Edge was -so- going to have to buy TL a beer for this once he regained the ability to walk. Edge swallowed and prepared for pain. "And...and..." Edge didn't need to say any more. The extremely pissed off crowd was heading towards Orlandu and his flunkies at an extremely fast pace. It was about to suck to be a Thundergod. Orlandu's protests did no good, as the crowd closed in on him. Edge glanced over to an extremely pissed off Elena. "Ah.. yes." Removing his hands and limping backward, Edge grabbed a piece of cloth from his pouch and tied it around his eyes. Gulping, he put on his best face and even smiled ever so slightly. "Whenever you're ready, Elena. Let me be the first to congraulate you on your middle tit-" Edge Eblan: 34 |
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