Season 33, Week 4
Zed
(Wild Arms)
 
What!? The mightiest of non-Quarter Knight(and stronger than most of them, really) metal demons’ one-liners are failing to impress this girl? Well, so much for having a sense of humor. Zed will just have to impress her the old fashioned way, by dropping her in wet concrete! Get it, “impress”? Hahaha! Yes, Zed’s humor is strong as ever, and he will prevail against even those who don’t like his jokes and catchphrases! A humorous quip with every swift dodge! A cutting remark with every uncanny slash! And finally, an overly dramatic-anime style-nonsensical shouting out of the attack name with the finishing strike! Best to go with a classic there, “A scarf blowing in the wind, True Power! Heaven’s Wraaaaath!!!!” Or, well, he could always just drop her with Dancing Heaven's instant death as soon as the match starts, but what's the fun in that?

V

S

True power, scarves blowing in the wind, sunny breakfasts - a trained and combat-ready Esper ain't going to be impressed by simple one-liners that eerily remind one of awkward pickup lines from drunken hillbillies. While Kyra may be a bit reckless, her boldness can handle any pretentious Quarter Knight. And Zed plays right into her strengths: being vulnerable to stat-busting cantrips and unable to pierce through physical walls, the flamboyant Zed will find himself hard-pressed to even dent through Kyra's defenses after Warla and Telele are set up. And, if that wasn't enough, her healing will make any possible bruises disappear practically immediately, leaving Zed far behind in the dust. Two of Kyra's comrades have already managed a Heavy championship, and the caring Esper of Dezolis is going to prove she can fetch a third for the Protectors crew!


Dhyerwolf
Kyra was so super worried coming into this match. She heard that Zed has a super secret form that was a robot, and she was just a poor helpless damsel. While she’d seen many robotics in her life, she didn’t know how to match this super secret power. After bugging Rune for ages and ages, and hiding his hair dye (What? He's aging. You don't think that hair that brightly blue keeps its sheen forever, do you?), he finally agreed to come up with a solution. Why certainly if Zed could have a super secret robot form, why couldn’t others? Certainly there was someone somewhere who knew of the art of grafting a robot form onto one’s self…

On the day of the match, Zed showed up ready to battle, but Kyra was nowhere to be seen. “Aha, when one’s opponent does not show,” Zed mused “they must realize they can not win and are already planning a gracious party for the victor!” He was about to leave the arena in search of such gracious party, when he heard a deep thundering coming towards him. He glanced and saw a massive robotic Kyra slowly making its way towards the arena.

“You’re sure this will work, rodent?” Rune asked with a bit of skepticism.

“Of course! Things went ever so perfectly for me!” Hammer said with a straight face. “Now, she might not have my mad skillz, but Kyra should still be able to defeat Zed with this marvelous contraption!”

The match seemed to go the obvious way at first. A giant robo-Kyra chased the regular Zed across the ring. Luckily, Zed is used to be pelted with hooks, changing magics, and grenades, which is the only reason that Kyra wasn’t able to kill him quickly. Just as she was about to move in for the kill, a spark starting coming out of Kyra’s now robotic leg. She was almost able to shake it off when another came out of her arm.

“Whaaaat’s happeninggggggggggg?!” Kyra whined as her machine started to rumble ominously. Suddenly, there was a loud explosion and Kyra found herself flying out of the arena. “Looks like I’m blasting off again!”

“You retarded Rat! How did this happen!” Rune screamed. Hammer was too busy gnawing on his tail to notice right away, but after several beatings from Rune, he finally looked up.

“Oh right, I guess my gear exploded too! Who would have thought it happened twice? Oh, did I mention that my specialty is backstabbing? Do you have any cheese?” Rune cursed his stupidity at not looking into the machines of Xenosaga instead.

Afterward, Kyra felt so bad at trying to cheat her way to a win that she threw Zed the most gracious party that the DL has ever seen. Rune was…not so gracious.

Zed: 40
Kyra Tierny: 27