Season 33, Week 2
Saleh
(Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones)
 
Saleh kicks dogs. He tries soooooooo hard to be cool like that, yanno? He sucks at it quite badly, but he tries - not like he even needs to try to punt this hound's hide from here to hell and back. Kogoro might make him miss a turn or two if he is extremely lucky, but at the end of the day the results are predetermined in this match of complete and epic pointlessness - the dog will be kicked. He may get some avenging done, make a better showing than his friend dog, but he will be kicked first. Oh, and the burning or lightning or whatever stuff Saleh uses these days will help as well. Point is, the Italian boots. Puny dogs are nothing before the might of legendary dog kicking wizards.

V

S

A-E-I-O-U is the howl of true power. The mysterious blue dog Kogoro holds power unknown to men, knowledge that sages hunger of, beauty unfathomable even by the fairest sylphid. With his mighty bites, he mysteriously freezes his opponent into slumber that means certain death. And, of course, his color bewilders crowds. All these will certainly intrigue and terrorize the mage Saleh, who, even with his mighty magicks, cannot hope to ever outslug such a divine entity. Kogoro's freezing jaws will send Saleh to his maker as soon as the match starts, and make up for the embarassing showing of his comrade Koichi. After all, even disguised gods have to clean up, right?


SageAcrin
"I am going to kill Nate. With a icepick. Slowly." Chisato Madison said, fuming , as she sat down in the arena stands.

"What? Just because he made us cover this?" Odin shrugged. "That's not that weird, it's a slow news day."

"This is literally "Dog bites Man", though." Morte shook his head. "It's not a surprise she's annoyed."

"So...angry...stupid...job..." Chisato muttered, as she watched Saleh attempt to half-heartedly cast Elfire on the cute dog.

"I don't get it. She doesn't have to even work, just watch the fight, and she's still angry?" Ultros lounged, his tentacles taking up multiple seats, as the camera whirred on a tripod.

"...hate...cute...worthless...dog..." Chisato mumbled.

"She doesn't like watching Punys fight." Morte said. "Oh." Odin nodded.

"...gah!" Chisato, with an angry burst of energy, proceeded to heave Odin over her head, and throw him bodily at Kogoro. "There. Job done. I'm out of here." Chisato added, heaving a sigh of relief, as she walked rapidly out of the arena.

"...Should we tell her Kogoro just chased Odin out of the arena?" Gilgamesh asked, curiously. "Nah." Morte clacked his teeth together. "Should we cover for her?" "Nah. Nate won't care, he does this to her just so she'll make news." Morte nodded, as he watched Saleh attempt again to burn Kogoro, this time producing a series of unhappy whines.

"Well, there's only one thing left to do." Ultros said. "Throw another NPC at Kogoro?" Morte asked. "Boo until our throats are sore and hope Saleh gets distracted?" Gilgamesh queried. "Nah, run up a huge tab on the company dime." "Ah, yeah." "Party time!"

And that's the story of how the Behind the Scenes crew-what remained of it-proceeded to get happily wasted as their camera filmed Saleh slowly burning a dog to death.

Well, hell, it beats politics.

Saleh: 44
Kogoro: 21