Season 33, Week 2
Chris Lightfellow
(Suikoden III)
 
Of all the trials and lopsided matches she has fought in the Duelling League, the most challenging match Zexen's leading warrior has faced is this match against the demonic prophet Malik. Never before has an opponent been so easily able to avoid her swift swordstrokes, or been so capable of obscuring her wits. But it's far from a hopeless battle! Not even the prophet's bizarre molecular motion is fast enough to avoid the flurry of blows produced by the Phoenix Rune, and like so many other magical foes, Silent Lake will shut down her enemy for long enough that Chris can land the fatal blow!

V

S

Simplicity itself, that is all this match will be. Malik is completely immune to Chris' skills and offense. The only thing he needs to do is silence her, confuse her, laugh repeatedly (because all the cool villains are doing it, and it's a prerequisite as a Godlike villain, obviously) and then Eliminate Scanner over and over and over and over and over until Chris goes down. An amusing (and quite villainous!) entry to this new division. Hahahahaha. Or should it be Mushushushushushushushu? No, that sounds like a whale. Kekekekekeke? Oh well, Zerg Rush = instant win, so that will do. Kekekekekekeke!


Cmdr_King
Percival sighed, and started again from the top. "My lady, why exactly are you bothering with this farce? There's no honor in fighting a battle you can't win, especially against someone as likely to try and use your unconcious body in some demonic sacrifice as breathe."
Chris annoyedly placed her sword back in it sheath. "I still can't sort out how you got in here."
Percival ran a hand through his hair unconcernedly. "Oh, a magician never reveals the trick. But still, you work yourself far too hard. If it's not visits of state or inspections or even the occasional border skirmish, you're here fighting dark gods and who knows what all. When was the last time you really took even a day for yourself?"
"Well... I suppose it has been quite a while." She brightened considerably. "I've really wanted to try fencing some people here, but you never get a chance with these Godlike matches."
Percy fought off a roll of his eyes. It was something. "Exactly. So let me worry about Malik, you just go have fun."
---
Borus massaged his eyes. "So tell me again how we're supposed to do any better again this freak than Lady Chris?"
"Simple. If he can't be hit because he's moving too fast, we'll just give him something he'll want to hold still for."
"And this Breakfast guy can give us something."
"Bacon. And yes. One of the few that can."
---
"No, never. Never again shall any be permitted to gaze upon the forbidden secrets of the Emigre document!"
Borus spoke up before Percival could stop him. "But didn't some grieving father-"
"That was an accident! I'm much better at protecting it now! Hi-ya! Just like that."
Percival pressed on. "We don't need the book. Just something that will fool someone for four or five minutes. And we'll pay."
"Ha! What could you possibly have for me."
Percival pulled the somewhat battered magazine from the sack with a flourish. "How about the IS 459 annual of Sheena's Stash?"
Roger Bacon gaped. "With the Lucia centerfold? Sold! Just give me a few minutes..."
Percival smiled at his friend. "Just enough time to finish your outfit."
Borus groaned. He knew that smile.
---
Upon close inspection, the figure slashing at the merrily reading Malik was Borus wearing a shockingly high quality silver wig. Fortunately for the plan, no one in the arena aside from the distracted Malik was that close.
Unfortunately for the plan, despite the distraction Borus' swordstrokes went straight through the Prophet.
Percival sat thoughtfully. "Pity. Well, best give him a chance to escape before Malik realizes it's a fake." He nodded to the man next to him, and watched as a rather conspicuous bolt of lightning felled Malik and Borus fled.
Geddoe looked at him. "So why did you bother with that distraction if you had me here?"
Percy shrugged. "Well, this is far more likely to get Lady Chris disqualified. Besides, it's not like I have a shortage of naked pictures of Hugo's mother..."

Chris Lightfellow: 27
Malik Benedict: 49

Barubary
*flips a coin* oh look at that Malik wins okay so hmmmm.... uhhhh Malik summons an army of Zerglings and they maul chris to death... sure she can silent lake him but still he summoned F**kin Zerglings don't mess with the Zerglings

DjinnandTonic
In my perfect world, Chris dresses up like Malik's long-lost-lover/sister and Phoenix Runes him in the back when he gets too close. XP Game mechanics be damned.