Season 32, Week 5
Malik Benedict
(Wild Arms 3)
 
Once again, Malik finds himself in the Heavy finals, and once again, the prize money that will so greatly help in his research is at his fingertips. This time, though, much to the amusement of the Prophet, the only one left to stop him from getting his funding is a pathetically pointless match of a pure physical brawler who has absolutely no chance to hit him. Ever. Emily will be punching nothing but thin air in this match as her fists whiff past the ever shifting molecules of Malik's body. Meanwhile, the prophet will be taunting and laughing at the frustrated martial artist as he slowly puts her out of her misery with a flurry of Eliminate Scanners. Then, when Emily falls and he is given his just rewards, the revival of Mother will finally begin...

V

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It's been a rough road for the destroyer of worlds, but Emily has finally made it to a Heavy final! After smashing a couple princesses and a knight, the successor of the Bell's family name finds herself fighting... a mad scientist with an Oedipus complex? Well, whatever. Sure, he may have a slinky body capable of making physicals whiff like fine mist, but that won't stop this redhead martial goddess! Once she gets a single strike past his evasion, the flurry won't ever stop, and Malik will be smushed so hard he'll get that mommy obsession beaten out of his hollow nutcase of a head. The universe has found a cure for such clinical insanity as his, and it is the roaring fists of the daughter of Ronnie Bell! EMILY SMASH FOR THE HEAVY BELT!


SageAcrin
"What do you mean?" Emily said, angrily.

"You can't hit him. You'll never lay a finger on him." Yuiri shook her head. "He's too fast."

"What!? I'm fast too!" "He's faster. Well, in a different way. He moves in place really fast. He's not that special for normal speed..." "What?" Emily said, confused.

"It doesn't make sense to anyone else either." Yumi cut in, shaking her head. "The important thing is, with our help, you'll win."

"I don't...oh, never mind. Why are you Alma Kinnaners so persistant, anyways? I told you, I don't want to live in your village." "It's okay. You'll eventually come around. Everyone's sure of it." Yumi nodded. "..." Emily sighed. "Well, what's the plan?"

---

"Mother!?" Malik stood, stunned, as a woman with blonde hair stood before him in the ring.

"Um...uh...yes!" Emily, hair dyed, contact lenses in, heavily made up and in a completely different dress from normal, looked nothing like what anyone would have expected of her. Even most of her cast-mates didn't recognize her. "Um...yes, son! I've come here to tell you that you don't...uh...don't...don't need to fight Emily! You just need to leave the arena! This will...um, get you your mother's complete and unconditional love!"

"...she totally forgot her lines?" "Completely." "Mmmm. She forgot we're holding up flashcards?" "Actually, they're just behind her." Yuiri, shrugging, pointed Yumi over to several Alma Kinnaners in the audience, casually holding large white sheets of paper. "Sadly, he's buying it anyways." Yuiri added, as Malik nodded happily and started to walk out of the arena. "He needs to get a girlfriend or...something. Maybe just repeated punches in the face. Regardless..."

"Um...wait! And you're to say that Emily completely beat you! To everyone! And wear a sign saying it! And run around the halls with it on! And..."

"...she would push it." Yuiri and Yumi said simultaniously, as Malik turned around, frowning at the long stream of Emily's demands of him.

His frown gradually turned into a snarl.

---

"...he did what?" "Well, after killing her, he attempted to use her as the vessel for his mother's ressurection. Something about her looking just like her." Yuiri sighed. "The results...well, it didn't work, but he thought it did, and..."

"Oh god. Oh god." Emily mumbled in her bed, feverishly. "No. No ugly demon men near me...no! OH GOD! NOT THAT!"

"Oddly, she didn't have a mark on her." Bowman said, shrugging, as he listened to his patient's fevered murmuring from the next room. "There's no way of telling what happened to her, but she won't let men near her, for right now. She goes into hysterics and knocks down the nearest wall. We lost two walls already that way." Bowman added, gesturing to a obviously patched nearby wall.

"...well, look on the bright side." Yuiri said, shrugging. "What?" Yumi asked, puzzled. "She's sure to come to live with us now. No men in Alma Kinnan. Everything worked out fine, more or less." Yuiri said with a smile.

Malik Benedict: 57
Emily: 19

IhatethisCPU
I fully expect psycho--psuedo-incest boy to win, but not upgrade, while Emily loses and upgrades.