Season 32, Week 2
Emily
(Suikoden III)
 
Fists capable of splitting trees in half. Blunt blows that can fell a fortress within seconds. With such power, one thing is certain: Emily's prowess in the martial arts is nigh-unrivalled. Of course, this fight should be a nice showcase of her talents: Emily has long yearned for a fist-to-fist slugfest in the arena, and princess Alena is quite a brutal fighter herself, with a solid reputation in the DL. But, while the runaway princess is sturdy, quick and strong, Emily is even faster and fiercer, with nigh-impenetrable evasion to handle her opponent's strikes. The daughter of Ronnie Bell will prove who is the superior SMASHer in this fight to the finish. At the very least, however, it'll be a good fight for both of them.

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nder other circumstances, Alena and Emily would probably get along quite well! Both are fast, tanky, punishing physical brawlers who happen to be female. However, now that they are up against each other, all that goes by the wayside as they face off in the Arena. Alena may seem to be fighting an uphill battle, due to her opponents long attack-chains and criticals, but she's more than capable of defeating her opponent before things get too nasty. Alena's durability advantage should see her through Emily's combos, and her own critting ability will come in handy when she goes all-out. This is a close match, but Alena should be able to seize victory, and prove herself once again in the ring.


Joou Ranbu
Emily and Alena, being fairly good friends outside the arena, felt that it was unfair to have to beat each other unconscious in a big fight. After all, it's a lot more fun to endlessly pound at an infinitely Uppered Cristo all day long than go for a big fight to the death. So, they proposed a compromise to the judges in the arena, and they aceded.

So, they decided to duke it out in an exciting Zidane Pon Pon Blast! contest. It consisted of beating Zidane up relentlessly for ten minutes. After the time expires, the judges take pictures of Zidane's state after being pounded into barely living matter. The one who manages to make the resulting Zidane remains more similar to Big Joe's chin wins.

(It doesn't make sense and is kinda generic, but you really shouldn't argue with judges in the subject of beating Zidane.)

The result was that Emily's pounding resulted in Zidane looking vaguely like Deathevan's porn stash, which oddly consisted of nothing but Big Joe naked pictures. Alena herself sculptured something similar to Brey's wrinkles once she was done. By default, the victory went to Emily.

Sounds pointless, no? It is. Until we remind you that Alena won the right to use Zidane as an official punching bag during her spar sessions with Emily. Cristo, needless to say, cheered.

Emily: 49
Alena: 10