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And Now, For Something Completely Different However, here at the DL, we have perhaps what could be considered... a range of specimens that could only inspire ardor, passion, lust... in the rarest, and perhaps most bizarre, of men or women. Those that effectively, well... will likely never mate. The question is, whom among these candidates is most appealing to the general person - or, in other words, actually has a chance at the dating scene? With your help, dear voters, we hope to solve this question via general opinion. First, for those extreme hippies out there amongst us, we have the giant talking goth tree. Exdeath is your prototypical "I want the world to die" sentient being, but all attempts to take him seriously are set back by his desire to destroy any potential mates, and his, well, um... massive root clumps, which prove a nasty impediment to anyone looking for an attractive tree. I mean, tentacle sex with tree roots? Ugh. Rhapthorne is also one of those cursed with minimal beauty traits, as the politically correct put it. Grossly obese, and those horns just do not help his complexion, quite honestly. It does not assist his cause that he has no one to love, and thus stay in shape for. Also, eating castles causes cholesterol problems, what with all the fatty monsters and other demons in there. Then there is Lich, the undead master of Earth. Those rotting clothes and dangling fleshy parts just are an automatic turnoff, and bony boners... yeah, there is a reason that he has been included in this listing. Plus, that body odor. Truly offensive. He also fits within the "I want to destroy everything" section, which limits his appeal factor even further. Ah, Garan. He of the baby head and completely bizarre pillow. His face is aged like an old man's, he has to float everywhere on that silly pillow... yeah. Garan earns a place here simply for his age and his incredibly bizarre appearance. And then... then, there is Brahne, the queen of all that is just. plain. wrong. I mean, look at her. Then look at any normal woman, and you begin to see the issue. That is, if you haven't already clawed your eyes out. Even her theoretical riches seem to serve no purpose but to give her excuses to dance, which, well... have -you- ever seen her dance? Yes? Then you know the immense, immense pain that follows. Borgan. Much resembling Rhapthorne, he has the additional pain factor of having a... rotting-green priest hairdo. In addition, well... have you ever seen his bromide? No? Well, um... don't go finding it. Needless to say, his appearance and general snobbishness have merited him a position here, a... dubious honor, to be sure. Ah, Sneff. The one PC to be entered into this contest. Possessing all the traits of the typical Ugly Old Man (UOM), he also has an incredibly battered and worn-down appearance - and appears to have had such an appearance since he was young. Really, he appears to have acted as the ugly magnet for all those handsome bishie magicians. How well will he fare here remains to be seen. Finally, Final Fantasy 4's Cagnazzo, the squat, four-legged, eternally grinning beast, enters the contest. With such horrible skin and bad posture, he rounds out this contest in the worst possible way. Besides, that shade of blue is close to nauseating on anything living, and when you take into account that back color offsetting it so horribly... well, how much would you want to sleep with a demonic Buddhist Turtle? So! Dear friends, we have assembled before you today six of the most hideous specimens of creation. These poor, poor beings need someone to love, so I ask you, friends. No, not to marry them, but simply your opinion on this dilemma: which one do you think has the best chance of ever finding someone who loves them? |
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Grefter AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING! Rhapthorne: 2 Lich: 3 Garan: 10 Brahne: 17 Borgan: 3 Sneff: 10 Cagnazzo: 9 Ex-Death: 13 Octillus
Draco Ignifer
Gatewalker
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