Season 30, Week 1
Yuna
(Final Fantasy X)
 
Seldom do two dullers have as much in common as Yuna and her opponent this week. Mages of the top order with great talents in summoning forces of nature shouldering responsibility no girl so young should have to endure, Cecilia and Yuna understand one another like few else could. But then, what's wrong with a little friendly competition? Although the sheer might of Yuna's Aeons make duelling with Cecilia seem a little unsporting, however, the Princess turned Drifter is no stranger to thwarting opponents without breaking a sweat, and a taste of Pain will surely motivate her to work even harder for next time. And, after all, there's no hard feelings involved in Season XXX, no?

V

S

Oh my, the Princess of Adlehyde never catches a break, does she? Facing Yuna on the first round is certainly something most duelists would wince at, and Cecilia is no exception. That said, the Innocent One will not back down - after all, she still has her determination... and her never-ending bag of tricks. While Yuna may be the better summoner and possess the irritating Dispel, she is still a PC, and that's her downfall! Lacking any protection, Cecilia's highly accurate Prison spell will render Yuna motionless and allow Cecilia to finish her off with a single tap, proving that eve Yuna has weaknesses that can be exploited. And against a mage as versatile as Cecilia, such weaknesses will prove to be fatal.


SageAcrin
*Three days before the match.*

The wind whistled across a crowded, barren cliff.

It was a cold night, though clear.

The cliff was in the middle of nowhere, a forlorn ledge sticking out of a barren land...

No humans had any reason to stare up at the sky.

But there is more on this world than just humans.

-There is a star of calamity coming.- Mewtwo "said", staring up out of the crowd, at a white star glinting in the sky. -There is no worry for any of you, but for the humans...- Mewtwo shook his head, as he adressed the crowd of Pokemon surrounding him. -There has been a shift in the balance of the world recently. Perhaps this is fate, a correction of the balance. Perhaps it's just bad timing. Regardless, it's none of your concern.-

To any humans, the cacophony of Pokemon cries would simply have sounded like gibberish. But Mewtwo, being a Pokemon, could understand it perfectly.

"But I keep seeing all these perverts in visions! All the time!" A Celebi cried. "All that groping and shrieking and...!" It broke off with a shudder.

"But I've got to go party with Jecht! If something happens to the humans, I won't get the free booze!" Blastoise objected. "He was going to treat us all!" A few Aipoms added, and a chorus of agreements from a Golem, a Spinda, a Snorlax, a Skarmory, a chorus of Psyducks, and even more others were heard.

"This is a calamity like no other." An Absol intoned. "We must prevent it."

-And you expect me to do it.- Mewtwo "said", nodding.

A chorus of cheers and agreement met the psychic feline's statement.

-...I see.- Mewtwo "said", as he formed a wave of telekinetic energy.

And shoved all the Pokemon off the cliff.

-I hate most Pokemon.- Mewtwo sighed, as a chorus of Pokemon cries faded off into the distance. -Lazy party animals. You have to find the most obscure places to get away from them. That was why I came here, to this planet... but now they're letting all of them in because of the Not Ranked contest. Well, I suppose I can at least help the humans. Just not so Blastoise can jump on a table, dance with a bunch of Aipoms, and offer to take off his shell. He does that too much already.- Mewtwo "said", shaking his head, and staring up at a glinting, white star...

*A day later.*

"Damnit, Edge, snap out of it." Yuri said. "You've never been like this before."

"Like what?" Edge said dejectedly. "I'm fine, leave me alone."

"Like what? You haven't even spoken to Rydia, let alone other women, and now you've crawled into a glass? This isn't like you. If it's because you got beat up...hell, that's a really lousy reason with you." Yuri said, shaking his head. "Do you need some kind of unbelievably powerful weapon? Going mad with power usually perks you up."

"...nah, I don't think that would help." Edge said, sighing.

Yuri's jaw dropped.

"Just leave me alone, okay? I'm fine." Edge said, turning back to his drink.

Yuri simple stared a moment, then walked off.

And nearly ran into Mewtwo.

-Good, I've finally found you. Mewtwo "said", barely avoiding Yuri.

"...wait, I nearly ran you over and you didn't bite my head off? This must be really important." Yuri said.

-...I should stop underestimating you, Yuri. Sometimes, you are very observant. Regardless, yes, it is very important.-

"Well, can it wait? I need you to try brainwashing Edge into being normal."

-...And sometimes you are not. If I tried to make Edge "normal", every single brain cell he has would collapse in on it's self. His first actions would be to start stripping off his clothes, oiling himself, dancing around a pole, and praising Brahne's physical features. Then he'd start singing along with Eyes on Me. Badly. Do you truly wish that?-

"...you've...put far too much thought into this." Yuri said. "Anyways, no, I mean, normal for him." Yuri said, adding "Stupid cat." under his breath, and getting smacked by nothingness for his pains.

-I heard that. But no, I can't render him back to his old self. It would take far too much effort at this point. Best to let events take their own course.-

"...you know something about Edge, don't you?" -Of course. I'm also not telling you. Now, come with me. We need to talk.- Mewtwo "said".

Then slapped Yuri telekinetically again.

-I heard that too. Also, get in touch with as many other people as you trust.-

---

"A star of calamity, eh?" Brey said, shaking his head. "You don't know much more about it than that?"

-I do, but it's irrelevant and would make your job harder. All that needs to be done is shooting it down.

"...so you're making us work in the dark. Because you don't think we're smart enough to work well otherwise." Crowley said, scowling.

-Basically correct. However, if you dislike this, you can ignore my warning. I wouldn't mind very much.-

"Leave off, Crowley." Mazus said. "He probably is that much smarter than us."

"At any rate, this should be pretty simple. We have a cannon. We have a bunch of mages-ourselves-and we have Lexis to poorly name whatever cannon shell he decides to make. Just blow away the star and everything's fine. Right?" Brey said, nodding.

-Not quite. You have to shoot it from three 120 degree angles, simultaniously, or else you won't get anything done.-

"..." The entire table stared at Mewtwo.

"...you want us-and by us, I mean Lexis-to make two more Creamonades in two days?" Yuri said. "I don't think he could manage that if I force-feed him sugar until he decides he's Captain Science, the ultimate technician. And last time I tried that, he passed out after 27 hours, anyways."

-No, I'm telling you what needs to be done. Maybe you know of other weapons. As long as it it's three angles at once, a day and a half from now, calamity will be adverted. Otherwise, this will be far more trouble.

"...well, there are two other places I could go to for weapons, but I don't know how reliable they'll be. Actually, I do. That's the problem. Still, I suppose it's worth a try." Yuri said, sighing.

---

"You want me to save the world!?" Bartholomew Fatima said, stunned, as he stared at Yuri. "But I thought you hated me."

"Look, if I hate you or not doesn't matter right now, okay? You have a giant mech. The mech has a cannon. The cannon is large enough to blow up a small continent. You know how to use the cannon. It's not really complicated." Yuri said, shrugging.

"You aren't giving me a lot of reasons to help you." Bart said, glaring at Yuri. "Well, chicks dig world-savers." "...sold!" Bart said, shaking Yuri's hand.

---

"So, lemme get this straight." Cid the Tenth said. "You want me to blow something up, and it's entirely legal and sanctioned by one of the most influential Godlikes in the League?"

"Yeah, that's about right."

"Yeeeeeehaaaaaw! Clean up the missile launchers, boys, we're going to town!" Cid said, as he ran off to supervise.

"...He's a bit funny about those things." Rikku said, shaking her head. "Ever since we raided Bevelle, he's been looking for excuses to blow things up."

"Ah." Yuri said, still staring after Cid.

---

"You want me to make the Creamonade launch a high-orbit-range ballistic shell?" Lexis said. "Impossible."

"...I didn't know you knew that word." Yuri said. "What the hell do you mean, impossible? Can't you at least try and blow yourself up?"

"No. Oh, I could do it, but no. I have a date." Lexis said.

"...you?...wow, something is really screwed up right now." Yuri said. "Stupid cat could have told me-ow. Damnit, he's has to be miles from here, that can't possibly b-Ow! Okay, okay." Yuri said, rubbing his slapped head. "Look, can't you put it off?"

"A date with Lucca Ashtear? No." Lexis said adamantly.

"...really, really screwed up." Yuri said. "Well, looks like I have only one recourse." He said, slugging Lexis. "Now, I need to find some sugar and a funnel."

---

*A day and a half later.*

The crowd at the Godlike arena was tense.

Bets were places, food was sold, and the crowd was lively.

Of course, the bets were on how fast Yuna would kill Cecilia, all the food was in small servings, and the crowd was lively mostly because they didn't want to be stuck in the front row. You can get too close of a view of a Megaflare.

At any rate, it was to be a prosaic, normal match.

But fate has a way with these things.

---

"AHAHAHAHA! I am the supreme technician!" Lexis cried, from within his disturbingly tight leotard and bright blue cape. "The Creamonade's full power has been enabled! Land, sea, air, space, even hell it's self, there's no place it can't fire! Yes, the world has been saved yet again, thanks to the power of....CAPTAIN SCIENCE!" Lexis added.

Then fell over, started snoring, and mumbling about trains.

"...I love it when he does that." Yuri said. "Anyways, the shell ready?"

"It's in the rack. The blast off that thing will make an antimatter cannon look like a Multi Bottle Rocket." Brey said, nodding.

"So it's only a little worse than an antimatter cannon?" "Yeah, basically." "Got it." Yuri said, nodding, as he picked up a radio reciever. "Bart, are you in position?"

"Damnit, Yuri, use my call sign! Over." Bart said. "...okay. Okay." Yuri said, sighing. "Tango Foxtrot Awesome Omega Gamma, are you in position?...Over." "That's affirmative, Kupo Pink Frilly Omega. Over." "...I hate him." Yuri said, shaking his head. "I heard that!" "That'd be the point." Yuri said, switching channels. "Cid, you ready?" "Hell yeah! Just give the word, and we'll pump this baby full of the biggest missile barrage this side of a SeeD reunion party!"

"Well, it looks like everything's ready." Yuri said. "All we have to do is synch it up, since everything moves at different speeds. Cannons are faster than missiles are faster than ballistic shells. Right?"

-Correct. But as a warning...prepare to duck and cover.-

"...I am getting really tired of those cryptic warnings, cat. All of you mages get up there and make a barrier. I'll aim this thing." Yuri said.

---

"Heheh. Chicks dig a world-saver. He's right. Margie will forgive me anything after this, and other girls...heh." Bart said, smirking. "My life's about to get a whole lot more fun. All for firing the Bart Cannon at something. And no one around to smack me for calling it that." He added happily, as he aimed the Yggdrasil IV's Yggdrasil Cannon at a shining spark in the sky.

"Now...three...two...one....NOW!" Bart yelled, as he fired at a small glint in the sky.

---

"YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAW!" Cid yelled, as he launched all missiles.

---

The star glinted calmly in the sky, as assaults powerful enough to remove an island hurtled towards it.

Then two rays of light sheared out from it.

---

"...crap." Bart said, as he watched the Yggdrasil IV's torso very, very slowly slide off it's legs, as a ray of light sliced neatly through tons upon tons of steel.

---

"...crap." Cid said, as he watched his airship plummet towards a mountain, sans one wing.

---

"...okay, damnit, cat, I just saw that thing kill an airship and a city-sized Gear in two shots. Load up that damned shell so I can fire it, fast!"

-...load? Me?- "Look, this is no time to get prissy about doing work! Load it!" -But...- LOAD IT! Yuri shrieked, as he saw a beam of light cut towards the Creamonade.

Mewtwo sighed, grabbed a shell, fumbled it(Despite not actually using his hands to carry it.), and slammed it into the cannon shaft.

Yuri, grinning, fired.

---

The Yggdrasil Cannon blast was the first to reach the star. Powerful walls of force blocked it's blow easily.

However, while the blast was still continuing, the missiles reached the star of calamity. The walls had reached their limit. There was no way they could sustain any more damage than this.

Then the Creamonade's shell, with enough power to destroy the entire Arena at one blow, smashed into the star.

And bounced off harmlessly.

---

"...what?" Yuri said, staring blankly.

-...I was afraid that would happen.- Mewtwo said, sadly.

"...what?" Yuri said, in a different tone of voice, as he stared at Mewtwo.

-...well, machines...are not very intuitive to me. Normally, I study them a while to understand them before using them-

"...you loaded the shell. How could you possibly require study for that?"

-...well...that is to say, I've never really studied large ballistic shells closely, and at the time, it struck me that, while the curved part of the shell would be better for piercing armor, that would hardly be neccesary for a magical device, and it may be that the flat end of the shell may have added sensory enchantments to determine when to detonate, so...

"...so you loaded it backwards." Yuri said, as he watched the proclaimed star of calamity slam into the Duelling League.

---

"WOO!" Blastoise yelled, as he danced a merry jig. "Yeah! Damn that Mewtwo, we had to miss Jecht's party because he wouldn't help the humans, but damn, this party's still good!"

"Yeah!" Came a chorus from some drunken Golducks and Psyducks.

"Hey, take off your shell!" A Nidoqueen yelled at Blastoise.

"Sure, baby!" Blastoise said.

Then the undetonated shell fell on his head.

---

"...well, at least the thing would have worked..." Yuri said, watching a massive mushroom cloud appear in an uninhabited plain. "At least it didn't kill anyone. Now, what the hell do we do now?"

-...I'm...unaccustomed... to being embarressed. Give me a moment. At any rate, there's no hurry, now.-

"...what do you mean? It's a star of calamity, aren't monsters going to start pouring out of it or a great evil arise or something?" Brey said, scratching his head, as he walked in the door.

-...after...a manner of speaking, I suppose. But there's no hurry. There's no quick way to deal with what has happened, now. Mewtwo "said", sighing. -I suppose I should tell you what's happened. Though, watching the match the star fell in might be simpler. He added, as a nearby TV apparently turned it's self on.

---

"*Sigh.* Oh, this is just great. I get in, on the first round, in the most perverted season ever, fighting a girl, and she can kill me in five seconds." Cecilia muttered to herself, as the match was declared started. "Could this get any worse?" She added.

Predictably, the "star of calamity" chose this moment to smash into the stands, leveling half of them.

"...my big mouth." Cecilia said, sighing. "What the heck is that? Looks like an airship or something."

"Damn, Taban, could you have screwed up that landing any worse?" A voice yelled from inside.

"Hey! I was getting fired on, Cid!" "Did someone call me?" "No, not you, Cid. The other one." "Me?" "No..."

"Hey! No one praised my mad skillz at shooting down those two!" "Yeah, but you totally missed that weird cannon. Lucky they shot a dud." "Hey!"

"...what the..." Yuna and Cecilia said, staring at the ship.

"Zis is no time for the argument, yes? I am a busy Manillo, and we have come here for a purpose." "Oh, just because you have money doesn't mean you can ignore the rest of us, Marlok." "Hmph. I funded zis expedition, though."

"...I feel funny." Cecilia said, shaking her head. Something was askew. She knew somehow-maybe it was the voices of the Guardians, maybe something else-but she knew that she was in grave danger, despite how ridiculous this sounded.

"C'mon, we came all this way, let's get out there!" A voice called out.

Then kicked off a door.

"Ahhhh, fresh air." Tiga said, stretching.

---

"...I don't get it." Yuri said, watching people trickle out of the spaceship in twos and threes. "Aren't those NPCs and Plot Fights? What's so scary about a ship full of them?"

-It isn't that simple. Right now, Edge's lack of success with women, and the success of others, has produced...a...imbalance in this universe, one at a time that demands the greatest of perversion. One man's failure does not make up for the success of dozens of other perverts, particularly when one of those men is Zidane. So, the imbalance is correcting it's self.-

"By...calling in more perverts?" Brey said, watching as Elinee the witch cackled and hopped down the ramp. "...I thought she stopped being a pervert after she was done with Dyluck. Oh well, I should know better. Anyways, I thought they liked to be called the Battle Form Inhibited."

-Political correctness is worthless.- Mewtwo "said", shaking his head. -At any event...that's not quite accurate. These people cannot have meaningful interactions with the rest of the world. Plot fights always win, and unless there's a meaningful balance in the universe to correct, nothing truly meaningful occurs when dealing with them. NPCs cannot fight at all, and there's always a sort of barrier to how much they can interact with PCs. This is a stopgap measure. Unfortunately, they have been infused with the rest of the measure.-

"Infused?" Yuri said, turning back to the screen.

---

"...mmm, I feel so...hot." Cecilia said.

"Me too." Yuna said. "I wish I had that other outfit right now." She added, taking off her top.

---

"..." Yuri, Brey, Crowley, Mazus, and the finally-awake Lexis all stared at the screen, as Cecilia and Yuna stripped down to their underwear in front of a cheering crowd, held hands, and talked for a while, to the incredibly loud cheers of the crowd. Cecilia, before removing her top, called up to the judges that she was finished for the day, and that Yuna was the winner.

"...uh...this...this....th-this...isn't...really a calamity." Yuri noted. "And I'm glad I hit record as soon as Cecilia took her top off."

-Right up until you realize that a bunch of totally unkillable people are now going to be getting all the action, and that half the Duelling League will end up infused, by them, with an aura of perversion so strong that all of them will end up like that, yes, it's not a calamity. Do you want to see Brahne doing something like that? Even my senses are incredibly insulted by that, and I don't find human females interesting at all. I gather that would be even worse for those that do. Mewtwo "said" disgustedly. -Besides, anyone would be disgusted if, say, Geno or Bowser started doing pole dances.

"Why...do you mention Brahne? She...doesn't live..." Brey trailed off, as he peered closely at the crowd of people that had came off the ship, then groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"...oh my god. What the hell do we do now?" Yuri said, still watching Yuna and Cecilia...

Yuna: 78
Cecilia Lyne Adelhyde: 30

Imperial
Extreme Beach Volleyball Time!

Cecilia wore a nice blue two piece bikini and carried her infamous staff. Yuna countered with a cow print bikini that made Zidane blush. The game was volleyball and it began!

Cecilia cast 'Quick' and 'Might' and bashed the ball as hard as she could with her staff. It was about to crash into the sand on Yuna's side when Ifrit rose from the ground and hit the ball up into the air for Yuna to spike to Cecilia's side. Cecilia appeared before the ball and swiftly knocked it back over the net.

The ball was hit back and forth backed by the force of there determination. Aeons were summoned. Spells were cast. The ball still hasn't hit the sand.

'Hi Flame!' The ball had caught fire but was quickly frozen as it flew towards Shiva. Shiva spiked the ball but a quick 'Hi Vortex' allowed Cecilia to rise the ball from the ground before it hit.

'Hyper!'

BAM!

The ball exploded.

"Hehehe, don't you love the excitement?" Cecilia commented. Yuna nodded.

Belial sighed as she created a new ball for the two. "This match has been going on for an hour without one point. I declare that this match will be over once the first point is given."

Cecilia nodded. Against all of Yuna's aeons she would have to use Hi-Prison or Banish. She smirked with her plan in her head.

Yuna nodded as well. Against Cecilia she should kill her before she could cast LifeGuard. Grand Summon overdrive should do the trick. Yuna grinned.

Yuna and Cecilia both nodded.

"Ready?" Yuna asked.

"Yeah,"

Who won? Check the numbers. . .

UltraDude
If it weren't season XXX, my familiarity with Yuna and Cecilia would allow me to write a half-decent write-up. As it stands, I have nothing in me that does this season justice.

Go Ceci!

Kanos
Jesus christ, Yuna in this godlike pool is like a great white shark in a goldfish tank.