King Raijin
~superaielman

Queen Zeal paced through her room, with Dalton at her heels. "Fool! Your sources said that the male SeeD was 'aligned with the sky'. We've been testing Seifer for a week, and nothing. We need this to release Lavos!"

Dalton shook his head. "My Queen, I know not what went wrong. My sources are never wrong about this. Still... can't deny that Seifer is very much a negative. Hmm..."

Dalton's ltrain of thought was interupted by a knock to the door. Zeal scowled. "Who dares interupt me while meeting with an adviser?"

Raijin walked in, bowing hurriedly. "Uh... sorry. Just wanted to report in. Something's wrong with the big machine in the back of the palace. Whenever I get near it, it begins making all sorts of noises. Maybe it needs to be fixed?"

For once, Zeal and Dalton were both caught completely off guard. However, Zeal recovered quickly. Smiling, she walked up, patting Raijin on the arm. "Why, thank you. I'm glad to have such a brave and loyal guard."

Flustered, Raijin bowed quickly and left the room. As soon as he left, Zeal dropper her smile, and glared at Dalton. "Idiot! You were looking at the wrong man the entire time. It's not Seifer... it's Raijin. Good thing for you that I have a plan. I know just how to get that man to do what we want..."

Two weeks later...

Raijin rushed into the SeeD's quarters, where Fujin and Seifer were playing cards, yelling from the top of his lungs. "Seifer! Fujin! I'm going to be a king!!!"

"WHAT?" Even by Fujin's standards, the words sounded loud. "HOW?"

"The Queen says I'm just the man she's looking for! I'm strong and brave, and will be a great example for the rest of Zeal! The marriage is being held tonight. I can't wait! You guys will still be my friends, even though I'm all royal now, right?"

"Uh... sure, buddy. If that's what you want." Seifer dropped his hand, and slung an arm around Raijin. "Why don't you let us do a few things ahead of time. You take a nap, and we'll cover your shift." Walking away from Raijin, Seifer nodded to Fujin, and walked out of the room with her.

"Something stinks. The Queen and that chickenwuss Dalton have been cackling about something for weeks, now. Whatever their plan is, I'll show them no mercy if they're up to something."

"AGREED."

Thus, the pair crept quietly through the halls. They reached the outside of the Queen's chamber, and stopped.

"... the fool said yes. Hahhahaha. Tonight, he gets a 'marriage'. He'll be wedded to our machine, and he'll free Lavos!" Zeal's squealing laughter struck home with the pair.

"Lavos is freed, and I get Fujin for my own... needs, correct?" Dalton's words caused Fujin to go pale, and Seifer to turn a shade of red.

"... I knew it. We couldn't trust that chickenwuss. I'll show them what happens when they attack the Disciplinary Commitee!" Before Fujin could stop him, Seifer stood up, kicked down the door, and rushed in... straight into one of Dalton's Iron Orbs. The force of the blow knocked Seifer to the ground. When looking up, a grinning Dalton and Zeal stood over him.

"Idiot. Like I didn't know of your meddlesome eavesdropping. Too bad that you won't be able to stop us."

Sighing, Fujin shook her head. She cast Haste on herself, then walked in. "WAIT." Walking into the room, she grabbed Seifer up by his hair, and stared at the Zealites.

"I won't let you two hurt my friends. Raijin isn't going to be taken advantage of by you two monsters, and Seifer... well, he tries."

Zeal eyed the girl and laughed. "Let's see what you two can do against the might of Zeal! Dalton!" Zeal flew up into the air, preparing for the impending battle.

Dalton reached in, and summoned a Golem. "Hehe. The odds are even, now."
  • Seifer and Fujin thwart Zeal's plans
  • Zeal and Dalton overcome the commitee

Draco Ignifer
Seifer, as we all know, fails it. But they aren't fighting Seifer - they're fighting Seifer and Fujin. Also known as "the competent one." Unfortunately, Queen Zeal is also rather competent - she destroys her entire country, but ends up getting exactly what SHE wants. Fortunately, Dalton ends up losing his airship, and getting eaten by his own attempt to summon a Golem... so he's not that competent. So, as it ends up, there's one competent team member and one incompetent team member per side... two if you count the extra golem.

So, competence vs. competence, incompetence vs. incompetence would be the normal way to do it. But competent people know that you go for the incompetent ones first. So Dalton and his Golem ended up being attacked by Fujin, while Seifer and the Queen faced off, in two separate duels to the death.

Fujin's battle was over before it started. Both Dalton AND his pets have a nasty and stupid habit of imitating their foes. And in Final Fantasy games, peole tend to be immune to the attacks that they rely on. Fujin, being immune to wind and being able to use Tornado as much as she wants, is no exception to this. The results were gruesome beyond words. So, one of the two halves ends relatively quickly.

And then, of course, there's Seifer vs. the Queen. Whose favorite trick is to abuse Hallation, which drops her opponents to 1 HP. Normally, this would never work against a boss, but Seifer comes from a game where bosses are not immune to Gravity. Hence, he gets blasted. Normally, this would end the battle against the Queen just as quickly... but Fujin IS the competent one. Hence, before her battle starts, she yells one word to Seifer - "PLAYER!" And, fortunately, even he's smart enough to realize what that means - use his PC form, which can heal itself using magic. So, the battle changes from being over in two rounds to a long, drawn-out duel between HP->1 and healing. Not like she has anything else to do... Sadly, though, this means Seifer will inevitably lose, since there's a limit to the amount of magic he can hold. Fortunately, though, this limit is equal to 300, when you count Cure, Cura, and Curaga. And Fujin's the competent one, which means she'd actually supply her leader with these insanely readily available spells beforehand. Which means Zeal's not going to win for hours, while Fujin will defeat her opponent in minutes, and immediately join the fight to finish of the remaining foe.

Did I mention that Final Fantasy cure spells, unlike Chrono Trigger ones, are all inherently multi-targettable?

Sometimes, even Seifer can't fail hard enough. He'll probably fall off the floating island after their victory, though, just to prove us wrong.

Seifer/Fujin: 51
Zeal/Dalton: 29

Grefter
Fujin knows the secret to victory in this battle. First up, beat the smeg out of Seifer before even engaging in combat. This serves multiple pruposes. Primarilly ensuring that he will open up being able to use a Limit. Second of all, they get to stick a knife in Seifer's kidney.

From there it is simply a case of Seifer using No Mercy on all the golems. All the Golems are then immitating Seifer and the entire enemy part breaks down crying, start wearing eyeliner and writing "THE PAIN INSIDE ME! NOBODY KNOWS IT BUT ME AND THAN PAIN!!!!" all over themselves in felt pen.

Days later Golems could still be seen randomly crying out "Crawling in my skiiiiin!" as they walked down the street.

UltraDude
Despite the power wielded by Zeal and Dalton, Fujin recently learned to use the spell Summon: Burning into the Gates of Yogsogoth We Burn. Thus, the fools have their faces melted by the true power of heavy metal, and Fujin triumphs once again (Seifer, unfortunately, also lost his face; not that Fujin's complaining).

Xeroma
Seifer autofails. However, even Fujin can mop up THIS mess.

xan
Dalton summons the golem. End of story.