Pyoo Pyoo! Space Battle!

~Grefter

On a blasted plain, millions of lightyears away, there is a conflict of unimaginable size and ferocity. On this battle-worn moon, the fate of the universe is being decided. The victor of this battle will wield such powers as to rule this existance with an iron fist. And the two sides of this conflict are both closer from home than one just might expect.

The supreme dictator of the Princes of the Universe is a gargantuan half-dead man, half-machine monstrosity, composed of three heads of part of the ill-fated Freddie Mercury Clone Squadron, raised from a sample that a young fangirl had stolen from Freddie before the abduction of the frontman. All the clones suffered the same fate as the belated singer. However, one man had a dream of a giant ruler who could calm all the populations with gentle, dulcified tones. He acquired three clone heads, and mounted them upon his Killertron 5000 - a machine capable of synthesizing an unlimited number of instruments at unlimited volume. The three-headed cyborg zombie Mercury had a passion... FOR DEATH. He crushed his creator and has since proceeded to take over entire civilizations in his mad vie for power - the only thing good enough to sate his passion... FOR DEATH.

The second armada in this conflict is not so innocent, either. Their former home was Mars, but the planet has long since become uninhabitable through their own follies. The only surviving race is the Spiders From Mars, and they have long since left our solar system in a parasitic spree, searching for more host civilixations to feed upon through their sinister methods. Infiltrating the society and controlling the young through their evil "rock music" and pretending to be "Pop Stars" - that's what they do. From there, they suck all the life from the society, by destroying all morals and engaging in while sexual orgies and drug habits. Their numbers are nearly infinite, and they cannot be detained by conventional means. Should they seize the day, then, no place in the world will be saved from their sexual advances... OF DEATH.

With this information in hand, we now place our bets on the future of the universe. Where's your precious money at?
  • Is this real life? Is this just fantasy? No, you will all be crushed before Freddie's might.
  • We have five years before the Spiders come and destroy our world in an unending march of devil music.

Ultradude
Unfortunately... Freddie is more than capable of beating the spiders at their own game - even as a three-headed cyborg zombie variant of himself. Add to that the advantages of his current state, and you have swift victory. The Spiders are caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

Freddie Mercury: 45
Spiders from Mars: 30

Draco Ignifer
...Ho~ly Jesus... What is that? What the F*** is that!?

Browbeat
The Princes of the Universe are, alas, fated to win. After all, they fight for their survival...

Lance
Who the hell is Freddie Mercury? I must not be cool enough to know about him.