Rinoavania

~superaielman

Castlevania, 6/3, 8:00 AM


"Bwhahaha! This is perfect! We needed a new place to hide out, and this castle was ripe for the taking! Mario will never find the Princess here...and put her down somewhere, Koopas. Use...oh, use that stupid coffin. "

"...But...boss...isn't it a little creepy here? All the undead running around."

"Yeah, boss. I don't think Princess had black hair, either..."

"Did I ask for your opinions! Hush up and put the princess down! Go open a window. I can barely breathe in here. And find a torch!"

The Koopas rolled their eyes and ambled over to the window, forcing it open with With some effort, they forced the window open. They heard a sudden shriek. What looked like a huge, pale man had draped a cape over Rinoa, and was bending over her in a way the Koopas couldn’t place, but knew wasn’t going to go over well with Bowser. Before they could do anything, sunlight from the window illuminated the man, and he stiffened and vanished in a burst of flame. Rinoa slumped down into the coffin – now completely open and very empty – bleeding from what appeared to be a neck wound.

"...Boss, I think this girl is hurt..."

"SILENCE, FOOLS. Go call the rest of the crew in. We're home!"


Balamb Garden, 6/4, 8:00 PM


"I'm going to ask you one more time, Zell. You let Rinoa get captured by a giant turtle...named Bowser. Is there any reason for this? Did he have a security pass? Or were you just asleep? Again?"

Zell shrank back from Squall's voice. "...No! She just left on her own! Nothing Irv and I could do about it...Speaking of him, where'd Irvine go? It wasn’t just my fault here!"

"You’re right, it’s not. I shouldn't have been dumb enough to leave you two morons in charge of anything." Sitting down, Squall picked up the phone on his desk. "Someone get me Xu!"

A gentle knock at the door a few seconds later announced the young lady’s arrival. "Sorry, Squall. We have no idea where Bowser went. Mr. Valeria said Bowser's castle was empty. All traces on his name and location failed after he left the shadow dimension where you found Necron."

Squall's fist slamming down on the desk shocked Zell and Xu into silence. "Find me where Bowser Koopa is. I don't care how much time it takes or how many gil we lose. DO IT."


--

Balamb Garden, 6/16, 1:00pm

Squall had been pacing for almost an hour without stopping, and he’d been worrying for a lot longer than that. Two weeks with no word from Rinoa, and no results from the agents looking for her...Squall hadn't yet lost hope, but he was running out of options.

"Boss. Someone's here to see you." A small turtle ambled from behind Xu, and yelled incoherently at Squall.

"...What's this thing trying to say, Xu? I don't speak monster."

"He has information about Rinoa. He says...Castlevania was the name, and that's all. That's all I could make out, anyway. He has no real idea how long it's been, but he says Bowser's definitely there."

"Any reason him why we should trust him?"

"...I can't make it out. Something about Rinoa 'turning'. He seems to be legit, though. I ran some info...its name's Koopa Troopa. Longtime assistant of Bowser Koopa, who as you know was be-"

"Enough! The thing can stay in the Garden. I don't care where...no, how about Irvine's room? He's earned it after this latest stunt. Look up the name 'Castlevania', and find me someone who knows where the hell it is! Contact someone about Bowser, too. Someone who knows how to take him down. I'm going to be busy for now."

"Doing what?"

"Training. After you find that castle, I’m going to kill him."


---
Balamb Garden, 6/16, 8:00pm

"Squall, Koopa went back to the castle. He says he can't be away for long."

"Did you put a tail on him?"

"Yes, boss. But...it was lost near a dimensional portal. There's no way a human can get through it."

"Dammit. Find him!"

---
Castlevania, 6/18, 1:00 am

"Bwhahaha! This castle is great! An army of loyal supporters, my own throne room... and of course, my new Queen. Rinoa, come on out!"

And she did. The former SeeD had abandoned her old casual look for head-to-toe black, and her hands and mouth dripped blood. That was still less unusual than the rest of the scene, though...

"Bowser!" Rinoa quickly lept into Bowser's arms."That was a tasty snack you brought me. Let's go do some more bad stuff. It's so... sexy."

"Ah, my queen. Anything in the name of evil. Who needs that smelly princess now? Bwhahahaha!"

A small, turtle-like creature saw the entire affair, and twitched. Koopa quickly made his way out of the castle, and back towards the gate. It was definitely time for another report.


Balamb Garden, 6/19, 2:00pm

"Squall! Everyone's here. Koopa's back, and we finally got the fighters you wanted."

"Thanks, Xu. Send them in."

A moltey band of warriors walked through Squall’s door. At the front stood a tall, extremely pale man, carrying a sword and wearing armor that had to be hundreds of years old. Koopa Troopa was at the other end of the room, staring at the pale man and twitching. And finally, there was a familiar young man in the doorway, brandishing a gunblade and grinning at Koopa.

"...I know the turtle. Who's the emo loser with the jacket? Not you, Seifer. Him."

"I am Alucard Tepes. This situation is a…personal matter for me. You wanted information about how to get to Castlevania?"

"Like a loser like Squall could get through the door."

Squall ignored his old rival, and focused on Alucard. "Of course I want information. Rinoa's there and I can't do a damn thing to help her if I can’t even find the place."

"Very well..."


--

Balamb Garden, 6/19, 4:00pm

"...So you're saying that that oversized turtle killed the lord of all the undead and took over his castle, and then the place turned my Rinoa into a…a vampire? You can't expect me to believe all this."


"It's true. And whether or not you believe it, Castlevania must be resealed and Rinoa saved from my father’s curse."

"Fine. Whatever. Xu! Gather the men. We attack now."

"Wait! You can't enter the castle yet. It is not of this world – Dracula’s will is what brings it to the mortal realm. With its lord gone, it drifts, appearing and disappearing through its own power."

Squall brought his gunblade out of a dramatic, commanding pose, and aimed it at Alucard for an instant before sheathing it again.

"I’m getting tired of these games. When will it show up again? That’s all I brought you here for."

"Castlevania appeared less than a day ago, if your man's description of the portal was correct. Humans should be able to enter again in thirty-three days."

"Too long," Squall said, almost reflexively. "I’ve waited too long already – we needed to get her back two weeks ago, not next month!"

Alucard didn’t even seem to hear his "employer."

"Until then, we train. Dracula's death made everything about the castle unstable, including the portal. It will only be large enough to admit a human for a few minutes at a time. With luck that will be long enough for four people to enter. In the meantime, we send the creature back, and prepare."

"Dammit! Okay, we’ll train. Alucard, you're staying here till then. You’ll tell me everything about this castle, and exactly what’s happened to Rinoa. If I can’t find her, I’m taking it out of you. Xu, research Bowser. Find his rival. We're going to need help making the kill. That makes three. Fourth...con-"

"I'm going, Squall. Rinoa might be yours now, but this sounds like a worthy quest for a knight."

"I guess we do need someone to distract the monsters. Seifer makes four."


Portal to Castlevania, 7/22, 9:30pm


Squall looked at the portal. The dark patch of energy had been steadily growing and clearing. Ten minutes ago he could barely see the castle at all, but now he could almost count the bats swirling around outside it. It looked unspeakably old, and dangerous.

"Like old times. I guess Ultimecia wasn’t bad enough," he said under his breath.

"We all ready to go... Seifer, why in the hell are you sticking your finger in the portal? No, forget I asked. I hope you lose it. Alucard, you look ready. Mario...of course you are. Time to go."

Squall took a good, long look at the crew surrounding him. Mario hadn't taken long to find, and he’d signed on as soon as Xu told him what Bowser had done. The plumber was supposed to be an expert at exploring castles, so Squall figured he’d be good for more than just looks.
"All of you. Our only goal is to get to the top of that castle. We'll split up when we get inside. I've given all of you radios. When you find them, call the rest of us and try to subdue Bowser. We'll capture Rinoa and try and find a way to reverse this..."

Alucard chimed in then.

"Remember, we have only one night. The castle will disappear at daybreak, and leave all of you between the worlds. Move quickly."

Squall shook his head. "You could have mentioned that earlier...everybody, you heard him. Let's go."

And so they stepped into the portal. Behind them ambled a small turtle, with a determined look on his face.

  • Squall and company defeat Bowser, and get Rinoa out in time.
  • Squall runs out of time.
  • Bowser manages to crush the invading forces with his new queen.


Yakumo
Squall was walking through the Long Library when a voice came in on his radio. "Its'a me, Mario! Owwowowow..." The voice was cut short by insane, Kefka-esque laughter and the sound of a roar.

Squall sighed dejectedly and rested his head in his hand. "Why did we have to bring someone with such a limited vocabulary on this mission? Now we're down to three, and we only have a general idea where Bowser's hiding. ...whatever... which part of the castle was he searching, again?" Pulling out a map that Alucard had drawn during the preparations, Squall started off toward the Clock Tower.


Alucard was searching the throne room when Mario's voice came over the radio. Recalling Mario's search area, he began running toward the clock tower, but was suddenly interrupted by Death himself. Glancing at the position of the moon in the sky, Alucard knew he didn't have time to deal with Death and get to the Clock Tower in time to stop Bowser, so he spoke up.

"Death, why do you block my path? The master of the castle is dead, and I mean to overthrow the usurper. For the sake of Castlevania, you should stand aside!"

"Foolish boy, you still do not understand? I serve the master of the castle, whoever it may be. And now, the master of the castle is the girl Rinoa. You shall not interfere!"

"Very well, fiend. You shall not stop me from rescuing the girl, whether she desires it or not!" So saying, Alucard drew his sword and charged the ever-grinning apparation. The clash of sword on scythe rang out into the night.


Finally, Squall found himself atop the Clock Tower as the moon began dipping below the horizon. The scene as he entered was horrendous. Mario was laying facedown at Rinoa's feet, a blackened lump. Koopa Troopa was in a casket, motionless. Even Bowser was hurt, bootprints still visible on his skull from Mario's apparent assault. In the midst of the carnage, Rinoa cackled with evil glee.

"Rinoa, are you alright? It's me, Squall! I've come to get you out of here! But first, I've got some business to settle with your scaly friend here." So saying, Squall rushed Bowser. One Lionheart later, the number of people still standing in the room was down to two.

"Squall, dear, how nice of you to join me tonight. You're just in time for dinner." Rinoa embraced Squall from behind, pressing her body against his and whispering in his ear. "That turtle was nothing but a snack, you're the main course," she mumbled to herself.

Rinoa bared her fangs and was about to bite when Alucard finally arrived in the tower, bloody and missing his shield. "Squall, look out!" He yelled, startling Squall into motion. Rinoa's teeth bit empty air.

"Aww, how cruel of you to break up our romantic reunion," Rinoa pouted at Alucard. "We were just about to get to the fun part, too."

Ignoring Rinoa, Alucard barked orders to Squall. "Grab her and let's go, the night's almost over!"

Squall, finally coming to his senses, complied. He quickly struck Rinoa with the flat of his blade, knocking her out. "Sorry about this, but I don't have a choice. Alright, time to go!"

The three rushed down to the portal, arriving just as the sun began peeking over the horizon. The portal, however, was acting oddly. The shape was constantly changing, and the view of the other side was foggy and distorted, making it impossible to tell where it currently lead.

"Damn. We're too late, aren't we?" Squall demanded of Alucard.

"I... don't know. The portal should last as long as the castle... well, it isn't like we have a choice. The castle will disappear soon, and we'll end up trapped between dimensions. Wherever this leads, at least we'll have a chance to get back. Come on!" Alucard grabbed Squall's arm and dragged him through, still carrying the unconcious Rinoa. Mere seconds later, the castle began to shimmer, it's form becoming indistinct, before it finally winked out of existance for the day.



That night, when the castle reappeared, Koopa Troopa woozily dragged himself out of the coffin. Two small holes were still barely visible in his neck, and his face held a triumphant look. "Bwahaha, my plans worked! Now this castle and all it's denizens are mine! Death, attend me!"

The grinning apparation slowly materialized in the tower, his cloak torn and his scythe dented. "So, the castle has yet another new master. What would you have me do, lord?"

"Put these two fools in the prison before they wake and cause a ruckus. I need to plan."

"Thy will be done, master." Death sketched a small bow and summoned skeletons to drag the unconsious bodies downstairs.

Koopa Troopa went to the throne room and sat on the throne. "With the power of this castle and it's occupants, I will make all those puny mortals kneel before me. Nobody will walk over me ever again, especially not that self-righteous plumber. I'll show him true fear when he wakes up." Chuckling evilly, Koopa Troopa sat in the throne room all night, plotting his revenge.


Seifer had been having difficulties of his own when Mario's voice came over the radio. He had begun his search in the catacombs, and quickly learned how difficult it is to swim in a trench coat. Also, swinging your sword underwater tends to be difficult, and much too slow to hit undead fish. As bite upon bite added up, Seifer retreated as fast as he could to the entrance of the castle and dove through the portal, with the idea that he would regroup and come back to continue the search. Unfortunately for him, he forgot that the portal couldn't handle a human from his world's side anymore, and ended up getting thrown into the world of Fire Emblem, where he ended up trying to hit on Eirika and pick a fight with Ephraim. The DL healers still haven't found all the pieces to put him back together, thanks to Ephraim's skill with a spear.


Squall: 35
Out of time: 24
Bowser: 28

Lurking Registered User
The battle had begun. Alucard had found Rinoa, radioed the rest, and they'd gathered in force in Dracula's throne room, newly renovated Bowser style!

"Man, what's up with all this lava?" wondered Seifer as they strode in for their climactic showdown.

"It'sa traditional," explained Mario. "You've gotta have a-the lava. It'sa not a real a-battle if it'sa not over a-the lava, ona-the rooftop in a thunderstorm, or dangling from-a the giant chandeliers."

"Gweh heh heh!" guffawed Bowser. "Right on time, suckers! If you want to save the princess, er, sorceress here-" He pointed at Rinoa, tied up and hanging from a protrusion on the wall. "-you've gotta go through me, first! And I don't think you can defeat someone... who's completely invulnerable!" And with that, he grinned maliciously as he pulled out the Star Rod. Snapping his fingers, he summoned Kammy Koopa to increase his size, and legions of Dry Bones began crawling from the portcullis behind them.

"Pfaw!" scoffed Seifer, striding forward. "This'll be a piece of cake for a true knig-" Then he was squished by a Thwomp.

Rinoa reformed behind Bowser. "You know, I thought we were going to do something fun. But dangling there's just boring! I wanna do something else!" she groused.

Bowser leapt a foot in the air and pivoted around. "Don't sneak up on me like that! Hey! How'd you get out of the ropes, anyway?"

"Hello, vampire here? I can turn into mist!"

"Oh yeah. I forgot you guys could do that..."

Squall sweatdropped as the vamire and the draconic turtle began having an argument as if he and the others weren't even there. "Ahem!" he coughed.

"Huh? Oh yeah, the losers. Hang on a second baby. This'll be done in a minute," said Bowser as he turned back towards the others.

The next few minutes were eventful. Firey blasts were deflected by gunblades, magic beams were dodged by plumbers, and undead turtles continuously reanimated and were re-smashed under the onslaught of Dracula's son. Renzokukens were flung about, Fire Flowers were used, and familiars were summoned, but nothing seemed to faze the indestructible Bowser. (Although Kammy was vaporized by the first Renzokuken.)

Then, a new voice was heard.

"Children of the night!" it intoned, and a small blue mouse streaked out from the shadows.

"EEEEK, a RAT!" screamed Rinoa, leaping into Squall's arms. The unbalanced Squall careened into Alucard and Mario, sending all four of them plummeting into the lava.

Moments before they hit, Ultimecia took over Rinoa's body, hoping to use it to seduce Dracula. She didn't *quite* have time to say "Kurse all SeeDs!" before they hit.

"Man, I didn't expect that to go so well..." muttered the newcomer as he walked from the shadows and collected his mouse.

"Huh? Who are you, and what are you doing in my castle?!?" yelled Bowser.

With a dramatic flourish of his cape, the newcomer bowed. "I... am the mighty vampire lord Count Jack von Burace! I'm here to borrow a million Gella from Dracula."

"Grrr... It doesn't matter what you are! This is my castle now, and I'm invincible! I'll just- Hey! Pay attention!"

"Yeah yeah... Hey! Is this axe made of real gold?" asked Jack, picking it up.

"Don't touch that! It's a load-bearing axe! Aw, crud..." Bowser's feet wiggled in the air as the floor beneath him collapsed and he and his Dry Bones plummeted into the lava.

"You know you're not a real vampire, Jack," Hanpan groused on Jack's shoulder.

"Yeah, well... You know that, and I know that, but Brahms and the others don't know it, and I'm not going to be the one to disappoint 'em. Besides, do you know how many goth chicks I'm picking up now? Remind me to thank Fogel next time we see him. It'll put a real twist in his knickers..."

"Speaking of Brahms..." murmured Hanpan.

"Yeah. We've got to get that million Gella quick or he'll have my hide. How much do you think this axe'll sell for?"

"Might be enough, 'Count.'" snidely remarked the Wind Mouse.

"Hey, I've got a nice little castle in the Mushroom Kingdom now. I don't think Bowser'll mind, do you?" grinned Jack. "That oughta be enough to convince Marivel of my supposed pedigree..."

"What about Castlevania?" asked Hanpan, puzzled.

"Are you kidding? Drac *always* comes back, and he won't take kindly to squatters. Besides, think of it as a courtesy to my fellow vampire. Now let's get out of here before we get stuck between the worlds or something."

And so, everyone lived happily ever after. Except for Rinoa.

And Squall, Seifer, Mario, and Alucard.

And Kammy Koopa.

And Ultimecia.

Bowser, still indestructible thanks to the Star Rod, eventually got out of the lava just in time for the castle to slip between worlds and leave him stranded in the ether.

But Seifer's next album was delayed by a whole extra year, and that made the rest of the world that much happier, so it all evens out.

Tide
It would seem Bowser and Rinoa have the advantage. Bowser has the command of his Koopa Troops, Rinoa has command of the undead. Two armies against 4 fighters....those are really fair odds.

However, on a closer analysis, things are not as grim as they seem.

Fact 1) Rinoa is a pretty incompetent leader (as witnessed in game). Bowser isn't too hot either in that department as he some how gets defeated by Mario every single time. And really how smart can a plumber be?

On the other side, Squall is at least somewhat competent. Mario having fought Bowser many times, knows exactly how to foil the Koopa King's plans. And thus, Squall and co. have a large strategic advantage right from the game.

Fact 2) The undead would most likely will not listen to Rinoa given how incompetent she is (as established in Fact 1). Due to this, they'll probably ignore her and do something else. Of course, since the extent of Rinoa's orders might be "Run into a wall repeatedly", this could be more of a detriment to our heroes. Nonetheless, we should at least know that the undead will not listen to their Queen and as such, the effective number of armies is essentially reduced by 1.

Fact 3) The undead troops will probably attack their Koopa team mates seeing as how there is no one to control them. And...well...have you seen how brainless undead creatures act? This leads to a rather unprotected castle leading straight to the throne room of the Koopa King

Fact 4) Assuming that there are sentries, Mario and Alucard can probably dodged them since the numbers are thinned out. Squall and Seifer can easily defeat the remnants, especially since they are not bound by DL legal rules here.

Fact 5) And The MOST important factor in this equation: Do you really think a relationship between Bowser and Rinoa would work out? Do you think Bowser can honestly put up with Rinoa? For a month? I have my doubts. If anything, Bowser will be crying tears of joy when he sees Squall and co.

And thus, Bowser is 'defeated' and Rinoa unfortunately saved. Of course, now Squall has to find a way to revert Rinoa back to human. Alucard doesn't care, Mario is mute and Seifer's opinion involves something about "owning lamers".

Looks like Bowser's still the real winner here.