KAAAAAAAAHHHNNNNNNN!!!
~Cmdr_King

Welcome to the depths of space...where, they often say, no one can hear you scream. Trapped in the core of a dead world, one man listens to the words of his mortal enemy, known to him chiefly as Khan.
“I've done far worse than kill you, Admiral. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her: marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet, buried alive. Buried alive…”
A greater outrage this man couldn’t imagine. His very soul cried out in search of Justice in the Universe!
"KHAAANNNN!"
Finding no solace from the cold depths of the void overhead, he wailed as one of the damned, reaching even beyond the boundaries of existence!
” KHAAANNNN!”
And somewhere, somehow, people not of his world heard this strange call, and responded with all due speed!
From somewhere near the ancient land of Wyndia, a strange man appeared. Largely unclothed due to a devout desire to show off his rippling biceps, he was an imposing figure with a shockingly crooked smile.
Stranger still, there were three other identical men. The clones echoed loudly, “Ahh, Master Kahn! Excellent to see such a fine Man again!”
“My pupils! We have gathered here to answer the call of this…old…man?” The eldest Kahn, by a matter of some weeks, noticed for the first time the raging Admiral before him.
“KHHHHAAAAAAANNNNN!”
“My, but he seems to be entirely ungrateful! So, we shall instead punish him like the true Men we are!”
And then, from another corner of the increasingly crowded planetary interior, a strange creature appeared. “Good Lord, it’s Captain Kirk! Why he’s the finest Defender of Earth our beloved planet has ever seen! Clearly we must have been called here to aide him in some heroic quest!”
“BEEP BEEP BLIP BEEP. CAPTAIN GORDON, THERE ARE FOUR STRANGE MEN CONVERGING ON ADMIRAL KIRK. BLIP BEEP”
Shock etched itself into every inch of Gordon’s face. “No! We can’t let a true-born Defender of Earth face such terrible odds! Jennifer, Thursday, back me up!”
“We’re right behind you Gordon! We can’t let that dashing hero die in this horrible center of the…well, of some such horrible planet!”
“BEEP BLIP BEEP. AFFIRMATIVE, ENGAGING COMBAT MODE.”

What possible outcome can this epic adventure of the Defenders of Earth possibly have?
  • Kahn, Kahn, and Kahn, under the watchful eye of Master Kahn, prove too manly for the spacemen.
  • The Kahns are soundly defeated.
  • Khan returns to finish the job.
  • The Admiral’s “KHHHAAAAAAANNNNN!” vanquishes all the interlopers.

Grefter
It is a little known fact that the KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN! phenomenon is a factor in maintaining the great balance within the universe. William Shatner contains one of the biggest supplies of awesome in the universe and this supply is steadilly increasing daily. When the KHAAAAAAAAAN! phenomenon takes place it is a sharp release of excess amounts of awesome that spread out and redistribute the awesome in the universe so that poorer and more pathetic beings may benefit for a brief period of time what it is to be awesome. (As a simple rule no Khan is ever effected by the phenomenon, they are sources of extreme failure almost universally, there are a few minor exceptions, like Genghis Khan and Dschingis Khan.) Every time you experience some kind of "awesome" in your life you owe it to William Shatner or one of his compatriots that give off awesome so that others may experience.

For other examples of sources of Awesome see David Bowie wearing tight pants, Jamiroquai wearing a really big hat and Johnny Depp talking.

Kahn: 12
Defenders: 9
Khan: 13
Kirk: 23

Fuzzypickles
Randomly yelling KHAN ftw?

Draco Ignifer
Kirk wins. Kirk always wins. Just the way things work. And, by proxy, whichever side has Kirk always wins. Which means Gordon and Thursday, together with the Admiral, will triumph.

Unfortunately, Jennifer's only article of clothing on torso happens to be red, which means she's going to end up the token casualty, who spurs the others on to victory. But hey, Netherworld medical care is about as good as it gets. Just hope they take her to the doctor instead of the Prinny recruitment center.