After showing his masterful knife-throwing skills to all who dared to challenge him in Light, Sigurd has his rightful title and chance to show off his battle prowess in Middle. And his first oppoent is Fire Emblem 8’s resident Wyvern Knight, Cormag! The young pirate faces a brutal challenge against the lance-wielding fighter. But never fear, for Sigurd has a couple of tricks in his book! There is nothing that FE’s flying knights hate more than projectile weapons, and Sigurd is a classic knife-thrower. A couple of shots to Cormag’s crippling weakness and he'll be easily dispatched, letting this Light champion advance in Middle.
Intense, deadly, and thirsty for vengeance after being denied a battle for so long, Cormag is ready for a trip to the Arena. He has his spear, his trusty dragon, and his lust for battle all at the ready for his opponent. And what a match it will be! The pirate Sigurd does certainly not intimidate him; Cormag's seen scarier pirates on the battlefield, and this one doesn't even use an axe. And a former Light is trying to beat the likes of him? Ridiculous! A few stabs of his Killer Lance into the heart later, and Cormag will obtain victory easily. He just hopes this weakling won't lead him to underestimate the rest of Middle...
There are many perverts in the Role-Playing Game Duelling League.
And, naturally, like very many things in life, perversion is bisexual. Co-educational. You know, not sexist.
(For the sake of your own sanity, ignore the possibly mind-shattering reprecussions of the previous statement. Such as Sten, Zidane, transgendered Zelos and Mekumeku in a hot tub.
Yes, ignore that sentence too.)
"Mmmm. Such a wonderful matchup." Deis said, staring at the match listings, surrounded by a crowd of girls.
"I'll say. Two big, muscular men, grappling with each other's... swords." Opera said, grinning. "I thought Cormag used a lance..." Kyra said. "Even better." Opera replied.
"It's a pity." Mystina mused to herself. "All those silly perverted males get such interesting fights, but all we ever get is just some worthless sweaty brawls. Someone should do something about that."
"Hmph, women." Edge said, watching the crowd of women discuss the match's esthetic value. "Look at them, drooling over a couple of men like they're pieces of meat. It's disgustingly sexist, how could anyone put up with it?"
"You're just jealous." Yuri said, shrugging.
"What the hell? No I'm not! Besides, it's clearly the lack of a opponent that's attractive enough to matter keeping my matches from getting this sort of notice." Edge said, huffily. "Besides, it's not like you get much more atte-"
"It's Yuri!" Several girls at the edge of the crowd squealed, and four girls rushed over to get autographs signed.
"You were saying something, Edge?" Yuri said, over the bubbling remarks of the young girls. "Oh, go to hell." Edge said grumpily.
"Hmmm. I thought I saw you two." Mystina said, approaching alongside Deis. "I have a buisiness proposition for you..."
"So this is where Yuri said to go?" Mystina said, glancing doubtfully around the cluttered laboratory.
"I guess." Deis said, looking around dubiously.
"Oh, you two, I'm sorry, I have-" Lexis Shaia said, hurriedly gathering up random weapons and armor.
"Wait, wait, we're just here to pay you to do us a service." Mystina said.
"I'm not in that buisiness." Lexis said. "I know I placed in the top twenty in the Duelling League's Sexiest Scientist competition that silly magazine had, but..."
Mystina bashed him on the head with her rod, and continued smoothly. "No, what we need is for you to allow us to fire a certain whipped cream dispenser."
"Oh, the Creamonade. Ridiculous name Edge came up with, but one of my greatest inventions." Lexis said distractedly. "No, I'm busy with...wait, what was I doing?" Lexis said, dropping a stun gun on the table. "Something important. Oh well, it'll come back to me." Lexis said, sighing. "I get so many projects lately that I can't keep track of what I'm doing. Now, the Creamonade, you say?"
"What a monumental waste of money." Mystina said, staring up at the massive long-barreled cannon.
"It's not your money." Deis pointed out. "Besides, when you invest and fall asleep for a few thousand years, you tend to come out with more than enough cash to waste." She said, shrugging. "Now, fire this thing, Lexis, so I can Warp Mystina and I back to the match in time to see it in person."
"Um...yes." Lexis said, frowning. "Hmmm. I know what I was doing was important." He mumbled to himself with a sigh. "Oh well. Time to fire a calibrating shot."
"You waste thousands of gallons of whipped cream trying to aim the cannon?" Deis said incredulously. "Well, actually, we get it in bulk and it goes to waste if we don't fire the cannon a lot. To be more exact, Edge somehow managed to get a bunch of Miltanks and hooked them up to it." Lexis said, as a muffled moo wafted from somewhere underground. "He said he won them in blackjack from some kid. At any rate, they don't like not being milked." Lexis said, as he triggered off the first shot.
"Hmmm. Didn't need much calibration." Lexis mused, as the blast clearly fell within a arena. "Oh well, it was still off."
"...Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Mystina said.
"Now, for the actual shot...and there!" Lexis said, triggering the cannon. "Now you two can-oh, they already Warped. Now, maybe I can remember what I was going to-...The match with Matthew!" Lexis said. "...and I'm ten miles away and already late..."
"Still think it was a waste of money?" Deis said, as Cormag, now lacking armor and shirt, wrestled with a similarly unclothed Sigurd in a massive vat of whipped cream.
"Everyone can make mistakes." Mystina said, smiling.
"So you two are responsible for this?" A voice called out, as Piastol strode down the steps to where the two women were sitting.
"Yes." Mystina and Deis chorused.
Piastol stared at the two women for a moment, then turned her attention to the match for a while, watching until finally Sigurd cleanly choked Cormag out in a headlock.
Finally, she sighed.
"You know something?" Piastol said, shaking her head.
"I've been too hard on Edge and Yuri." Piastol said with a laugh. Smiling, she strode away in the stunned silence around her.