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Love Attorney Flonne in
Lovely Jewels!
~Cmdr_King
Etna limped back to the office, bruised and sullen. It had been such a great idea at the time: Find a new place to loot finances from, move up in the world. That had brought her to Ramus' house.
Unfortunately, some of those funds she'd hoped to liberate had also drawn in a certain demon-man as a live-in chef.
"Well", Etna said to no one in particular, "at least he was only armed with a ladle..."
Bracing herself for the most painful moment of the day, Etna sat in her chair and waited for Flonne to realize she was back.
It didn't take long at all. "Etna! Where were you, the phone's been going crazy and... Etna! What happened?! You're hurt, what have you been doing...oh, if I'd known that you were-"
Quite suddenly, Etna had had enough. "Flonne? Can it. This wouldn't happen if we had real, paying customers! I don't care what you say, the next person that walks throught that door is not getting off for free!"
And then, even though the door was unlocked, a voice on the far side shouted "Stand clear, my lady!"
Before Etna or Flonne could figure out what that meant, the owner of the voice cut the door off its hinges.
Reaching for a pocket-Prinny, Etna stopped short when she caught sight of the towering, curling mass on the far side and realized just who had cost her yet more money.
Bowing out of the way, the afro-headed butler drifted out of site to reveal a strangely imposing figure, with blonde locks flowing despite a lack of wind, hands firmly and not-quite menacingly placed on her hips. The drifter started talking right away.
"So, this is the office of the great Flonne? You'd never think the winner of such big cases would have such a dumpy apartment. It's like you've made no money at all!"
Etna was speechless, in awe at finally seeing someone who understood. Flonne, meanwhile, spoke immediately, a little edge creeping into her voice. "Can I help you?"
Maya Schroedinger sighed dramatically. "It's embarassing, really. We were doing some treasure hunting for the Nanjo Corporation - just a basic contract - when we got jumped by some hired guns. I'd been reading Lemina's 'A Penny Earned is a Penny for Me!', so I mopped the floor with them using a Catastrophe spell."
Flonne gave a little start. "Fighting over money? How dreadful!"
Maya waved her concerns off. "That's not the bad part. They were working for Ramus, and word got back to Lemina about Catastrophe. And what do you know, the little wench tradmarked every spell ever to come out of Vane. So now they want me to pay some absurd royalty for defending myself from thugs they sent!"
Disappointed at this turn of events, Flonne just stood there. "Uh-huh."
"And, well, Alfred spent the last of our Gella on some bomb materials, so all I have is this." She rummaged in her skirt a bit, pulling out a small blue jewel. "The Tear Drop Virginia gave me." Something like embarasment seemed to cross her face, but quickly vanished. "And anyway, I won't give it up without a fight!"
Etna finally recovered. "Um...I dunno what you heard, but if you don't have any money, how are you going to pay us?"
Maya shrugged with admirable non-chalance. "I leave all the details to my secretary. Shady?"
The Quantum Kitty flew in precisely on cue. "We are offering a 10% share off all Schroedinger Family earnings for the next year."
Etna immediately tried to calculate what this could mean, and promptly passed out.
Flonne took the opportunity to speak her mind. "Well, it's an interesting case, but I'm afraid it's just not the sort we're interested in. Good day."
Maya, with Shady and Todd on her heels, didn't bother to argue and were halfway out the door before Flonne heard a whisper behind her.
"Ms. Flonne, please take the case. Sis won't admit it, but she'd be crushed to give up the Tear Drop. Virginia means more to her than anything."
Flonne pondered. "So...this jewel is a symbol of Love! Of course!" She ran out the door, shouting. "Ms. Maya! Flonne, Attorney at Love, is on the case!"
Shady immediately turned. "And the payment?"
Flonne began her speech almost before he finished asking. "I'd ne-", she said, before Etna woke up and knocked her head over heels.
"It's perfect! 10% Is perfectly generous and fair!"
Shady pulled a contract seemingly from nowhere and tossed it to Etna, who signed too fast for anyone's eyes to follow.
---
For her biggest clients yet, Flonne yet again enters the courtroom. The plaintiff is backed by Ramus, and he's spared no expense. This suit has already gone to the highest court, the Honorable High Justice Mewtwo presiding. With the expert legalese of Odessa's Liz, Lemina and Ramus had brought quite the arsenal to bear. But who will triumph?
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Draco Ignifer
Once again, the cause of love and justice has been furthered through the world, due to the heroic actions of... Love Paralegal Etna?
Well, it doesn't sound as heroic as Love Attorney Flonne. However, this time, the power of love wouldn't be enough to save the treasured gem from the wicked clutches of Lemina Ausa. Only something so wicked, so dark, so malevolent that the innocent mind of an angel would have no hope of comprehending it could save Maya Schrodinger's gem. The dark and foul arts of... Copyright law.
Copyright, as Etna found out after tapping into this dark art, is a rather complicated form of evil. And, with this complication, there came many loopholes which would allow Maya to get off scott-free. However, her tendancy towards mischief took over when she found one particular clause in the law which would allow her to not only win the case, but cause utter anguish to her opponent as well. As she discovered, copyright is automatic; one need not register copyright with some office for copyright to exist. It has some advantages, of course - namely, that your copyright will actually be recognized. However, if you can prove prior ownership to a copyright, then the copyright is legally yours, and not that of the other person. This turned out to be quite advantageous, as Lemina Ausa was not the first person to copyright the Catastrophe spell. Nor, in fact, was any person in Vane. The first copyright for Catastrophe magic came from a far stranger source.
Dr. Stephen Strange, to be precise. Careful research by the demoness discovered that he had learned this art back in the 1970s, long before it had become necessary for Althena to create the world of Lunar. Though he had never gotten around to copyrighting it, he had been the one to originate the art. This, of course, meant that both of them now had to deal with the sorcerer over copyright violation. After a cajoled Laharl managed to track down the mage, though, this turned out not to be so big a problem after all - as one of the founders of the open source movement (C'mon, how could something as arcane as Linux NOT have come from him?), he declared that all uses of Catastrophe magic would be fair uses. Armed with a transcript of this conversation, evidence of prior use by Strange, and careful documentation by her Paralegal, Love Attorney Flonne soundly crushed the prosecution. Even after being threatened with charges of contempt five times due to her tendency to fall into speeches on the virtues of love, the judge still ruled for the defense.
And so, in the end, everything worked out for the best. The forces of love and justice prevailed once more, Love Attorney Flonne was able to move up to an office worthy of her skills, Etna recieved all the wealth she could ever desire... well, at least for a few decades... and Hoggmeister's theft insurance costs finally dropped back to the double digits. Of course, Lemina's sworn revenge on the entire Netherworld, and Etna STILL can't get Flonne to stop attaching "Love Paralegal" to her name, but hey, all's well that ends well.
Flonne: 28
Mitigating circumstances: 9
Liz: 8
Schroedingers: 20
Lurking Registered User
"I've always wanted to be a lawyer!" exclaimed Flonne. "Law, law!"
Etna cradled her face in her hands. "You're not thinking of ninja again, are you?"
Flonne nodded. "Law-ninja!"
Etna groaned. "Just stick to the case we developed, okay?"
Flonne nodded primly, thoughts of law-ninja momentarily banished as the bailiff called the court into session.
Mewtwo banged the gavel. **Let the prosecution present its case.** the puce pokemon 'pathed.
Liz stepped forward and began orating. "According to the power of 'science' chapter 5, paragraph 72, subsection 38, 'On the virtues of Bulkogiden'..."
Mewtwo banged his gavel again. **Bailiffs, remove this... reptile from my court!**
Lemina was astounded. "What?! But he's the prosecuting attorney! Without him, we're at an unfair disdvantage!"
**I don't care. *You* don't have to read his mind! Look, let's just cut to the chase. I've just used Future Sight, and Flonne wins the case. Her arguments that the alleged copyright violations took place in Castlevania -where copyright and trademark laws have been abolished after that Stoker fellow's estate tried to get Dracula's fortune-**
Dracula, who had been called in as a witness nodded his head at this. "And people call *me* a bloodsucker!" he muttered.
**...successfully convince the jury that the Filgaians cannot be held accountable to Vane law in a third country.** finished Mewtwo. **This case is dismissed. Everyone can go home.**
Cheers erupted from the defense stand, and groans from the prosecution. In the middle of it all stood a highly confused Flonne. "But... I didn't get to make my case! Or give my speech about Love and Justice..."
"Thank the hells for that..." muttered Etna.
"... But if I didn't make my case, how could Mewtwo foreseen my arguments and prevented me from making my case..." mused Flonne.
Everyone froze.
**I... hadn't thought of that...** replied Mewtwo, as the entire courtroom was consumed in a puff of paradox logic.
**That's it.** came Mewtwo's disembodied voice from where the courthouse once stood. **I'm banning you from practicing law ever again. You're just too good at it.**
T.G. Nevareh
Thus far, it had NOT been a good day for Love Attorney Flonne or her client's case. The plaintiff had a well-construced case, some witnesses, and had somehow gotten a recording of Maya Schroedinger in Flonne's office admitting to using Catastrophe... by mid-morning. Sure, it was only a pre-trial hearing, but things were tough... tough indeed.
"So tell me, Mr. Thug, what spell was used?" asked Flonne, her professional manner as usual completely and utterly covered in her usual sugar-coated delivery.
"I'wuz Catastrophe, fer sure." said the thug, wearing several casts as well as a neck brace.
"Are you suuuuuuure it was Catastrophe?" asked Flonne, once again sweetly.
"Objection! Leading the witness!" comes a cry from the Plaintiff's stand.
-*Approach the bench, counselors.*- thought-spoke-said the honorable judge Mewtwo, presiding.
The two head counsels for the different sides, Liz for the plaintiff and Love Attorney Flonne for the defendant.
-*I want to know what you are doing with this, Ms. Flonne.*- thought-spoke-said Mewtwo.
"I'm establishing what the witness saw, your Honorable Judgeness, sir!" said Flonne.
"She's questioning what the witness has already said and sworn to in an affidavit. She's effectively asking him if he's perjuring." responded Liz.
-*Ms. Flonne, it is not customary to tell the witness they are incorrect in what they are testifying to unless on cross-examination they contradict themselves.*-
"Well, your Honorability, sir, I want to establish his knowledge of the weapon used," said Flonne politely.
"Irrelevant! No one has to have direct knowledge of the weapon being used against them! It is not necessary for a victim to say that it was, in fact, that precise baseball bat or psychic fireball that was used against him, only that /A/ baseball bat or psychic fireball was used. Pokey v. Ness," rattled off Liz.
"This is completely different, Ms. Liz, ma'am! Your client is alleging use of a very SPECIFIC copyrighted act, not an act in general!" retorted Flonne.
-*Hmm. I will hold my decision until I see what exactly you are attempting to accomplish, defense counsel.*- After the lawyers from both sides returned to their places, Mewtwo began again. -*Answer the question, witness.*-
"Yes, girl, I's sure." responded the thug.
"Because, Mr. Thug, you can definitely use the spell in question yourself," continued Flonne.
"Well, no-"
"But one of your friends can, Mr. Thug? One of the ones you were with?"
"Uhh..."
"Can they?"
"Not exa-"
"Oh! So, Mr. Thug, you must be a biiiig fan of Ms. Ausa's work, since you can identify one of her signature spells right off the top of your head!"
"Uhhhm... yeah, that's it."
"Have you read all her work, sir, or just the book in question?"
"Jus the book, ma'am," said the Thug, seeing where this was going and trying to cut her off- this way she can't ask him about the rest of Lemina's work.
"So you must have read 'Waste Not, Want More' since you can identify the spell?"
"Yes'm!"
"You've definitely read 'Waste Not, Want More?" asked Flonne, seemingly a little depressed at the prospect.
"Yes'm, I did."
"That's interesting, Mr. Thug, since Catastrophe isn't mentioned in 'Waste Not, Want More,' and the book in question is 'A Penny Saved is a Penny For Me.'"
"Uhh... I meant that one!"
"Well, since you can't use magic, Mr. Thug, sir, none of your friends there could, and you clearly don't remember much about Ms. Ausa's book, then how did you know it was Catastrophe?"
"Uhhm..."
"ESPECIALLY that specific casting pattern of Catastrophe?"
"Well..."
"No further questions, Your Honorable Judgeness, sir."
-*Hmm. All, right, objection is overruled in retrospect. This still doesn't make your case for a motion to dismiss, Ms. Flonne.*-
"Yes. You have still to refute that Maya Schroedinger on previous occasion ADMITTED to using the spell in question," piped in Liz.
"Oh, I know. But thank you for reminding me, Ms. Liz, ma'am!"
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Later that day, during a recess for lunch...
"Okay, Love-Freak, I got what you asked for," said Etna, cheerfully and thus uncharacteristically dropping a heavy binder full of paper onto the table.
"Thank you, Etna! You're a true friend!" responded Flonne over her salad.
"No problem. Anything for love!" said Etna, quietly adding "and 10% of all Schroedinger Family earnings for the next year" to herself.
"What was that, Etna?"
"Nothing."
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Back at the hearing...
"Your Honorablilityness, sir, I'd like to enter this into evidence," Flonne said as she hefted the heavy binder onto the Judge's pulpit.
-*What is it, Defense Counsel?*-
"It's just a handy-dandy list of every single attack, spell, skill, special ability, or useable item that has the name of Catastrophe either as its title or in its title," responded Flonne.
"Objection! Failure to meet evidence standards!" cried Liz.
-*Overruled. It is not necessary for the defense to have all evidence on file at the beginning of proceedings. What of it, Defense counsel?*-
"Well, Your Honorable Judgibility, my client only admitted to using Catastrophe. She never admitted to using Lemina Ausa's Catastrophe. And since their only witness, Mr. Thug, hasn't shown us that he can reliably tell the difference between Catastrophes, how are we to know for sure that the copyrighted spell was used?"
"Objection! Conjecture and she's testifying!" once again cried Liz.
"But I'm not done talking!"
-*Overruled. She is making her argument, Ms. Liz. We are not in front of a jury, counselor. Ms. Flonne, you may continue.*-
"All right! Well, since they don't have any reliable evidence that Lemina Ausa's Catastrophe was used, then how can she claim copyright infringement? I'm making a motion to dismiss the case on the grounds of lack of evidence."
-*Motion approved. This case is dismissed. Leave my courtroom. NOW!*-
... And the assembled people suddenly found themselves outside. Not that it mattered much- Flonne got the case thrown out of court, and she chalked up another victory for Love!
... and 10% of the Schroedinger Family earnings for the next year, but who's keeping score?
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