Season 26, Week 3
Rei
(Breath of Fire III)
 
After proving himself quicker than the speed demon Crono, Rei must prove himself stronger than Suikoden III's strongest teenager. Emily is a fighter feared for the sheer power of her fists, and while the shapeshifting hipster Woren is fully capable of taking his opponents to pieces with his bare hands and sharp claws in Weretiger form, he also has absolutely no control over himself. But the risk could very well be worth the return as he faces what could very well be his biggest obstacle to a Heavy championship. With a win over Emily, he can safely say that it's all downhill from here.

V

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Emily's martial arts took out a clumsy princess with ease; now, it's time for something more exciting! A weretiger should be a fun punching bag. Sure, he's fast and strong, but Emily can one-up this cat in both areas. Even the swiftest beast cannot match the lightning pace of her fists and legs - and even if Rei gets lucky enough to fire off his Death spell, Emily will laugh off its pathetic accuracy and send Rei to a hospital bed as soon as she begins to perform her fine art of killing things dead! The season of SMASH has just begun, and there's no reason for it to stop so early!


SageAcrin
"Well, doesn't that beat all. They expect me to go out there and fight a woman who can punch down a house? That's not happening." Rei said, annoyed. "I'd rather just sit back, and relax."

"Hi!" Rikku said, knocking on the door. "It's Viki!"

"...though, dealing with the headcase that thinks she's my best friend is almost as painful." Rei said, sighing.

"Achoo! Hi!" Rikku said, teleporting onto Rei's lap. "You didn't hear me knock?" "...um...no, I didn't." Rei said, sighing, as he picked Rikku up and put her on the ground. "Oh well, I guess I ought to take her to her visit to Citan..."

*Three weeks earlier...*

"Got you!" Rikku's original personality said, kicking the mental equivalent of a pink ball of fuzz into oblivion.

"CHUUUUUUUUU! I'll be back for chu!" Rikku's Chu-Chu personality bellowed, as it disappeared.

"Ha. One down, one to go. Once I clean these stupid other non-Rikkus out of my head, I'll be able to live a normal life with Yunie!" Rikku said, satisfied.

"You can't seriously think you can beat me! I'm a million times smarter than you are, Rikku!" Rikku's X-2 personality yelled at her. "And better looking, and better clothed!"

"...this is going to be harder than convincing a Chu-Chu it doesn't exist." Rikku's original personality said, sighing. "And where the hell's the one in control? Oh well. Now, look, here's why that outfit is so repulsively stupid that you can't possibly be sane..."

*Three weeks later.*

"Hmmm. This case certainly isn't like anything I've ever seen before." Citan said, puzzled. "There's no reason for her to split off into a Viki personality. A Chu-Chu one was strange enough, but head trauma can cause people to revert to more childish or animalistic states, certainly. But Viki is neither of those. Very interesting."

"I know I look funny, but I really am Viki! I just teleported from this banquet one day, and when I woke up, people were groaning and shaking me awake!" Rikku said, unhappily. "I really wish I didn't look so funny, too..."

"...Can you at least figure out how to fix her enough to keep her from thinking we're best friends?" Rei said hopefully.

"Mmmm, not without understanding the root cause. Shouldn't you go ahead to your match, though? You'll be late." Citan said.

"Oh, fine. Maybe I'll get lucky and Emily will have a head injury on the way to the match and decide she's my best friend, too. Showing up has won a lot of people matches, after all." Rei said, sighing.

*A week ago.*

"And that's why wearing less clothes than your average bathing suit on a frozen mountain doesn't make any sense!" "It didn't make any sense when you did it, either!" Rikku's X-2 personality countered. "Yeah, and you should have learned from that and worn more, and not less!" Rikku's original personality said triumphantly. "I know I would have!"

"I...but...you..." Rikku's X-2 personality sputtered.

"So you're either horribly dumb, more stupid than a rock, or you're not real! Which is it?" Rikku pressed.

"I...I....I!" Rikku X-2 sputtered, then winked out of existance. "I'll be back!" A ghostly shout could be heard in the depths of Rikku's mind...

"...darn it. I was hoping she'd admit she was dumb." Rikku said, sighing. "Oh well. Now what... Guess I'll play Solitaire." Rikku said, pulling a deck out of nothingness. "This is going to get old fast."

*A week later.*

"C'mon, Rei! Fight that silly...hey! It's Emily! Hi, Emily, it's me, Viki!" Rikku yelled from the stands. "I didn't know it was you fighting! I would have brought you a present of something. Darn, now who do I root for. Hmmm, which one's the underdog..." Viki said, puzzled.

"..." Rei said, staring up at Rikku. "...she does really act like Viki. Doesn't that beat all."

"Well, are you going to fight, or are you just going to stare at the stands?" Emily said. "I don't have all day, you know."

"Of course not." Rei said, as the judges signaled the battle to start. "You'll just have to die quickly, then." Rei said, casting his trademark Death spell.

Emily braced herself for the dark magical energy, shuddered once, and walked towards Rei, uneffected.

"...Uh-oh." Rei said. "Well, I guess I saw this coming, time to get it over with..."

"Yay! Go Rei!" Rikku called from the stands. "Hmm. Maybe I should teleport a present in? Some kind of a plushie? Yeah! That'd work!" Rikku said, raising her right hand. "Maybe something cute, like a penguin. Emily will love it." Rikku added, as a Blinking Rune glinted on her right hand.

"...when did she get one of those?" Rei said, noticing Rikku out of the corner of her eye. "...and why am I not..." Rei abruptly turned on his heel and dashed out of the arena. "I suggest you run, Emily!" Rei said, as he took off, hearing the judges declare Emily the victor by forfiet behind him.

"Ha! Afraid of me, huh? Well, that's natural, consi...der...ing..." Emily drifted off, as a massive, sleeping penguin fell into the arena, sleepily squawked once, came fully awake, and let out a vicious shriek.

"...Hmmm." Lezard stared at the bird, then pulled out a notebook. "Dezolisian...penguins...more...angered...when...woke...suddenly."

Mewtwo watched at the spectacle and took a similar mental note.

"Um...uh..." Emily said, staring up at the penguin's glowing red eyes as it towered over her. "...I...you know, I think there's a saying at times like this, but I can't remember it right now, so bye!" Emily said, taking off out the other side of the arena.

"Oh dear." Rikku said. "No! No, go away you stupid bird! You're not a good present!" She said, raising her hand again.

And teleporting the penguin several hundred feet above her own head.

Fortunately for the surrounding crowd, it was at least an unconcious penguin after it hit the ground, so that the usual decemation involving Dezolisian Penguins did not occur.

Unfortunately, not only did Rikku get impacted by a ton of penguin, but so did most of the people in surrounding seats.

---

"Hi! I'm Viki." Viki said, as she appeared standing on top of Rikku's playing cards.

"...you can't be...then again, who else would be in here? Okay, Viki, or whoever you are, get out of here, now!"

"Well, that's not very nice. But okay, if you insist." Viki said, raising her right hand, and disappearing.

"Yes! Yes! They're all gone now!" Rikku said. "And now I can get control of my body! Unless there's...another one up there now...I hope not..." Rikku said, worried.

---

"Ummm." Rikku said, returning to conciousness. "Uh...Ha! I did it! I got rid of all the other personalities!" She said happily. "Now I can be normal!"

"...So, just to remind you, this means you tried to emulate a headca-" "Paine, you remind me of that every day." Yuna said, not even bothering to turn her head towards Paine.

"And you feel okay? There's no physical effects besides those of the penguin impacting?" Citan said, worried.

"...penguin?" Rikku said. "Are you sure I'm not the only one here that's hit my head? Anyways, no, I guess it got healed up or something, because I feel fine. Why?"

"Hi, Rikku! I'm Viki. We met before in your head, but I think you were kind of distracted then, from what Citan said. I was always wondering what would happen if I teleported into the same space as someone else, and it turns out I end up in control of their body! Neat, huh?" Viki said from the bed across from Rikku. "Of course, it's kind of hard to teleport out, since I thought I was you, which was me, which was you."

"...You...mean...I...that wasn't...I..." Rikku sputtered, then fainted dead away.

"You know, you're not the only one that's going to have to take some time to get used to this." Paine remarked to Yuna as she stared down at Rikku's unconcious form.

Rei: 37
Emily: 50