The Great DL Cook-Off
~Lance

The sun shines down upon a pleasant open-aired pavilion just a few hundred years away from the DL proper. Birds are chirping happily from the ring of trees surrounding the pavilion while a few stray butterflies drift along the wind. A pleasant breeze blows through the area, carrying with it the scent of grass, lilacs, and charcoal. Ah yes, it was the perfect day for a cookout!

After another hectic season of battling, the vast majority of the DL decided that it would be a nice change of pace to hold an outdoors picnic -- and what a great idea it turned out to be. The little ones were enjoying a game of hide and seek, the Budehuc dogs were catching Frisbees and tennis balls, Lucca was preparing food in record time thanks to her new microwave-powered cooking device, and the medics were tending to Edward after Bartre misinterpreted the meaning of a "three-legged race". All in all, good times were being had by everyone.

As is customary with everything involving the DL, the entire event was highlighted by a competition -- a cooking contest, to be precise. Most of the folks attending the picnic were all gathered around a row of makeshift kitchens set on one side of the pavilion. Each kitchen was occupied by a lone chef who had only thirty minutes to whip up a dish worthy of victory.

Melfice grinned as he added a case of Whoop-Ass™ to a bubbling cauldron of Wailing Soul Soup. As far as the Horn of Valmar was concerned, he had already won this competition. No one could resist his signature dish!

Jean, meanwhile, was taking a lighter approach, choosing instead to go with roasted vegetables and crepes. "Se magnifique!" the plump frog said merrily as he gave his entree a taste test.

"Ha cha cha cha CHA!" Orcha chuckled to himself as he hacked away at several squid at once with a large cleaver. "These folks haven't lived until they've tried Termina's famous squid gut pasta. One taste and they'll have no choice but to declare me the winner. Ha cha cha cha CHA!"

Quina Quen had a slightly different approach. Instead of focusing on one dish to impress the judges, the voracious Qu thought it would be a good idea to whip up a full-course meal in the time allotted. Being the master gourmand that s/he is, Quina had no trouble keeping track of four different dishes at once...although s/he did find it difficult to concentrate when such a large, tasty-looking frog was standing just a few feet away in the next kitchen....

And then, of course, there was Worker 8, whose culinary prowess could not be ignored after his recent run through Middle. He scanned the competition while he worked, visions of frog legs, Horn of Valmar fricassee, CC scrub soup, and Qu burgers dancing through his cybernetic head.

However, only one daring cook can claim victory on this day of peace and relaxation. Who is the best chef in the DL?
  • Melfice wins because the judges are too scared to declare him the loser
  • Jean shows everyone why French cooking is superior to all other cuisine
  • Orcha wins the competition and brings some measure of dignity to the CC cast
  • No one can defeat a master gourmand! Quina easily takes home the victory
  • Worker 8 turns the competition into a four-course meal that the judges cannot turn down

AAA

Here's how the cooking contest boils down:

Orcha can't win, since he comes from CC and therefore is a blight upon the world.

Jean took a early lead, but he was beaten to death by a group of angry Francophone RPG characters after mangling their language("Se" is used to connotate a reflexive verb.)

Quina's taste is..different. Remember, Quina thinks raw frogs is a delicacy. After 3 judges had to be hospitalized after tasting his Horse-radish and Locoweed casserole, Quina was sent home.

Worker 8, with robotic efficeny, had used his various Onion dishes(Anybody seen Peco lately?) to wow his judges.

And it certaintly seemed that he would win.

But that was when Melfice revealed his latest dish, which involved lots of screaming, swordplay, and murder. He called it his "I-Will-Kill-You-All" pie.

Melfice won unanimously.

Melfice: 22
Jean: 6
Orcha: 9
Quina: 10
Worker 8: 16

Terra Fanboy
//Worker 8: Program for Culinary delight
#include
#include

int main()
{
noncombatant[3] Judges; //the judges
enemy Melfice; //horn fricasse
int MelficeHP;
enemy Jean; //frog legs
int JeanHP;
enemy Orca; //CC scrub soup
int OrcaHP;
enemy Quina; //Qu burgers
int QuinaHP;

while (MelficeHP > 0)
{
SMASH(Melfice);
}

while (JeanHP > 0)
{
CRUSH(Jean);
}

while (OrcaHP >0)
{
STOMP(Orca);
}

While (QuinaHP >0)
{
KILL(Quina);
}

meal Four_Course;

Four_Course = Cook(Melfice, Jean, Orca, Quina);

Serve(judges, Four_Course);

return 0;
}

the jp
Worker 8 is no fool. He surprises everyone by whipping up a batch of Crushed and Processed foodstuffs. Surpisingly tasty the judges ask about the secret ingredient. Worker 8 puts on it's best metallic smile and announces that the secret ingredient is last week's dead Rinoa. The judges are vomiting for days, but Worker 8 having used all his other competition in the meal, wins by defualt.

Nephrite
The cooking contest should have had Hai Yo.