 |
|||||||||
|
|
Sweeter than Hunnies "Oh, quit complaining," Lani huffed. "As long as Zelos pays us the amount we agreed upon, I don't care what he wants us to get for him. You were there when the deal was made; you know we can't turn away an offer this great! I don't know what's so important about this 'mojo' of his, but if its safe return means 30,000 gil to him, I'm sure as hell not going to argue." "You're missing the point," Amarant said with a scowl. "We don't know what we're looking for in the first place. Do you even know what Zelos's 'mojo' looks like?” "Well...no," Lani admitted as she fingered her axe in anticipation. Then, she turned to her hulking partner and snapped, "Look, does it really matter?! All we have to do is find Cristo, beat the snot out of him, and take all his belongings back to Zelos. I'm sure that perv's mojo or whatever will be in there somewhere. Then, we can accept that bounty of his and rest easy for a good long time." "Hmph. You're just going to spend it all on useless baubles at the auction house in Treno...." "What was that?" Lani replied indignantly as she waved a petite fist in Amarant's face. "Why, I oughta --" "Shhhh! There he is!" Amarant silenced her as he spotted Cristo emerging from an alleyway a few dozen yards away. He silently slipped on his Dragon Claws and gave his partner a silent nod. "Alright! It's go-time!" Lani cheered, drawing her axe as she did so. Without another word, the two bounty hunters rushed forward to ambush Cristo from behind. The cleric heard them coming, of course, and heaved a silent sigh. Looked liked he would just have to put the two rascals in their place. |
|
|
SageAcrin "Okay, where the hell did he go?" Lani said irritably. "Be quiet. Wait a moment and look around." Amarant said, as they glanced around the darkened street, walking slowly to make sure they missed nothing. "There he is!" Lani shrieked, as a figure darted out out of the shadows, running down the road with reckless abandon. With blazing speed, Lani quickly caught up to him and shoved her axe in front of him. The figure stumbled, tripped, and landed flat on his face, letting out a loud "TOISE!". "...Lani...you just assaulted a drunken Blastoise." Amarant said, watching the massive turtle rise menacingly, bottle in hand. Before the surprised Lani could move, she was smashed into a nearby wall by a massive stream of water. Amarant, not waiting to be the second target of the turtle, scooped up the prone Lani and proceeded to run like hell down a nearby alleyway. "Let go of me! Put me down!" Lani yelled, coming out of her dazed state. Amarant promptly dropped her on her rear, provoking a yelp from Lani. "Now, let's try to actually not instantly overreact to every action, okay?" Amarant said, sighing. "Look!" Lani said, pointing towards someone walking out of the shadows behind Amarant. "...not again..." Amarant said, slowly turning. And narrowly dodging the Sword of Miracles that decended towards his face. Lani's fast overreactions came in handy this time, however, for she was up on her feet and planting the butt of her axe in the figure's face before he could move. Cristo yelped and fell backwards, leaning against the wall, his nose bloodily smashed against his face. "You owe me." Lani said. "Alright, alright." Amarant said with a sigh. "Look, Cristo, just give back the mojo and no one gets hurt....more. Our client has heard the rumors of you using it to pick up women." Amarant said, snickering. "You had to have been pretty desperate, but I don't suppose it matters. Just hand it over." "But...I don't have it!" Cristo said, desperately. "W...I hid it in a cave. I can show you the way, though! I have a map!" Cristo added, pulling out a piece of paper and handing it to Amarant. "...A cave? Why would you hide it..." Amarant said, suspiciously. "No time for wondering why people are stupid, idiot!" Lani said. "It's time to get after it! The faster this is done, the quicker we get the money, and the faster we're out of this dank night!" She said, snatching the map and running off. "...I have a bad feeling about this." Amarant said, following Lani, leaving the dazed Cristo behind. "...damnit, though, you didn't say they'd break my nose, Yuri!" Sheena Lepant said, the illusion of him being Cristo wearing off...but not the splattered nose. "Look, I can fix that in a few minutes. And I promise that this will be worth it. Believe me, this will be worth it." Yuri said, jumping down from the building he was on top of. "Of course it will." Edge said, sliding down a rope thrown off the same building... --- The cave was a forbidding place, filled with spikes, random bats waiting to knock Lani and Amarant into the spikes, absolutely no side paths to the left or right(But plenty up and down.), fearsome monsters that could have defeated the heroes in a blow-that were also defeated in a blow, random blocks filled with items and hallucinagens, and fearsome octopi. Fortunately, auto-life is a horribly unfair advantage in a platformer. At any rate, Lani and Amarant swiftly made their way to a glowing sphere of light. "This is his mojo? It looks more like a fireball waiting to happen." Amarant said, very slowly approaching the orb. "Oh, come on. Just grab it, and we'll take this pipe out." Lani said, pointing to a nearby green pipe. "...Why would that take us out?" Amarant said. "Because it always does." "Ah." Amarant said, sighing, as he picked up the mojo. "Hmm, this thing doesn't seem very special, really, does it Lani hunny?" Amarant said, holding the glowing orb in his hands. "Take me, you wild flame-haired beast of a man!" Lani declared passionately, approaching Amarant. As she walked towards him, she suddenly stood still for a moment, shook her head rapidly, and smashed Amarant hard across the face with the flat of her axe. "OW! What the hell was that for?" Amarant said, dusting himself off. "Don't you dare use that thing on me, you...you...augh! Look, let's just get out of here, quick, and...give that thing to...no, god no, I don't want to risk that. Look, just put it in a bag and try to touch the bag as little as possible, okay?" Lani said, mostly yelling, as she walked over to the pipe. --- "Now all I have to do is wait for those two to bring it back to me, and my problems are over." Zelos mused happily, looking out the window at the stars. It had taken large quantities of money, time and effort, but he had finally learned what happened. That barrier had seperated him and his mojo. All his skill with women, all his ability to handle them well, now had to be shorn up with magic. His natural state had become that of a woman because of that, with only temporary enchantments allowing him to live a normal life. He had despaired of finding the mojo, too. How do you know where a out-of-control anti-perversion barrier will send anything, anywhere, anytime? For all he knew, it was inside Lavos. Or it had fused with Kuja-no one would notice if he suddenly was able to pick up women better, least of all Kuja. But, by pure luck, he had picked up on a rumor. Cristo had been heard to mention a few times that he'd gotten his mojo back, and once had accidentally refered to it as Zelos'. That was all the clue Zelos needed. "And then once it's back, I'll work on smashing Edge and Yuri without any interference from any hack wizard who can cast Dispel." Zelos said, satisfied to wait. He didn't notice the shape behind him until the staff smashed across his head. Hard-headed as always, it took two more saps to knock Zelos out, but he didn't see anything especially notable before he fell unconcious. "Isn't this kind of cruel though?" One of the women behind the sapper said, looking at Zelos' unconcious form. "Not enough for him." Another said. "Besides, we don't know what the hell this will do." Said a third. "He caused the best solution to this...stupidity ever devised to fail. If it had just been Edge and not all the perverts in the League smashing that barrier, it might have been kept quiet-what's the difference as long as it blocks 95% of perverts?" Rosa said, putting her staff away. "But no, he and his army made it "clearly unsafe" in the eyes of all the judges. And now he's going to pay for it." She said, chanting Dispel. The fifth woman in the room just watched and laughed. She, of all people, wanted to watch Zelos' reaction to this... --- "Heeeey, Zelos, wake up damn it, and pay us!" Lani said, pounding on the door. "We've got the stupid mojo, now take it!" Zelos made his way to conciousness slowly. Unfortunatly for him, it became much more rapid when Zelos realized two facts. One: Zelos was back to being female again. Two: Zelos was wearing garb that made it entirely impossible to mistake her for male. Namely, form-fitting lingerie. As she jumped up out of bed, stifling a shriek, she also noticed that her closet was open and clearly entirely empty. Thinking quickly, Zelos realized the answer to this was simple-get the mojo back, and everything should fall into place. Grabbing the sack of money, she yelled through the door in the deepest voice she could manage "Hey, don't come in, I'm not in a state to recieve visitors right now. Just open the door a crack, I'll toss the cash through, you toss the mojo through, okay?" "...has he caught a cold?" Amarant said, frowning. "Probably caught him looking at dirty magazines, more like it." Lani mumbled under her breath, as she tossed the bag containing the precious(?) mojo through. Snagging the bag of money, she dragged Amarant off with her. "Now let's get a few drinks." "Yes!" Zelos yelled triumphantly. "...He has to have caught a cold." Amarant said, hearing the soprano shriek as he walked off, and shaking his head. "Either that, or he doesn't need that damned mojo anyways..." He said, walking into a elevator. "Now, just take it out of the bag..." Zelos said, frantically rummaging for the bright sphere. She seized it with both hands and lifted it out of the bag triumphantly. Images flashed through her head. Woman after woman he had loved and left, the grabbing, the groping, the occasional tearing and pawing and... "Auuuugghh!" Zelos shrieked, throwing the mojo across the room. "What the hell! I'm straight, I..." She suddenly realized what she was saying. The mojo had been showing images of the male her with all of those women. From the other side. "I...I...have to...have to live through THAT to...to..become normal...again....? No, no, no, nonononono NOOOOOOOOO!" Zelos pulled her head back and shrieked in horror at the thought of living through all being all the women he'd ever had any relations with. Mindlessly hefting the sphere, she threw it with all her might out the window. Surprisingly light and, being magical in nature, not especially bound to physics, she could still see it flying high over the city surrounding the League, a tiny glint in the darkness, when she realized what she'd done. "...all...I would have had to done...would...have...been get turned back into a guy, to avoid that, wouldn't...it?" Zelos said brokenly, her voice hoarse, as she watched the orb receed into the distance. "But...then...I would have been...doing that...to..." Zelos broke down sobbing. --- "And she won't admit she's Zelos?" Colette said, stunned. "No. I guess she'll get herself changed back to normal when her matches come up, but otherwise..." Raine said, shrugging, a nasty smile on her face. "I...suppose she deserved it." Presea said, frowning. "Oh, she deserved it. I'm just glad Edge and Yuri decided to help us, after I found that mojo." Rosa said. "It's a credit to Brey's magical theory that it worked out exactly as he thought it would, too, that her reaction to the mojo as a woman was simply one of horror." "It's also a credit to Zelos that she didn't kill anyone having to get clothes wearing nothing but that lingerie." Raine noted grudgingly. "I think whatever that mojo showed her made her think a little less kindly of perversion." Sheena Fujibayashi chuckled nastily. "It's about time it did. My plan worked perfect, thanks to the help of all of you. He...she, whatever, will snap out of this eventually, track down the mojo, get turned back to normal, and then I might be able to tolerate the guy." "And he'll never be the wiser." She said, laughing. "Well, all's well that ends well." Rosa said, smiling... --- "Ow!" A small figure said, as a ball of light smacked him hard across the back of the head as he walked down a street. "Whata is dis?" "Well, whatever it is, it's magiacal, clearly. I suppose it'a is worth something to someaone, somewhere..." Guido Mogay said, pocketing Zelos' mojo... Cristo: 18 Lani/Amarant: 17 No Mo Mojo: 27 Xeroma
|