Rarr I eat punies!
~Dhyerwolf

“ARGH! Defeated by twits again!” Melbu Frahma screamed as he entered the RPGDL Locker Room of Evil Losers. “Why does this always happen to me! First that gay-ass Dart, then that brain-dead Justin, and then that brain-dead Justin again! I’ll have my revenge!” He lashed out at a Chaz dummy that was kept in the corner for stress relief purposes, but missed in his almost blind rage, his fist smashing painfully into the wall. He whimpered in pain, clutching his now pained hand, unaware of the presence of another in the room.

From behind a row of lockers floated out a sinister looking creature, smiling at Melbu’s suffering. “Ah, Melbu,” it hissed. “I’ve heard that you’ve lost again,” it sniggered, its golden eyes alight with laughter. “Maybe you should try beating up on some Lights. I’m sure there are some you can defeat… barely.”

“You’re one to talk, Adel!” Melbu snarled, forgetting the pain in his hand. “Why, you were defeated by Squall, and tried to absorb to Rinoa! You’re the laughingstock of the entire DL!”

Adel outright laughed at the accusation. “How can they laugh at me when they’re far to busy laughing at you, you ugly freak of nature?”

“Freak of nature! At least I have a discernable gender!” With that pitiful insult, Melbu slapped Adel across the face, prompting Adel to respond in kind. For the next several minutes, the two engaged in one of the most disturbing (and ineffective) cat-fight’s the world has ever witnessed.

“This… is… getting us nowhere…” Melbu panted, utterly exhausted from the fight.

“Agreed,” Adel gasped, trying to catch his breath. “We’ll…have to pick…on someone we can actually… beat…”

“Fine. How about babies? Everyone always talks about baby-eating villains.”

“RAR! Too difficult!” Adel screamed. “I know! PUNIES!”

“Ok. I know!” Melbu said, a smile crossing his slap-marred face. “We each have one day to prove our divine magnificence by trying to eat as many of the DL’s weakest warriors as we can: Chrono Cross, Suikoden, Valkyrie Profile, and Fire Emblem Lights, they’re all open targets!”

“Someone say delicious Fire Emblem Lights?” Quina asked, barging through the door. “Go very well with Lindblum pickles and Vienna sausages. Best cooked slowly like pigs!”

“YOU! Fat tub of lard! How dare you enter our sacred locker room!!” Melbu screamed, facing the strange duelist.

“I hear talk of food! I like idea of eating punies! Let Quina compete or Quina never leave!”

“Fine, you freak. You can compete,” Melbu sneered. “The contest will start on the count of three. One. Two…” Melbu began, not even bothering to finish as he took off as fast as he could, hoping to get a head start on Adel and Quina. Unfortunately, his overzealousness caused him to miss the door, crashing (undoubtedly in a very painful manner) into the wall.

“Three!” Quina yelled, finishing the count for Melbu and officially beginning the contest.
  • Melbu redeemis his many losses
  • Adel crushes the field and proves her worth
  • Quina sates itself on FE lights

Draco Ignifer
Sadly for the egoes of both Adel and Melbu Frahma, both of them appear to have forgotten a fact utterly vital to this contest... both are only capable of consuming a single entity. And by this, I don't mean consuming entities one at a time... I mean that, once they have one person stuck in them, they don't have any room for someone else.

Melbu Frahma made a valiant attempt to convince everyone that firing someone out of himself and then eating them again counted as multiple consumptions, but was about as convincing as Albedo applying for a position in pediatrics. Adel didn't even bother to show up and make an argument. And Quina? In the most amazing moment of the Gourmand's life, it actually managed to eat to satiation. Quina's psychiatrist indicates that years of therapy may be required to recover from the shock.

Melbu: 8
Adel: 6
Quina: 43

MadFnorder
Quina- Competent duelist, famed amphibious epicure, with an Eat command built right in.

I imagine him lying on a pile of Suiko-leftovers, picking his teeth with Renault's stave.