Movies For Gamers Who Like Movies:
The Meribian Falcon
~DomaDragoon

I shoulda known she was trouble from the moment she spoke. You don't offer five hundred silver pieces for a simple tail job. Kyle and I shoulda said no, shoulda found out more about her before we agreed, shoulda been more careful. I just wish I could shush those shouldas.

When that dame came in, flashing that cash, I let myself get conned. She was called Royce, and at the time, I thought she was just a scared broad. She wanted us to follow this guy who she said was her boyfriend, claiming that he was gonna kill her. Kyle insisted on taking the job personally, though I suspect he would have done almost anything to get away from that wife of his. Couldn't blame him.

It was a setup, on whose side I can't tell right now. Both Kyle and the guy he was following wound up six feet under, and the pressure from the cops was telling me that I was suspect #1. I needed answers, so I went to the only person who had them - Royce.

She told me a few different stories before I could get the truth out of her. There was this statue, the Meribian Falcon. It was supposed to be pretty valuable, for reasons she wouldn't say. A bunch of people were looking for it, and most of them weren't as nice as she was. She offered me a fair chunk of change to help her get it, but I wasn't listening to that. I had already lost a partner to this stupid bird, and I was getting out while the stake was still small.

Naturally, I hadn't been back in my office for more than an hour before some gangly goon comes walking in and pulls a piece on me. He says his name is Nall, and he's coming to search my office for the Falcon. I told him that I didn't have it, but he didn't seem to care. He said something about how he had to be thorough, or the "Far Main" would let him have it. I shrugged. The office was a mess enough already, it couldn't get much worse. Mr. Nall left, but not before warning me that the Far Main was not someone I'd like to get on the bad side of.

The next day, my secretary Mia comes in with this heavy package. I opened it up to see the ugliest statue of a falcon I had ever seen. If this wasn't the Meribian Falcon, I didn't know what was. Of course, Mia had been tailed by about half a dozen different people all looking for the statue, but she was clever enough to arrange an escape route. We took it.

So that's the situation. The police are watching me, waiting for a screwup so they can throw the book at me. Royce is watching me, probably deciding whether it would be easier to play the femme fatale, or to just fatally flame me. Mr. Nall's watching me, whether under the orders of the Far Main or out of his own greed, I can't decide. The Far Main's men are watching me, likely waiting for a clean shot. Who knows who else is trying to get their hands on the statue? It would be easy to just drop the goods and hope that everyone stops long enough for Mia and I to make a safe getaway.

But since when has Nash Rumack done it the easy way?

  • While everyone else is stabbing each other in the back, Nash comes out ahead
  • Nash doesn't get any cash, but he escapes with his life
  • The detective is getting fitted for cement shoes


Draco Ignifer
Sadly, Nash and Mia may be the characters with the closest things to effectiveness in this scenario. On one hand, we have a transmogrified dragon with enough intelligence and wisdom to be fooled by Nash's alter-ego for an extensive period of time, and whatever organization decided it would be a bright idea to hire him. On the other, we have a woman with such astounding levels of skill that her leader decided a woman brilliant enough to be fooled by KYLE would make a better second-in-command. And on the other other hand (We have a strange little creature, don't we?), we have a group of police officers so inept that they can't even figure out how to use the existance of Nash's magical Chicken Suit to trump up a few counts of cruelty to animals. When this is all over, the ownership of the Falcon should be obvious.

Now, if there's one thing I've learned from Maltese Falcon parodies, it's that, no matter what the location of the parody, no matter how everything else goes, the bird will ALWAYS be worthless. However, if there's one thing I've learned from the Lunar series, it's that Mia and her entire family love absolutely hideous animal-shaped objects. Giving a perfect example of the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure," a previously worthless eyesore becomes awonderful gift for an attractive young secretary, and our detective gets a happy ending.

At least, until Mia finds the Chicken Suit.


Nash grabs the cash: 24
Nash and Mia escape: 8
Nash greets the fishes: 18

khaki_knight
Nash Rumack is NOT Humphrey Bogart. I refuse to believe that he would be compentent enough to actually get out of this any other way than getting dumped in the local river.

Now, if this were Nash Latkje, the story might be different...