I, Kazan, bid you welcome to the RPG Dueling League, dedicated to the art of pitting the greatest warriors of the RPG Multiverse against each other in honourable combat! Within lies the greatest showcase of fighting talent you will ever lay your eyes upon! Here, you will be able to vote on a series of Battles. weekly where the greatest warriors will square off in combat! Fighters are split into divisions, aptly named for the fighting prowess of those within. The victors each week continue on in a typical eliminations-style tournament, until a victor is crowned champion of each division. Here, you'll also find exciting bonus matches and other spectacles to seduce your battle-starved souls, enough honourable combat to fill even an old man like me with joy! Questions? Go here! In addition, there's another small tournament called Not Ranked, which pits an even wider assortment of unique, secretive and unknown warriors against each other in a similar vein. If you're looking for a favourite, it wouldn't hurt to check that out as well. The DL is more than answering the question of how fighters stack up. It's a repository of information about RPG's varying from the obscure to the well known. Every bit of data gathered from every dank duengon and musty library in the RPG universe is gathered here. If you youngsters want to talk about any RPG of any stripe, you're welcome here. Check out this center of learning and find out new information about your favorite games! You've done a good job paying attention, students. Now here's Chisato to take you Behind the Scenes! And here we go again. Well, this should be a fun season. For me. To Laugh at. And spit on. We do get to see Nate crash and burn. Vampires! Where's a Belmont when you need one? We have to wait until next week, though. Awww man. Don't worry, Nate, I'll help you out. With my special training regimen you'll be sure to come out victorious. I look forward to ignoring it and laughing at you. Not necessarily in that particular order. Oh, you won't have time for laughing and mockery. You're going to need all that time to run into walls repeatedly and learn how to lick your elbow. Only then will you receive true power. A. I have a helmet, that's not really a problem. B. I'm double-jointed. Also not a problem. I see. In that case, I wish you luck. You should also probably take a bath in garlic before you fight. Yes, yes, enough about that, let's talk about this week! Yeah, why blow our load now? We should savor Nate's inevitable humilation. Like a finally roasted ham. Good point. Anyway, welcome to Season 45, readers? Behind the Scenes is once again here to give you all the info you need to know on Week 1. With the first elimination round underway this week, let's start our Q&A with two Godlike contestants... Your sins lay heavy upon you, defiler of souls. Prepare for... Yeah, yeah, we've all heard that shtick before. Let the lady speak. Let's talk about the match. With the power of creation, I am unstoppable. No evil will stand before my shining blade! Probably. You sound awfully discouraged. Well, it's all the same after awhile. I mean, you fight off some do-gooder, Deus ex Machina appears, next thing you know you're stuck in Second-Tier Villain Hell sharing a waiting room with Melfice and Zio, flipping through awful magazines. It just gets harder, you know? Ah, come on, it's not so bad. That's not the Rubicant we all know! Are you a Rubican or a Rubicant? That...that's so stupid, it...it doesn't even make any damn sense. Ugh. Urge to blow up world...rising... Well, that seemed to work. I think Lenneth will have her work cut out for her. Speaking of which, where'd she go? Ran out of Soul Engraving Polish or some such, I guess. No matter. I need to go kick some puppies to get that damn pun out of my head. Laters. You go do that. Next up... Finally! No kidding! Ah, you two. One's a bloodsucking monster, the other is my opponent. ...Nice. When the hell did you get funny? I had to do something while waiting for a duelling opportunity. ...I'll just ignore that. Can we talk about the match now? What's to talk about? You've got your golem thingies and I've got all my non-gear stuff. That seems awfully pointless for an interview show. It's Behind the Scenes. It's also just a paycheck for me and shallow ego-boosting for my compatriots. But really the important thing here is that you're boring. I'm a freaking immortal vampire scientific genius, how am I boring? Well, for one thing, you're translated correctly here. Oh, that's low. That's low even for you. Oh, can it. Well, I've had enough. Time to go do whatever it is I do. Wherever that is. Whenever I do it. Whew. Hopefully Middle won't be so bad... Rest assured, madam! Oi, bloody bloke's always got to charm the birds, eh? You can stop with the accent now. Also, tell me how you plan to win. With my blistering speed and Valiant Knife, of course! Well, an axe to the face hasn't steered me wrong yet. Not to mention that puny knife won't make a dent in my armor. Well, good luck doing more than winding up with that ridiculous thing before I'm out of the way. Good luck avoiding my various weapon skills. The skills that you don't have, you esper-less pansy. Treasure Hunter, you mean. Yeah, if Edgar's panties are what you would call treasure. Do you and Emeralda come up with burns together or something? Who the hell is Emeralda? Well said, Yangus. Well said. Look, just because I thought Edgar was hiding Gil in his drawer that ONE TIME... And that's just about enough out of you. Go pine over your dead girlfriend or something. Now, that's not quite fair. She was never really his girlfriend. Hah! You're alright, Yangus. You're alright. Good luck, Yangus. As to the last division... Zam! Gimmick! Afterthought! Word! What? Zam! Depressing! Yelling! Match! Ninja! Useless! Boring! Yawn! Exclimation! End! Zam! Alcohol! Later!