Back again? The Monstrous Pit has captivated you, ay? Ready for this week's matches, ay? Well, slow down for a minute. Don't you think you should check on the Results Page first, to catch up to last week?

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Among the familiar faces in Godlike this week we have the match of Yuri and Seymour. While banishing demons and top-hatted villians is more Yuri's style, taking on the Unsent Guado isn't too much of a stretch. Yuri's almighty Seraphic Radience gives him unparalleled stats and abilities among PC's, which should serve him well in this match. It's not going to be easy for him, though, as Seymour is quite the PC-killer. His Quadracast magic devastates even the most durable of opponents, and his own ability to take punishment should serve him well against For The Children. The match will be taxing on Yuri's resources, including the all-precious Sanity meter. Both contestants will be fighting hard in this match, signors!

An old man. A cycloptic swordfigther. In this fight, who will come out alive? Athos has his Forblaze, powerful magic that can kill monsters and men both in one blow. Beatrix has her healing, white magic, and Shock, which is just as powerful as Forblaze! Athos will be tearing huge chunks out of Beatrix's HP, but she can heal, and Athos cannot. The main question here is what will run out first: Athos's HP or charges of Forblaze, or Beatrix's MP reserves? Whoever manages to outlast the other will win the match and move on to next week.

In a match sure to set imaginations on fire, a ninja fights a dinosaur. Not only that, but an [i]evil[/i] dinosaur. Well, sort of evil. Anyway, Edge has the definite speed advantage here, and he'll put it to good use with his ninja magic and damaging sword strikes. But Bowser is not completely at his mercy, of course, with his own array of magic and, of course, his Fear-causing Terrorize, which might put a damper on Edge's gameplan. He's also more durable than the ninja prince, which might be enough to see him through. I say 'might', of course, because it is up to you, signors, to decide who reigns victorious in the Monstrous Pit, ay?

To round things off, we have a duel of magicians in Light! Lyonesse, leader of Leonia, has both her healing arts and the power of Holy Word. Keele has his various elemental magic, but no healing. Both contestants are extremely frail, so this match will be decided quickly. While Keele pretty much has to spam magic, Lyonesse may choose to either go for the quick kill with Holy Word, or to conserve her magic purely for healing and let her weak, but free staff attacks attempt to win the day. Either way you slice it this match will be that favorite of duelling enthusiasts everywhere: short, painful, and involving people far weaker than you! Right, signors?

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GO TO THE MONSTROUS PIT AND VOTE!

And if my DRAMATIC YELLING didn't convince you, you must have some serious problems to contemplate. So why don't you swing on by the Season 34, Week 3 topic and contemplate them there?

**Everyone, listen! Have you ever wanted to take part in our Bonus Matches? Have you ever had a great idea you thought would make an awesome match? Well here's your chance! Just go to the Bonus Match Ideas Post and read all about it!

There you have it. I, Morrie, must attend to the Monstrous Pit. You, the voter, shall surely be headed there shortly, ay? Of course, there is always the latest news in the silly, deranged antics of our cast of interviewers, as they give you a close look at the secret lives of duellers in Behind The Scenes!
Hey Chisato: Insult.
Rebuttal.
Counter-Rebuttal.
Suggestion that one represents a macabre theatre prop.
Reference to manly features.
Threat of violence.
Motion to set up a blind date with a llama.
Threat to revoke payment for several weeks and remove health insurance.
Acceptance of terms and praise for the Mach Five.
...what?
I do not know. I do not know.
Couldst this be possession?
Seems more like an obscure internet reference to me.
I can't say I notice any difference, besides the brevity. Some say that's the soul of wit, but I say we get paid by the minute, so to hell with that. Check back tomorrow for a full-length installment of Behind the Scenes!