 | Live on location, it's Behind the Scenes! My name is Gilgamesh, and we're coming to you direct from stately Madison Manor, while the studio is being repaired.
|
 | I had no idea that the support beams were so flimsy. I mean, it only took twelve Silver Tundras for them to collapse.
|
| Just plain shoddy workmanship. Odin's certainly going to have to make them stronger.
|
| Man, I wish I was there.
|
| Hey, at least the frilly hat didn't fit you.
|
 | Boys, hurry up! Our tea and crumpets won't serve themselves, you know.
|
| Coming, boss! We were just starting up the show.
|
| Good, good. Welcome, viewers at home, to Behind the Scenes. I'm your host, Chisato Madison, coming to you live from my dining room. On today's show, we'll talk to eight of Season 22's semifinalists about anything and everything.
|
 | Less talking, more crumpets! They're scrumptious, and I'll have to get your recipe before I leave.
|
 | As much as I agree with the Maester on the food, I am curious as to why he is here. I was under the impression that this was a ladies only event.
|
| I can answer that. You see, Godlike only has one female in the semis. Ghaleon didn't answer back with his invitation, and we just couldn't get Fei to keep his pants on. Sugar?
|
| Yes, please.
|
| Our first guests are the radiant Flare en Kuldes and the... less than radiant Evil Gaia.
|
 | Hey! I'm as pretty as any other incarnation of true evil.
|
| Nope, I'd say that Chisato has you beat in the looks department pretty cleanly.
|
| Shut up and serve me. Now, Flare, you've made quite the name for yourself in the past few weeks. Beating Black Wizard, as well as a former Light champion... quite an impressive resume for your first time. To what do you attribute your success?
|
 | I can't very well say. It's not like the battles were easy, you know? First, there was the whipped cream. Then Virginia wouldn't stop shooting at me. Still, my training served me well.
|
| A typical suckup answer.
|
| Hey, it's a lot easier to be nice and not have too many enemies than it is to be mean and constantly fending off attacks.
|
| The key is to find an enemy who's comically inept. Speaking of which, EG. How are you?
|
| Rawr! I am doing well! Nothing shall stand in my path to victory!
|
| Oh, yes, thank goodness that all the scary FF8 PCs are far away this season, or you'd be in trouble.
|
| Silence, squid! You're insulting your betters.
|
| He does have a point, though. Squall and the other kids haven't done too well without their junctions.
|
| But... they had youthful spirit! How am I supposed to compete with that?
|
| Oh, quit your whining, you big baby!
|
| Make me! What can you do in your home, with your own valuables at risk?
|
| Just watch me.
|
| Aaahhh!
|
| You have an ejector seat in your own home?
|
| Probably from all her bad dates.
|
| Quiet you, and go clean up that plaster! Ultros, get me some mayonnaise for my scone!
|
| Mayonnaise?
|
| Do you have a hearing problem?
|
| No, boss. I'll get right on it.
|
| *sigh* Help these days. Can't get good ones, can't permanently kill the bad ones. Such a pain.
|
 | To be fair, you were a little snippy. I find that you get better results with honey on the tongue than a crossbow to the face.
|
| Again with the pacifistic nonsense. That doesn't rake viewers in.
|
 | I agree with Chisato. If you're too nice and don't go on the offensive, then you'll wake up one day and find that the man of your dreams has been stolen away from you by his girlfriend. It... it makes me want to cry.
|
| Oh, shh. Calm down. Everything will be all right. Marina can't hurt you here.
|
| But she can! She still has his heart ensnared... Waaahhh!
|
| All right, people! We've got a teen crush angst in progress! I need a box of tissues and 50 cc of pure chocolate, stat!
|
| On it! (Man, I remember when I did more on this show than just go fetch things.)
|
| Come on, Lilka, snap out of it. If your man won't accept you the way you are, ditch him! There's plenty of others out there that I'm sure would love to spend time with you.
|
| Ahem...
|
 | One more word, Seymour, and you'll be spending the rest of your days in Yevon as a castrato.
|
| I'll be good.
|
| Yeah! And if that doesn't work, you still have all your other friends! So cheer up!
|
| Thank you, all of you.
|
| Marle, Lilka, you seem to be a little too chummy for opponents facing off this week. What's up?
|
| Um, you see...
|
| We kinda don't want to win all that much.
|
| You've got to be joking.
|
| You know who's on the other side of the pool. Ol' Ironsides. Whichever of us wins will likely get crushed in the finals - literally.
|
| I mean, we're not going to throw the match or anything - that would be stupid, and both of us could beat Worker...
|
| Not to mention the potential upgrade. We can't forget that.
|
| Of course - I'd love to be a Heavy. It's just... when I think of what the winner has in store...
|
| You're looking at it the wrong way. Don't think of it as getting beaten by someone with Silent Lake or a robot - think of it as hearing the lamentation of your enemy as they're crushed before you.
|
| You stole that from Conan.
|
| You mean the guy who does that thing with his arms? He's kind of a dork.
|
| If you lose this week, you'll get the honour of seeing that. If you win, you'll get a chance for an upgrade. Either way, in some way, you both win.
|
 | Or, in a more accurate way, everyone who isn't you wins.
|
| It works for me.
|
| Well, since the Middle witches are too busy stuffing their faces with candy, let's go to two others magi. Edea, you've had an incredible run by FF8 standards. Will you be translating this success to matters outside the arena?
|
| Actually, yes. You'd be surprised how many parents want their children to forget about them.
|
| Ahem. "I hate him. I hate my old man!" You get the picture.
|
| That's why I've been asked to reopen the old orphanage. I slap GFs on kids, and after a few short years, they've forgotten everything about their old life.
|
| Do you think it'll work?
|
| I hope so. Lilly the Skull's promised a big payment upfront if I can get it to work.
|
| As for you, Lulu, what are your plans after this season?
|
| To compete next season in Godlike, of course. Failing that? Perhaps catch up on my reading. You know, Lezard Valeth and the Half-Blood Prince is supposed to be pretty good.
|
| I see. So, nothing spectacular?
|
| Not every day can be an adventure. Some downtime would do many of us well.
|
| I agree. We should do things like this more often, when the cameras are off. Mass killing is fun, but there's something to be said for the simpler things in life.
|
| Hey, don't talk about Seymour like that when he's in the room.
|
| Very funny. Are you going to eat that cucumber sandwich? They don't grow them in Spira, you know.
|
| Help yourself, just as soon as you tell me what your plans for post-season work are.
|
| I thought it was obvious. I'm going to return to Spira and begin writing my memoirs. Maechen was kind enough to volunteer to dictate and hold the sphere camera while I go through the land on my own sort of pilgrimage.
|
| But won't the people sort of try and kill you?
|
| They're unsent. It won't matter. Besides, I think it's a good idea.
|
| The memoirs?
|
| The killing.
|
| No arguments there.
|
| You haven't changed a bit.
|
| Hey! Can I get some tabasco sauce for my tea here? It's not getting any warmer!
|
| Well, perhaps a little.
|
| While Chisato gets her sauce, I'll take us out of here. For Behind the Scenes, I'm Gilgamesh, thanking my lucky stars that Chisato didn't make us wear the maid uniforms. Goodnight. |
Welcome to the Semi-finals, my defender friends! We just have one more week to go before Season 22 draws to a close! But before anything else can happen, make sure you check out the Results to find out if your favorite dueller won!
