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This is an unprecedented day in Behind the Scenes history.
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Yes it is. I mean, look at all these potential guests! So many ripe young people to verbally abuse and attack; how are we suppose to choose who to interview and who not to?
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We’re going to have to sacrifice so much potential this week! It saddens me.
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The melodrama is really starting to skyrocket here: why don’t we just pick the better looking ones?
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For once, I agree. Mmmm... Miguel.
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Miguel isn’t very good looking. Only two arms, really.
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He’s still alive, though.
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Please tell me I’m not the only one disturbed by this talk. Please. Please let me not be the only sane one here.
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Speaking of which... welcome back! It’s another season, and another episode of your favourite show, here at the RPGDL!
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Welcome to Behind the Scenes, Season Nineteen, Week One! Welcome back to the show that makes you question just why you still own a TV.
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TiVo really is the way to go.
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Speaking of which, did you catch General Hospital this week? I’m so surprised at what happened to... ouch!
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Don’t spoil the soap opera! Heathen!
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To begin, let’s summon out our lovely Middle guests, Bowman Jean and Odin.
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Mmmm... Bowman. How’s it going? Still with Nineh?
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Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?
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Of, just a forlorn hope. Say, you don’t screen your wife’s mail, do you?
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No. Why?
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Just a random, non-malicious question. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go mail something out to a friend of mine.
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And she’s off to commit unspeakable acts that I can barely even imagine. Which brings us to the legendary warrior, Odin. What’s so legendary about you?
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My legendary ability to be absolutely worthless as a fighter.
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Got any other skills?
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I have a laser gun, but it’s not as strong as a cat’s claws.
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Impressive amount of failing, there. Good luck to you this week... not that any amount of well-wishing will help.
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So... Heavy time?
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Indeed. Come on out Nina Wyndia the First, and…Un-named Generic Hero #24601.
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I’m happy to be back after such a long wait! I’m ready to take down any competitors! My magic will be like the divine light of...
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Whoa, when did we say you could talk?
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I thought this was a talk show?
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It is. But we don’t let some people talk. Like you.
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That’s pretty sexist of you.
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No, it’s pretty damn intelligent. I mean, ever wonder why you’ve been out for so long? Here’s a hint: it’s not because your make-up is running.
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My... make-up? I don’t wear any make-up.
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I think that’s actually her face, Morte.
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Oh…that’s what passes for a face with you living people? Wow, low standards.
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It’s probably for the best; the way she’s crying now, real make-up would be running all over the floor.
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And that, as they say, is that. So, what’s up with you, Mr. Newly-Ranked-Hero?
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Ah... Suikoden. You know, that’s the thing I hated the most about the game. In a game of voice acting, why on earth would you make the guy you have to have in your group... silent?
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I AGREE. SUIKODEN HEROES BORE ME.
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The Suikoden III heroes weren’t too bad, I thought.
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YES. THEY ARE AN EXCEPTION. BUT LOOK AT THE REST OF THE SERIES: BORING AND UNFULFILLED PROMISE. IT DEPRESSES ME, THE EPITOME OF EVIL ITSELF.
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Ever had that looked at?
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EVIL DOES NOT NEED MEDICATION TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT DESTROYING WORLDS.
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Really? When was the last time you were truly happy about anything?
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STOP ASKING QUESTIONS. IT MAKES ME ANGRY.
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...well?
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...I’VE NEVER BEEN HAPPY. THE BEST FEELING I EVER HAD WAS WHEN I WAS BEATEN UP BY A WANNABE CAT-GIRL, AN ANCIENT ANDROID, AN ESPER WITH A PONYTAIL AND SOME ANGSTING BLONDE HERO. I FEEL WORTHLESS.
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See, wasn’t that better? Come on: I can get you some help.
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THANK YOU.
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That was touching. Really, I think we might finally have figured out the root of Profound Darkness’s desire to destroy the universe.
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Yeah. It’s either a bad childhood, or something Freudian.
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Let’s pray it’s not the latter.
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Amen to that.
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Hey, are you ever going to get to the real Godlikes? My time is valuable.
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Yes! I have training to do! If I work hard enough, I can gain Move+2 before my battle!
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Oooohhhhh... that’ll seal it right there.
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Indeed!
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It still pales before the might of my Nibelungen Valesti. I shall engrave it upon the souls of my enemies, and reach my cursed sister in Godlike, where I shall let my true power run free!
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...
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Yeah, I agree. She’s just a biiiiiiit too... how do you say it?
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Ignorant?
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Not worth the air she’s breathing?
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Sounds about right to me.
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Hah! You shall feel the wrath of my Godlike power!
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Ooohhhh... come on, a little to the left, yeah.
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You’ve seen it here, folks: someone so weak even Odin doesn’t notice it.
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I think that’s a good note to end on.
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Sounds it. From all of us here at Behind the Scenes, thanks for tuning in. And remember to tune in next week, or our pay gets docked. Au revoir!
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...
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Yes, he said something French. Got something against the French?
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Well, can’t argue with that.
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Still feed him to Penance?
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Sounds good to me.
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...
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Welcome, one and all! Brave Defenders, gaze at the grand spectacle before you: Season Nineteen, here and ready for your perusal! In addition to being a grand new season, it's also a ranking season! Stay tuned, and don't miss out on this grand spectacle, in just a few weeks!